Maintenance for son

Can you claim DLA for your son? That would give you some money towards his therapies.

If you can lay out your costs for DS, for example clothing/heating/food/activities/therapies etc and show your ex that his £400 doesn't cover half of these costs, you may be able to persuade him to pay more? Not much you can do about him being reliable on his visitation unfortunately but I would definitely try and get him to have DS on alternative dates if he cancels his regular weekends so that you can work and make up the lost wages.

He contributes over £600 per month. I think that's fair. Maybe I have a skewed perspective because I've never received anything from ex !
I would be careful to rock the boat, if he doesn't have a wage as such, you may find you are entitled to nothing.

Can you ask him, moving forwards, to pay for 58ngs such as:
swimming lessons
Something like beavers and uniform
any other regular activity you both agree your son would benefit from - especially if it is something your ex does, eg football, a musical instrument etc

You need to ask him straight to fund half the therapies. And don’t wait for him to offer.

on days you have to work and he cancels contact, he has to arrange for alternative childcare (his parents?) or pay for your missed work. You need to speak up.

you also need to increase your income yourself, it’s not his responsibility. I would think £400 should cover your child’s
food and clothes and some
activities. You should also get funded childcare hours soon. Increase nursery time or find a childminder so you can work one more day per week at least.

Ask him to pay half of the therapies for your DS. Otherwise I don’t think he needs to give you any more. Can you find another nursery or childminder so you can work more?

I would ask outright for him to pay at least half of the private therapy straight out.

I'd also try and find some weekend childcare to cover your shifts. And then tell him he needs to pay for this when he can't have ds when he should so you can stilk work. or maybe switch weekends.

I'd lean away from a straight maintenance lift as that will enable you to peg things in for the future such as activities, school etc costs.

Unless you ask for the money to be taken out his bank then CMS don't take a fee. Him having another child and overnights with your son will bring the amount you get down.

Keep his new partner out of it

When you were together do you know if he submitted tax returns? Assets it could be that it is trusts.

I'm not 100% sure but I believe CMS can use tax returns as income assessment however if he has good accountants/legal advice you may risk receiving less money.

How is your relationship with him? How were the finances before you separated?

It's worth asking if he can increase payments for your son but I'm not sure anyone can give you a figure since it really depends on his income. Is he saving for your son, will be pay school fees?

Lots of fathers refuse to pay cms and/or take full responsibility for childcare. It's a national disgrace.

Some posters on here have suffered with even worse partners than you. They hold the opinion that anyone who gets more than them, is 'lucky'.

We need to raise the bar.

It’s not unfair that he has a house and you don’t. He had the means before you got together, you didn’t. As long as he’s paying for his child, which he clearly is, it’s not his job to fund you a house.

He would probably say that his DS has a permanent home with him if he needs it.

Didn't offer

Then you say 'we can go halves, your half costs £200'

You can ask.

I wouldn't risk it. Over 600 a month for one child is a good chunk of money. Him being mortgage free etc is irrelevant, he's not going to sell the house to pay maintenance.

The risk you have if you push it too far is that it goes to CMS. With passive income, its a lot harder to get much of anything legally required. You could end up with a lot less.

It's really difficult when they're not reliable. It sounds like more childcare, more working hours and a request for more support for nursery fees may be the way to go? Are you using the tax free childcare? And any funded hours you might be entitled to?

Good luck

It sounds difficult, however it is best not to compare your ex's living standard to yours. Put that out of your mind, comparison is the thief of joy. Let them get on with it and you try and live your best life.

Ask for help either the health condition fees?

If you live with parents can they not help out if he cancels, so you can still work?

You are not paying rent/mortgage?

So if he’s like this with your son, imagine what he’ll be like about money?

I personally wouldn’t rock the boat, and would try and get your ds into nursery full time so you can work a bit more and ask him to cover the rest of the half.

Are you claiming all you can UC and child benefit wise? Have you done a calculation?

Op - you know that whatever the amount the CMS calculator says takes in to his account his income and how many days he does or doesn't have him, AND in the governments eyes that covers everything. So, he is ALREADY paying the nursery fees more than he needs to.
Tread very very carefully here

It’s a fact that your ex is wealthy and you are not. You are not entitled to his money to fund you, only your son. I would go full time to earn more and ask him to cover half of the childcare costs. I would also point out to him that when he’s unreliable that’s a loss of income for you, so he can be more reliable.