Why do some people let their children behave so badly?

Why should parents discipline something from school? Mess in school stays mess in school
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And this comment is a prime example of lazy parenting. People seem to think that when their kids are at school, parenting is paused. No wonder there are feral kids in the classroom if parents are giving them a free pass to behave how they like.

I know. Loads of people can't be bothered and don't want to say 'no' to their kids for some reason. Sick of it

Sometimes it's the really simple things too.

We had a playdate (that included the parents also 🤔) and I served the kids some slices of watermelon. The playdate kids started poking at the watermelon, breaking it up. They then didn't eat it cos it was mush. The parents said not a word. Not one word.

It's not always the parenting.
I have 3 dc and 2 of mine are as good as gold and 1 is very strong willed and particularly challenging. They are just different people and what works for the other 2 doesn't work for the other 1. If I only had the easy 2 I'd say I was a great parent and parenting is easy, if I only had the 1 not so easy child I'd think I was a bad parent.

There can’t be anything going on in their lives which means hitting others and swearing is acceptable.

Exactly, why should you shout and humiliate your child just to put on a show for everyone else.

Sit down quietly and talk to your child like a human being and explain calmly what you expect of them and why their behaviour isn't acceptable.

Much better results than shouting at them in front of the whole park/playground/shopping centre.

I can't stand parents yelling and screaming at their kids, that just teaches them to shout and yell back.
Talk to them calmly and they'll talk calmly back. They learn by example.

Where do you live? I've not seen much of that near me. Thought it could be a n area culture thing

Why should parents discipline something from school? Mess in school stays mess in school

You have got to be kidding? Parents need to take responsibility for their child's behaviour. As far as I'm concerned, the way my dc's behave at school is on me and DH. Yes the teachers have to deal with any incidents in the moment but it's up to us to make sure that those incidents do not happen in the future.

Same with my DD. But as a 5 year old child who has been masking all day at school, I don’t think she is naughty for crying/shouting on the bus. I just don’t. I want her to stop just as much as the other passengers , and I do everything I can to soothe her/try to calm her down.

If she goes to kick someone’s seat mid meltdown, I will of course turn her feet away from it. She knows she shouldn’t do it.

So yes, I agree that SEN doesn't mean you can do whatever you want and get away with it. But a meltdown isn’t always something that can be stopped straight away. I can physically restrain her from acting impulsively, but I can’t control the noise until she calms down.

And believe me I’m not just sat on my phone thinking, “Ah well, you’ve got Autism. You let rip girl!” I’m sat there giving her my FULL attention to try and calm her.

@Hikingqueen we must live in different countries, as I have not witnessed the collapse in standards of which you speak. In fact, my experience of young folk is that they are better educated, better parented and more well rounded than was the case in the 80s and 90s. I was in fact reminiscing just yesterday about all the vandalism, joy riding and car radio theft of yesteryear. Alas, you just don't see it these days.

Laziness or just being someone who does not like confrontation I think are important reasons.

Not helped by the examples of some in public life and their behaviour, Boris Johnson the worst but not only example.

I think the queue thing was incredibly annoying but my DC were quite vocal about this and sometimes this stopped kids from pushing in, often it didn’t.

My DD who is 13 has complained to me about very challenging children being rewarded at school with days out at a farm for misbehaving and others who behave don’t get anything was how she expressed it but I didn’t say that life isn’t going to be easy if you don’t learn how to behave so it’s not all great on the horizon. That said, let’s hope it works as we don’t know what’s happening in these DCs life.

My ds has SEN, but I still need to hold him accountable and responsible for his actions. Just because he has SEN, it doesn't mean that he can go around being abusive. If he assaults someone as an adult, the judge won't be saying "Oh, I see you have SEN. You are of course excused" No, he still needs to learn to function and behave appropriately in society.

In my childhood, many years ago, most families had a DF who went out to work and a DM who stayed at home and brought up the DC, now so many people can't afford to live a half decent life unless both DPs work that they're always pushed for time and don't want to spoil the little time they have together by telling the DC off. With the way the economy is going I can't see that improving.

@Goldenbear i described several alternatives but they are not as easy as authoritarian.

My point was a lot of parents opt for ignore because they either don't know how to parent effectively or they tried the other methods and they didn't work.

You have raised well mannered children because you were role modelled a positive parenting experience and you passed that onto your children. And because you were receptive to the parenting style your parents chose and so are your children.

A combination of environment, genetics and luck.

Give the child ice cream if you want, while talking over their problems - but not in front of the other children, as if they're being rewarded for bad behaviour.

Address the behaviour: safeguarding has to come first - that means making sure the the perpetrator is looked after but also that the other children can come to school free from intimidation and physical harm.

I recall some of my pupils complaining to the Head of Behaviour Support that Pupil X was getting treats for bad behaviour.

"No, no. You've got that wrong. He's getting rewards for good behaviour!"

"Aye, but he has to be bad first, isn't that right?"

Children aren't stupid.

Agreed. A Y1 teacher told me there must be no consequences at home for DS being kept in at break to finish work as he’d been talking and not concentrating - losing a break was enough. That’s fine - I agree with that.

But if my DS was chucking stuff around the classroom and swearing, no ice cream will be had. Instead there will be consequences at home. We have seriously lost sight of what is proper parenting when we excuse everything.

What..no ice-cream?

How does that solve the problem

Why is this always the excuse on here.

Because they shouldn't be allowed to own a dog, let alone have a child?

To add to your list, OP, a child gaily stamping all over a beautiful bed of scillas in Kew Gardens, with parents looking fondly on.

I’m still mad with myself for having said nothing.

Oh please. Badly behaved child, bad parenting.