Male Nursery Staff

Sociologists will tell you that the tendency for men to be more violent than women is a result of traditional gender roles, such that in many cultures boys are raised to believe it’s important for them to be dominant and competitive, while girls are raised to be more nurturing and gentle.

A recent cross-cultural study using data from 63 countries around the world showed that male teenagers were nearly three times more likely to have engaged in fighting over the previous year than female teenagers. This difference was actually greater in cultures with more gender equality (ie, where traditional gender roles are not such an influence), so this provides support for the evolutionary explanation.

“Why are most murders, rapes and violent crimes committed by men?”

Evolutionary psychologists, however, would say that it has more to do with our evolved sex differences and the fact that males have historically competed for status and access to females.

Your sons are in no danger of not being treated equally. In fact I'd say that its unlikely they're in danger of losing their privilege anytime soon. Consider the big picture. We still live in a world where men are in charge of all key institutions that hold power and make the decisions we all have to live by. Do you think for a moment they're going to allow themselves to be subjugated and treated as less than women? Or that women are making a power grab by wanting to exclude strange men from nappy changing?

If you're trying to argue that women are as dangerous to children as men, then telling us a story about your son being attacked on 'a night out' and failing to mention that he was both a child and his attacker was (who knew!) a woman, is something of an oversight. Regardless, 13 year old boy scouts being randomly attacked by women on nights out is thankfully very rare I'd imagine. Much rarer than attacks of all sorts carried out by men. Which is why men are percieved as the greater danger.

@Desecratedcoconut it's the one and only one to live by,🤷‍♀️.

Why do you suspect other members of your family of being potential abusers? Do they have form or something?

Oh, mantras...that never ends badly.

Yes, because the vast majority of the care of children, both in the domestic and the public sphere falls to women. It would be quite remarkable- given the amount of labour that falls to women in raising children- if women were not significant perpetrators of physical and emotional abuse.

What is remarkably different is the percentage of women who sexually abuse children, comparable to men, even accounting for the fact that the vast amount of childcare labour falls to women.

And given that men are not less likely to physically and emotionally abused children, the sexual abuse of children is an added layer of risk that is additional.

5128gp because I believe in equality because I want to see and live in a world where my sons in the here and now like my nieces are treated equally . They had no part in historical behaviour so why on earth should they be impacted?

Equality for all., anything less is a failure of our society.

Women abuse children maybe not sexually as much but physically and emotionally

Did I say it was a man who attacked him? No your bias assumed it was. Actually a woman he was 13 in a scout uniform the leader saw it happen .....so no he didn't attack her first.

I'm not sure you understand scale.

Yes, all of this. The scale of child sex abuse is differentiated between the sexes by factors that make a mockery of the idea that both pose equal risk.

Yes, it's tough for most men that they occupy the sex class that pose the most danger and they are unfairly discriminated by people for whom observation of what is takes precedence over feelings of what should be when assessing the safety of their pre-verbal children.

Of course, it's not as tough for them as for the victims who are harmed in their wake.

Have you looked at how many female midwives have been convicted of abusive behaviour etc? Do you refuse female paediatric nurses because of how many have heart or killed children?

@CoatRack

I disagree.

It’s not : Parentsnet, it’s Mumsnet. Its website title infers a female bias/discrimination : that parenting is ‘Mums’. Yes, all are welcome - but there is a strong bias towards female topics of interest, style, shopping etc.

Yet I think society would see Mumsnet as a needed space for women, as we have experienced unfair discrimination and typically been oppressed.

If a website existed called ‘Whitesnet’, predominately for white people (but all are welcome) I think, quite rightly, it would banned. It could easily become a space for dominating and extremist views. A typically oppressed race or religion would probably feel it wasn’t a safe space for them.

Name checking one of the comparatively tiny number of women abusers is entirely pointless. Because if it comes to a straight choice between a strange man performing intimate care for your baby or a strange woman, few mothers, or indeed fathers, (who are often even more concerned about this) are going to opt for the man.
It doesn't matter how loud people shout about it not being fair to the tiny number of men who work in childcare, or how much people try to gaslight us into believing men and women pose equal risk of sexual abuse, most people will not be buying it for a second. We know the stats.
If men want to be trusted with intimate care of strange children, there's a lot of work to be done in building that trust. Whinging on MN about discrimination and pretending there's no difference between the sexes isn't the way.
Parents need to be reassured about checks, supervision and safeguarding practises. Men need to accept that due to the actions of some of them, trust needs to be earned by individual men, and is not always going to he the default.

Feeling uncomfortable is perfectly understandable. Stalking him on social media is bizarre behaviour. Move your child. You don’t trust the. It’s a no brainer. If I was worried enough to stalk this man, I’d never be returning my child there. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some men do horrible things, as do some women and unfortunately they don't always advertise themselves by "looking a bit creepy".

In childcare environments, there are measures in place to make abuse less likely and remove opportunity and protect staff from unfounded accusations (including you complaining about this staffmember because you don't like his facebook profile). Eg in many educational environments solid doors have been replaced with ones with large windows to keep everyone visible.

My experience of nursery was that nappy changes took place in a room that had very frequent footfall through it. When I took my child in to go to the toilet before taking him home there would often be a member of staff changing one of the little ones at a change table, and other bigger kids coming in and out to use the cubicles with other members of staff either present or popping a head round the door frequently to check if anyone needed help with bum wiping. So while the member of staff changing the baby would have put their name down as the person who did it, there would be others there and very little opportunity for anything untoward to go on.

Perhaps you should ask to be shown where the nappy changes take place and ask for confirmation of safeguarding arrangements to prevent abuse taking place? I think given normal levels of staff turnover and your wish to only have people you have assessed as OK change your childs nappy you are unlikely to find a nursery that you remain happy with throughout your child's time there.

It's a perfectly valid question, being female does not make them all perfect.

There is no need to berate OP on her anxious thoughts. OP, I know the majority of people here will tell you that it is great, gender equality, etc etc, but the truth is that if it doesn't make you feel comfortable, just change nurseries. Problem solved. Only you can make up your mind in your own boundaries, and you don't have to justify yourself to anyone. You will never feel happy with this nursery and you need to take care of your own mental health in this transition period of return to work, it can be overwhelming leaving your child in the care of someone else.

You've seen someone defend Vanessa George? Really?
If so then I'm sure the person who did so must have been roundly called out for it.

Why is it daft?
It is teaching your child to be nervous of men if you won't let your child be looked after in a nursery /school setting by them just because of that - that they're men.

@StormingNorman

Presumably you’re happy for unknown women to touch her genitals at nursery?

You are teaching your child to be nervous of men.

Really, how daft is this!

What nonsense. I certainly have never heard of read anyoneanywhere - and certainly not on MN - defending or excusing Vanessa George, or regarding her as anything other than the utter piece of shit she is. I doubt you have either.

You've never seen anyone on here paint women as just victims of men when they are convicted of abuse, and that "women as a sex class don't usually rape or assault, it's the men that do so they're a danger to be wary of"?
Ok, I'll take your word for it but I certainly have.