Male Nursery Staff

I'm the same, as in over all my years the only doctors /nurses I've had a problem with, whether that's with them being abusive or absolutely useless, it's always been women ones.
All the men have been lovely.
Does that mean because of my experiences, I should say I don't want a woman near me?
Of course not, as I don't automatically think they all pose a risk to me just because of their sex.

That's what comparable risk would look like in terms of outcome? Do you disagree?

Could you link to 98 women sexual abusers in childcare settings, for every 2 men that I find?

The ever moving goalposts....

My sons keyworker at nursery is male. He’s excellent at his job. I find incredibly sad that men showing an interest in caring for children is automatically met with suspicion.

All nurseries need to have good safeguarding policies no matter if the staff are male or female.

Put it this way, if there was an equal risk of men and women committing sexual abuse in childcare settings - you would be able to point to 98 examples of women for every two men that I could find - notwithstanding the fact that because it's such an anomaly in a man bites dog fashion, that the abuse perpetrated by women is more likely to be reported in the media. And you have an article here that links to four, one of which is unnamed and undated, between the abuse of Earl Spencer in his childhood days in the 70s and the current day.

Could you link to 98 women sexual abusers in childcare settings, for every 2 men that I find?

So, in all honesty now, if you wanted a babysitter for your baby, would you choose 60 year old Maureen, or 60 year old Bernard? Neither of whom you know well, but its an emergency.

Having read the OP and their responses, YABU.

Initially I understood your concern, and I wouldn't think you unreasonable if you requested that a male nursery worker didn't change your child's nappy, and moved your child to a different nursery if they couldn't accommodate that.

I think you became unreasonable when you decided that people who look a bit creepy are more of a threat, and because you clearly have no intention of following repeated suggestions outlined along the same lines as mine.

The nursery aren't going to sack this guy on zero evidence, so make your peace with it or move your child.

@TitanTins I don't accept it is okay to view all men the same. To me that is a slippery slope. I want my sons to have the level playing field the same as my nieces.

Innocent until proven otherwise that isn't unreasonable

Genuine question op, would you feel the same way about a man changing your child's nappy if you had a little boy? Because men are not necessarily safer for little boys.

Very true. I am a foster carer and currently have three boys in placement who were sexually abused by a woman (their mother). I know it's only one case but over the years have had others also.

After a horrible experience with a female gynaecologist many years ago, I secretly breathe a sigh of relief when a male gynaecologist walks through the door. However, I could of course never request a male as I would sound ridiculous or at worse a pervert myself. And of course I am being totally unfair to all the wonderful women doctors and nurses dealing with intimate matters, but I know my own experience has coloured my judgement so keep my feelings to myself.

This thread though makes me feel very, very sad.

Agreed. That's fair enough. Stalking people is weird. I did say broadly.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.emmottsnell.co.uk/blog/female-paedophiles-how-prevalent-are-they%3fhs_amp=true

More recent cases for you

I think OP is being unreasonable because she claims to find this man creepy and she’s upset enough to stalk him on social media. I would immediately remove my child from any setting in which I was concerned for their physical safety.

So, broadly, there are three camps of posters who believe that the op is unreasonable. And they fall into:

A) You are deliberately dense - and you intend to pretend that men and women are comparable csa perpetrators.

B) You are dense-dense - and you think that because you can point to some examples of women who have sexually abused children in childcare settings that the risk is comparable to men.

C) You openly state that there is a gulf between men and women when it comes to the risks around vulnerable children in childcare settings - but this knowledge makes you feel bad for the majority of men who are not child abusers in childcare settings and you think that parents should take one for the team, prioritising fairness over all else.

I'm not sure if people are being deliberately dense or if they are dense-dense.

I think it's an appalling indictment of mathematical literacy that so many people believe that there is parity of sexual criminality between the sexes.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.emmottsnell.co.uk/blog/female-paedophiles-how-prevalent-are-they%3fhs_amp=true

Hmm

Seems I could start naming females too...

Why else would you be asking what a victim was doing out on a night wearing what they were?

FFS

Not to mention the victim blaming
Ugh on so many levels.

@Marblessolveeverything

But is it a chicken and egg situation? The hateful questioning will stop when the crimes against women/children stop. And yes, globally - it is far, far more likely that men will commit these crimes more so than women. As outlined in the BBC science article I copy pasted above.

@IntermittentFarting
I would ask what your 13YO son was doing "on a night out" in his scout uniform

What exactly are you trying to get at, exactly, with that?
You do realise Scouts go out in their uniform, right? Even on a night, that they can do activities that require uniform to be worn?!
Or are we back at must have been up to no good or implying some weird pervert thing for having a uniform on?!
FFS.

Yes, how are they treated equally when they're automatically looked at with suspicion and as potential attackers/perverts just because they're male?
Whatever their age.

My bias? 😂😂🤣🤣
Yes, I'm also biased to think it's more likely to snow in winter, too.

If you genuinely believe that men and women are equally likely to assault others and have similar offending rates, then I'd advise you to get off MN and maybe watch the news, read a book or something. Maybe look up male/female prisoner ratios, too. Actually, I'll save you the effort: female prisoners make up less than 4% of the UK prison population.

I would ask what your 13YO son was doing "on a night out" in his scout uniform, but then my opinions aren't based on the unsubstantiated apocryphal tales of others, chiefly because they also tend to bend to suit the argument at hand.

they are not treated as equal. If they go into childcare their would be the hateful questioning that is evident here.