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Male Nursery Staff

616 replies

herei · 24/04/2024 15:59

My child is in Nursery after my return to work. They nursery chain have been hiring make staff recently. My child's nursery has 3 male staff.

My daughter's nappy was changed by a male member of staff. For my own personal reasons I feel upset about this but not sure if I can even say or do anything. I just don't like it.

OP posts:
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9
AlpineMuesli · 24/04/2024 17:07

IcedCoffeePlease96 · 24/04/2024 17:00

There was also a woman doing this at a nursery in Plymouth that made the news years ago. What’s your point exactly?

I think OP is entirely allowed to feel how she feels.

leopardsnowleopard · 24/04/2024 17:03

Curlyblondefemale · 24/04/2024 16:34

I get where you're coming from so I hate to point this out but the last case I recall about a worker abusing children in a nursery was actually a woman (Vanessa George) New rules were put in place after this to prevent others doing the same.
I didn't want anyone changing my sons nappy because of my past experiences so I waited until he was fully toilet trained (2 and a half years) before I went back to work.
You could try speaking to the nursery to see if that lessens your anxiety or maybe you'd feel more comfortable with a childminder rather than a nursery.

Erm, someone would have still taken them to the loo!

AlpineMuesli · 24/04/2024 17:03

Also searchable: Jayden McCarthy 18, Andrew Evans, James Riley 42, and one in Cambridgeshire whose name was protected. Really not hard to find.

yarnwitch · 24/04/2024 17:02

I have no issue with male childcare staff or teachers. But I wouldn't have a male do my child's nappy changing no. The same as I wouldn't let any other random man change their nappy. DBS and background checks only work if there has been a conviction.
I do have reasons which I won't disclose on here.

IcedCoffeePlease96 · 24/04/2024 17:00

AlpineMuesli · 24/04/2024 16:58

Haven’t rtft but had a quick google as many seem certain this can’t happen and this was the 4th story down.

https://www.stokesentinel.co.uk/news/stoke-on-trent-news/nursery-worker-abused-young-children-9235926.amp

There was also a woman doing this at a nursery in Plymouth that made the news years ago. What’s your point exactly?

MyUsernameIsBetterThanYours · 24/04/2024 17:00

Hmm is it normal for most nurseries to have nappy changing in view of other staff? I don’t think ours does, there’s a separate nappy changing bathroom. It hadn’t it occurred to me to question it until reading this thread. 😕

TheChippendenSpook · 24/04/2024 17:00

I've said it before on here but I've worked with a few male nursery nurses in the past and they were all brilliant. .

Why can't men want to look after children for a living?

ToryHater · 24/04/2024 16:59

I really hope if you request the nursery don’t allow the males to change the kids they back the staff and ask you to leave

I dont think they would have a choice without exposing themselves to a sex discrimination action

alittlebitworried82 · 24/04/2024 16:57

I think the OP is allowed to have concerns. We have no understanding on why she feels like this. However, if I had experienced SA as a child (or even as an adult) this wouldn't sit comfortably with me! We are parents first and foremost and our instinct is to protect.

Can you mention to nursery and ask only a female changes her.

Inlimboin50s · 24/04/2024 16:57

I'm all for men working in nursery's and believe it's a great role model but I wouldn't want a Male worker changing my young daughters nappy.
But this is because my daughter was abused by her step dad and we have only just found out 15 years on when she is 25. It's sad I look at men differently now.

KreedKafer · 24/04/2024 16:54

herei · 24/04/2024 16:28

I know my view is likely unreasonable but I just seen the make name against my child's record for nappy changing and I'm shocked by my reaction.

There seems to be some males on other nursery's they are trying to be more equally now I guess.

I don't even let other family members change my child's nappy but a male staff member I've never met can do this.

There is supposed to be a 2 staff member ratio but I've seen staff walking out of nappy area alone before. The baby room which is the youngest room, the nappy area is at the back and out of view. The rest of the rooms I'm more comfortable with as more open.

I want to cry I don't want a man touching my child, I don't want a man rubbing cream on my child's genitals

You say in your first post that you have a 'personal reason' for all this. I'm sorry to hear that.

But I think you do need to accept that this is your personal issue and not the fault of the nursery or the staff. You can be upset about it, and you can move your child to a different nursery if you like, but YWBU to suggest that it's inappropriate for a man to change a baby's nappy.

Throughout your child's life, they will at various times have male doctors, male nurses and male teachers. There's obviously some form of trauma in your past that's affecting your view on this, but I think you need to accept that you cannot possibly expect your child never to receive any kind of care from a man.

WithACatLikeTread · 24/04/2024 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

May as well tell the dad of your children not to change nappies either.

rwalker · 24/04/2024 16:52

Personally I don’t agree with you and think your wrong
but you feel how you feel and everyone has a right to an opinion and view on things

move your child elsewhere

and I really hope if you request the nursery don’t allow the males to change the kids they back the staff and ask you to leave

Onetiredbeing · 24/04/2024 16:52

Dacadactyl · 24/04/2024 16:45

I wouldn't like it either OP.

Me either. There's of course no rational reason but I just wouldn't like it either. We have had friends and family over and wouldn't change my dd in front of the males even though we know them all well and no need for concern. I wouldn't do it in front of people I know so would just not be ok with strangers. It is awful thinking that and I know that all staff would have to follow guidelines but its not for me.

Neverpostagain · 24/04/2024 16:51

God, my brother worked in a nursery 20 years ago, then became a primary school teacher, then had three children of his own. No complaints from any of them. How is this still seen as unusual??

MFF2010 · 24/04/2024 16:51

I wouldn't let my children be cared for by a male. My brother was abused by a male carer when he was a child and the nursery I initially sent my kids to had had to fire a male member of staff after he was convicted for having child abuse images (this happened before I sent my kids there) 🤷‍♀️ also 99% of sexual offences are carried out by men, why take the risk.

Needsomezzzz · 24/04/2024 16:50

This is a you issue not a nursery issue.
As many have said Nurseries have to follow safeguarding procedures. A staff members gender/sex is irrelevant to being able to do the job.

Maybe a nursery setting is not for you. Perhaps try a childminder.

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 24/04/2024 16:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

It was always my understanding that children were as likely, more likely even, to be abused by family members.

WithACatLikeTread · 24/04/2024 16:50

This reply has been deleted

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So every man is a pedo? You do realise women have been convicted of abusing kids in nurseries don't you?

MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 24/04/2024 16:50

OP did you not know that men worked there when your child started the nursery? Did you discuss any concerns you had about nappy changing during that time?

notthatperson · 24/04/2024 16:50

ToryHater · 24/04/2024 16:45

To all the people saying move your child to another nursery, how do you know the new nurseries next hire won't be male? The nursery cannot reject applicants because they are male, nor can they change their procedures because they employ a male

You don't. But if you're the one with the problem you just keep moving your kid

PietariKontio · 24/04/2024 16:49

As someone who changed my daughter and son’s nappies from day 1, and worked in childcare for both mainstream kids and those with disabilities, I can tell you exactly what my motivations were.

To support children to feel safe, confident, to help develop skills and self-expression, to help them socialise and have fun, to help them develop their physical abilities and build friendships.

as for my motivation for working with some who wore nappies or pads, well, aside from that was in no way a reason for doing the job anyway, my aim was to ensure health and comfort.

While its true that the vast majority of pedophiles are men, it’s just as true that the vast majority of men are not, including those who choose to work in care.

You protect kids and other vulnerable people, not by removing men from childcare spaces, but by having systems and processes that prevent abuse from happening. It’s not difficult, in fact with everyone’s vigilance it’s actually quite simple, in fact, in over 20 years working in care, none of the places I’ve worked in has had a case of abuse of any kind. You don’t hear about those places, however, so the narrative is skewed.

ilIncidentally, your child in hospital is far more likely to be murdered by a female nurse, would you like them banned, or would you just like proper safeguarding procedures in place to prevent it?

Also think of the last case of sexual abuse you heard of in a nursery, what was the sex of the perpetrator? She may have been manipulated by an outside man, but still, she did it, and she, whatever her motivations, was infinitely more of a risk to children than I have ever been.

Desecratedcoconut · 24/04/2024 16:48

ToryHater · 24/04/2024 16:45

To all the people saying move your child to another nursery, how do you know the new nurseries next hire won't be male? The nursery cannot reject applicants because they are male, nor can they change their procedures because they employ a male

Only 2% of early childcare workers are male, it's not likely. Given the current place seems to be mopping up the local quota, even less likely.

curiouscat1987 · 24/04/2024 16:47

My daughters nursery also has 3 male staff members - she really likes them all. Its so important for her to see a mix of people in different environments so she doesnt get these pre conceived ideas about 'boys things' and 'girls things'. Equality goes both ways op!