Realistic for SIL to rely on inheriting mother's London house

With family history dementia they could be many years in care home. Round the clock home based care not far off

Ahh sounds like you are from Singapore 😃

The housing situaiton is very different here. There is long term, secure rented housing supplied by local authorities but it is very hard to qualify for. Everyone else is on their own and has to buy on the open market or rent privately (which is very insecure).

Work place have to offer an additional pension scheme to the state pension, but you can opt out. Obviously healthcare is free at the point of use, regardless of tax paid.

If MIl has a house in London worth 600k than she is wealthier than 70% of the Uk population.

So she is wealthy.

I understand you are not British and are asking about inheritance/older people generally.

So probably about half the British population own their own home. Half rent.

The majority of people of state pension age or above own their own home. They live on a mix of state pension and private pensions. The state pension alone is not enough to live on but people over state pension age are also entitled to pension credit which is a benefit that tops up the state pension to an amount that can be lived on.

Some people as they get older retire elsewhere. Both my grandparents grew up and lived in London. One set retired to the south coast (extremely popular with pensioners as it's warmer and cheaper). The other set moved to be near their children.

This move usually frees up capital - they sell a big family house in an expensive area and buy a two bedroom house in a cheap area. The capital is then sometimes used for house deposits for other younger family members or to go on cruises depending!

So as the parents age they don't live in the same house as their children but they often live close. So for example my grandma lived about 20 mins walk from us once she left London. So we popped in and she popped in and mum did her shopping and dad took her to medical appointments etc,

This isn't always the case - some people retire in a beauty spot or miles away from family. But it is reasonably common.

My dad died of cancer recently. He never went into a care home. He has two children, one in New Zealand and I'm 4 hours drive away. After operations when he needed care he was in hospital and then came home with 4 care visits a day. So no live in carers but visits.

At the end, he was on a hospice waiting list but they didn't have space for him so he went into (normal NHS) hospital on palliative care and that is where he died,

OP a 25 year old living in the family home is not unusual at all, youngsters often take a good few years to get their act together and either start saving for a house deposit or move into rented accommodation.
Young adults in London often stay at home longer because they want the London lifestyle but it’s obviously a lot of money to rent or buy a property.

Has MIL told SIL she is leaving everything to her,? If not, she is being a bit presumptious.
If MIL finds herself struggling financially she may decide to release some equity from her house. That will put a large dent in any potential inheritance.

SIL might just find herself middle aged and homeless in a few years 🤔

Yes and was that in answer to op asking/demanding to know what she'd do so the SIL was taking the mickey/being defensive?

I am also sure this has been posted before, which is not a crime of course but a nod to this in the opening post would have helped. the assertion that you need to be pretty and sociable and normal to snare a man made me chuckle. All round oddness, not just the SIL.

Also in English law there is no right of family to inherit, so MIL can leave her house to whoever she likes. You can make a court claim against the estate if you were financially dependent on the deceased, but it would be hard for an able bodied adult child to argue that.

Here’s how it could get eroded;

MIL work runs out in 2 years.
Release equity from house for 5 years to release £20k Pa Total: £100k.

MIL has no pension other than state.
Release equity @ £10k a year to top up state pension x 20 years:
Total £200k

Interest and fees on all that, maybe
Total £30k

New boiler x 2, new roof during 25 years :
Total £25k

House sale fees: £10k

Care home for 3 years (takes her to 90)
£350k

Money Gone!

If no care home:

SIL discovers that MIL’s will splits the house with other none house owning siblings. But inherits £100k

She cannot live in the house because it will need to be sold to cover all the equity release.

£100k is about 4 years living costs if you have rent to pay.

@Opalfleur2025 no harm in asking questions!

Most people in the UK expect to move out of the family home in early adulthood (18 - 25) and live independently. British people generally people prefer buying to renting but with house prices the way they are that can be hard, especially in London. So adult children often can stay in the family home longer than before and people often rely on inheritance to get a deposit to buy a house.

Live in domestic help is very rare and confined to the wealthy. Older people will rely on family or paid carer who will visit one or two times a day - depending on your income you or the council will pay. If you can no longer live at home you can go in to a care home, again depending on the money you have the council may pay but often you will have to contribute - if most of your wealth is in houing you will have to sell the house to pay for it.

Most people in the UK will qualify ofr a stat pension at 67 - it is enough for a basic lifestyle but not much more. A lot of people supplement this with a private pension.

In theory it's OK.

Obvious risks that money is decreased by splitting with siblings or carehomes fees. Assume she realises that.

I'd be more concerned about what if mil lives healthy and happy to 100? Sil will be wanting to retire but can't because she can't sell the house. She'll still have a roof over her head and basic bills paid by mil but nothing to have 'a retirement' with.

Also article writing type jobs are likely to go with Artificial Intelligence, what backup will she have? She'll probably need a more official job in a few years anyway.

I've no idea who Gary is nor the viability of his economics but why are you assuming MIL would go into a care home?
She could drop down in the street or house, or die in hospital, or anything.
Only between 1 in 5/1 in 6 people die in a care home and many of these will have only been in the home a short time - my granddad died within a fortnight iirc.

Even if she needed at home care, this wouldn't cost anything like as much and you'd assume that SIL would be in a position to provide a lot of it given her specific circs - although again who knows what could happen, she could meet a rich partner and move out?

I think your mil should probably do some financial planning at some stage but based on multiple various possibilities not just this one specific scenario.

My granny has been in car for a year. Similar situation and house. Has a lot of cash savings and a decent pension on top of state. She's spent more than £50k in care fees so far. She's got four years until we will have to sell the house. So no, I wouldn't count on that.

If she gets dementia as she gets older (or a host of other things) she will entitled to attendance allowance.
She could get cancer, have a stroke, her children could die first, you could die and never find out. Anything could happen, you are worrying about spending that might never happen.

It’s obviously unrealistic as a guarantee, anything could happen.

But why is it your business? Just make it clear to your DH. Who should make it clear to his sister, that you will not be part of her future strategy in terms of providing money or housing, or indeed nursing MIL for a protracted period so that SIL can protect her supposed inheritance.

The whole family sound feckless in various ways. SIL is young, had time to cop on, but needs to consider that as her mum had also ‘winged it’ with no pension, she will probably start remortgaging the house to support herself as soon as her paid work dries up. And she won’t get state pension for another 7 years.

Nice private care home London is £2050 a week. 100k + a year
Think again.

Oh, she will soon tire of this though. It's not such a good look at age 35, 45, 55!

Her friends will start to get married and have kids, and she will want more from life than living with Mummy.

Her Mum could live well into her 90's! DH and I are in our 50's and both have parents who are alive.

I can't see her still being in the same boat at 50!

If you read all of OPs posts, SIL didn't even say she's relying on this inheritance. She just said about winging it and OP ASSUMED she meant getting money from her DM.

Only 2.5% of the elderly population are in care homes (and for arguments sake say the same again are cared for in their own homes). So it is unlikely statistically that she will.
If in her 60s (as am I and still have a teenager!), then she is (also statistically) likely to live at least another 20 years.
So, does you SIL not see herself ever getting married? Or after a few years want a more challenging job? Maybe not. And if her mother should need some care is she willing to provide that? And has your MIL definitely said that she'll leave the house in its entirety to her? Say she did, would she then sell it and move into a smaller property? £12k/year isn't enough to run a house and pay all bills and put food in the table plus buy the odd bit of clothing or socialise.
Her mother may also decide to sell up and release some capital to go on some trips while she's still fully able - she may even meet someone and get married herself!
But it's likely your SIL will not change until forced to.