Why do some people let their children behave so badly?

Buying them an ice-cream isn't saying it is acceptable

I have a ND DS and, while yes he is impulsive and does struggle to control his behaviour sometimes, I put a hell of a lot of effort into making sure he doesn't disrupt or hurt others and into teaching him right from wrong.

SEN is a reason to need to put even more work into parenting. It's not an excuse to not bother at all.

Of course it does. But buying them an ice-cream doesn't prevent that

You’ve missed the whole point. I think people are largely very tolerant of ‘children being children’ in this country. Jeez let’s face it - people coo coo over unruly dogs slobbering and being absolutely everywhere - I don’t see people tut tutting over ‘child noise’. Even churches are kid friendly these days.

No. This is about wilful naughtyness. Vandalism, pushing in, lack of respect for other people and nice things, being aggressive toward other children, being rude, being out of control etc. And parents doing NOTHING about it. That is not right. And indefensible imo.

Last year, an 11 year old vandalised some property where I work with spray paint. He was caught and subsequently interviewed with his mother. The child seemed ashamed and repeatedly tried to apologise but was over-ridden by his mother who said that ‘boys will be boys’ and the vandalism ‘didn’t matter that much’ and ‘how dare the police interview her son’.

That’s why so many children and teens are feral. The parents do nothing.

And you can confirm this how?

‘People are so intolerant of children misbehaving even a little bit, you may as well let them go the whole way anyway’ 🙄

The sheer audacity of people shamelessly defending bad behaviour…

‘you don’t know what going on their lives…’ no excuse
’stop being judgey’ I will judge because teachers are leaving the profession in droves and having breakdowns partly because of the consequences of shit parenting
’none of your business’ yes, it’s everybody’s business because it affects standards in society
’children can’t easily regulate’ no excuse for bad behaviour inflicted on others or complete disregard for social conventions
‘we are not all perfect parents’ well, at least fucking try.

Most of them probably have ASD or ADHD and therefore can’t control their behaviours and there’s not much the parents can do to stop them.

😂

Parenting is such an individual endeavour these days. Children are seen as belonging to, and the concern of, their parents only rather than part of a wider community that helps and supports them. You can see that in how isolated some young mothers are - no one to hold the baby while they shower, push the baby round in a pram while they rest or even just take an interest. Instead, parents are told "you chose to have children, they're your problem, you can't expect anyone else to be interested".

All very well, but it doesn't foster a sense of being part of a wider community with community standards. Instead, it promotes a "them and us" mentality, not helped by the fact that we do suffer in this country from a widespread intolerance of children just being children. When people will tut-tut at the smallest bit of child noise, sometimes it's tempting just to let the kids go the whole length since anything you do will be frowned at anyway. And with smaller extended families, the dropping birth rate and more people choosing not to have children, there are many more people who don't have experience of or tolerance for young children.

I do think our culture desensitizes parents somewhat. They (rightly imo) think that most people don't care about their kids and find them a nuisance, and so they don't care much about other people in return. I think it's a shame when this attitude carries over to schools though, as schools are the one institution which supports many children and families with nowhere else to turn.

I saw 2 unattended little girls, neither of whom would have been 5 yet if I had to put money on it. They were fighting, nearly wrestling each other to be able to hit the button for the pedestrian light at a busy crossroads junction.

I clearly wasn't the only one to raise an eyebrow as drivers were being extra careful rounding the corner due to their pushing, shoving and kicking each other quite close to the edge of the pavement.

They crossed at the appropriate time but clearly far too little to be walking to school without an adult.

I also remember years ago seeing a mum walking her toddler in a pram, toddler drinking from a takeaway straw cup. The child holds the cup up and turns to her mum as if to ask, what do I do with this? The mum gestured for the child to throw the cup onto the pavement. There was a bin not too far along from where they were walking. It infuriates me how careless some people really are in this world.

I’m with you op and I find it baffling. I think there are a variety of reasons.

One of my friends has no authority over her dc- they just ignore her completely so sometimes she’s just saving face and pretending she doesn’t notice because she’s helpless to do anything about it. They’re actually great kids in school where there are boundaries.

Others have issues with authority and it’s a sort of passive rebellion to encourage their dc to flout the rules.

Some people believe in their own/ their offspring’s exceptionalism. Rules are for everyone else.

Some people are a bit thick and oblivious to danger.

Some are depressed and just not coping.

I haven’t listed those with SN dc because ime they work bloody hard at parenting.

Yes

Surely you would feel ashamed or embarrassed if your dc was misbehaving at school or is that old fashioned

People can be entitled and ignorant. Our school have a no dog rule bur every home time there are parents bringing their dogs in to the playground. Last year a child was quite seriously bitten, but still there are people who ignore the rules.

Most pot kettle black comment I heard from parents is “Stop fucking swearing”. I mean if you use swear words towards your young children they don’t realise it’s a swear word.

Some parents have zero interest in their kids. Why have them then?

They're just awful lazy parents - and they're (sadly) everywhere. I never used to discipline other people's children but I do now when I see really bad behaviour with no one stopping it - I've had a few dirty looks but no one has yet argued back and hopefully it might shame sone of these useless parents into action. Although I doubt it.

When I was still a HoD/Faculty Head (Scotland) we had some parents who switched off their phones as soon as their children left the home.

One time, there was a medical emergency with a pupil and I couldn't get through on any of the emergency contact numbers. In desperation, I phoned the mother's work (nearby).

The father wrote a letter of complaint. The mother was a primary teacher...

I guess people said the same 20 years ago.

No, I’ve not seen this.