Male Nursery Staff

so you don't like the way he looks so you stalked him on facebook and linked in?
Maybe you should follow him home so you can check out his living arrangements too. If you lurk outside when it's dark he might not close his curtains properly either so you can see in to get more proof of how weird and creepy he is.

Hopefully he won't see you though because you doing your due dilligence might make you look like a creepy weirdo when he's the creepy one. Maybe you should just change nursery to one where you like the way the staff look instead.

yes it would be great if society was set up so we could look after our own children, wouldn't it. however, whilst that isn't the case, an easy way to reduce the risk by 95% is to not allow males to work in nurseries/childcare. that IS safeguarding. it's easy and effective

why is it more important to you that men 'do what ever job they like', than reducing the risk of babies being abused?

The only way of 100% ensuring no abuse will take place is to take care of the child yourself at all times. That’s not feasible. Maybe the focus needs to be on rigorous safeguarding. And by that I don’t mean background checks. I mean ensuring that no member of staff is ever left alone with a child. That way the “poor innocent men” can do whatever job they like without putting anyone at risk.

You’ve not understood what I have said. Your decision making is flawed as it is based on fear and not rationality and you haven’t got a clue about the underlying stats. You will likely be a risk averse parent who denies their children grow opportunities as you focus on reducing your own anxiety to the detriment of their growth but crack on.

@CoatRack

I think it depends.

Here we are posting on ‘Mumsnet’. Is that discriminatory? Are we supporting that discrimination by posting here?

A forum called ‘Whitesnet’ would be wrong.

Music of Black Origin award is acceptable.
Music of white origin award would be unacceptable.

I think it’s do with the typically oppressed v’s those who have been dominant in society. And to make sure - especially - that the typically oppressed group have space, safety, equality.

If there was no female/male discrimination in the Olympics, men would dominate and women would have no glory.

I actually don't care if some poor innocent men, feel unable to follow their dreams of working with small babies because of the stigma. it's a small price to pay, to keep the babies safe from abuse

how do you clean the poo off and out, without touching ??

OP, you have a poor understanding of the statistics around sexual abuse. You also don’t understand the difference between relational and actuarial risk. I feel sorry for your family and your children.

I'm sorry you don't feel you can be safe around 50% of the population. My son was attacked on a night out, I know more males who have had attacks than women

Yes, and they're being attacked by OTHER MEN. It's the sex of the attacker here that's the issue, not the sex of the victim!

It’s very unfair for you to just assume this man could be a risk with no evidence whatsoever. Many women enjoy careers with babies because they find it rewarding to take care of them. Why should it be different for men? Changing nappies is only a relatively small part of their day and not the rewarding reason people go into that career.

I would hope the nursery has strict safeguarding policies in place for all staff delivering intimate care, regardless of their gender. It only takes one rumour to destroy someone’s career.

Also it’s interesting that you say your daughter’s too young to be aware of male role models but old enough to feel uncomfortable that a male is changing her nappy. She would only feel uncomfortable if something was wrong and you have no evidence of that.

I think you should find a new nursery if it upsets you that much but be aware that other nurseries may hire males and you may need to change again. Maybe a childminder would be better.

To be honest a lot of people here seem to be demonstrating they don't really understand safeguarding.

Those gleefully citing the fact that most abuse happens in the home, perhaps need to address why that is. Is it because men who are child abusers never leave the house, or turn into upstanding citizens when leaving the house or prefer to abuse relatives, or is it because due to safeguarding measures those men find it harder to access children to abuse.

Currently the mostly female nature of eyfs and Primary education works as a safeguarding measure in itself. It means statistically a young child is less likely to come into contact with an abuser. If nursery workers were 50/50 you'd see a huge spike is assaults. There is data to support this. There is no data for any of the race based gotchas being used. Safeguarding is not a personal insult to your man. It's a process to minimise risk.

For me it's more about not having loads of different members of staff taking it in turns changing my child's nappy when I don't know them very well. A childminder is more of a personal relationship for the parent and the child and of course you'd have to trust them.
The thought of seeing someone's name down for a nappy change for your child when you don't know the person is weird for me. But I understand I'm privileged that I didn't need nursery when mine was a tiny baby.

Of course it's a problem but they are not going to be able to abuse the baby as parents always with them. And also the mother's are the main patients

I wondered how long that would take....

Ok I'm going to ask all the men haters at what point do you start hating them....
Do you look at your new born and think oh no I've given birth to a monster? Is it in the womb? Is a 5 year old a risk not to be played with? Is it 11, 15, 16 when do you think they are suddenly monsters?
Do you feel the mothers have been downtrodden and had no influence?
If you're attacked by a different ethnic race are they all suddenly dangerous?
Do you trust your female paediatric nurse?
Is it bad relationships with mothers so a mother's fault?
What exactly do you think?

Of course it's discriminatory, but we allow it.

Hypothetical where you have the ability to dictate usage of changing rooms:

1. A woman says she wants female changing rooms because she doesn't feel safe around me, because men commit proportionally more sex crimes. Presents crime stats confirming this

How do you react? Why?

1. A woman says she wants white female changing rooms because she doesn't feel safe around men of [insert race/religion/culture] because they commit proportionally more sex crimes. Presents crime stats confirming this

How do you react? Why?

From a safeguarding point of view, wouldn't a nursery be safer than a childminder or nanny? While childminders and nannies you have more control over who is with your child... they also have less daily oversight. For example, the policy of having two members of staff in the room during nappy changes.

Ultimately, childcare comes down to trust. You need to trust who has your child... be that relative, nursery, or childminder, male or female.

Most children are not abused fewer sexually that risk needs to be put in perspective.
I'm sorry you don't feel you can be safe around 50% of the population. My son was attacked on a night out, I know more males who have had attacks than women, we all have to risk assess all the time male or female the street are not safe full stop.....but nursery is not the street and home for a child is far more dangerous so maybe all children should be taken away from it by your logic?

Genuine question op, would you feel the same way about a man changing your child's nappy if you had a little boy? Because men are not necessarily safer for little boys.

I do actually really feel for you having to go back to work and dealing with the thought of strangers changing your child's nappy but it's not a man changing a little girl that would be the issue for me. I never had strangers changing my children and think I would have been more comfortable with a childminder setting at the baby stage. Nursery for when they're walking talking and potty trained.

I'd suggest that you consider whether you trust the setting. Do they take safeguarding seriously? Are processes etc adhered to, staff are well trained etc? If so, then what's the problem? If not, then why are you not removing your dc?

@StormingNorman it sounds like you have lived a very lucky life not to experience SA/DV or any negative experience from men. Personally I think men have a lot of work to do themselves to change the narrative.

Asking the poster to go to therapy is victim blaming. I think most intelligent people know most men aren't sexual abusers, however if women do have concerns/worries for whatever reason I don't think these should be dismissed.

@StormingNorman

“What happens if I ask to be seen/treated by a female doctor only?
Any O&G department will do their best to provide a woman doctor for you if you state a preference, and it helps if you ask in advance and ensure your request is included with the referral letter from your general practitioner. If it’s not possible, and the situation isn’t urgent, it may be possible to arrange a further appointment at a time when a female doctor is available for you.”

Based on a past experience I had with a male gynaecologist - I feel I should have the right to request a female doctor.

But what percentage of men are paedophiles?