Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you send failing asd kid to private school?

93 replies

Pippy2022 · 24/04/2024 09:33

Have a little dilemma. I can only afford private school for one kid.

Do you send the non-academic (1-2 yrs behind), dyslexic, autistic child to a non-selective supportive private school (Y7+) so she has the 'best' possible start in life (IF private school let's her in....she is atrocious at any sort of tests). She is more straightforward and less overwhelmed than child no.2.

OR do you send next child who is also possibly autistic but is bright. This child may pass 11+ and go to a good grammar. However, this child is very emotional etc and would benefit from a smaller classroom.

Which would you choose?

OP posts:
mitogoshi · 24/04/2024 10:21

And I wouldn't choose grammar though to be honest I've never been in a grammar school area

mitogoshi · 24/04/2024 10:20

I wouldn't send either, I'd use the money for tutoring, therapy or enrichment

BoohooWoohoo · 24/04/2024 10:19

Grammar school is competitive and pressurized so would it suit your child who needs a more gentler environment ?

Moglet4 · 24/04/2024 10:15

I don’t think going to grammar is unfair compared with state as it is essentially just selective state. I’d be careful though: do you really think grammar would suit your second child? Most of them are highly pressurised (obviously it depends on the area you’re in)

Sprinkles211 · 24/04/2024 10:12

Both your children need ehcps, do not think because one is more academic that she needs less help. I was that brighter sibling that was sent to grammar school. (My younger sibling went to specialist) I failed at school and consequently life and jobs ever since and my sibling who got the support he needed because his problems appeared more openly then mine now holds down a £40,000+pa job with a house, wife and 2 kids. My problems started aged 12 after a year at grammar the social burn out and masking became just too much, I'm now late 30s and I still struggle

BaconCozzers · 24/04/2024 09:58

Would a selective grammar be the best fit for an 'emotional' child op?

MabelsBeats · 24/04/2024 09:58

I would do whatever you have to do to provide the best for both. I am in a situation where what is right for my children looks drastically different, because one is NT and a high flyer, and one is ND and struggles.

They are different. I can’t push them through the same funnel of experiences and education, it wouldn’t be fair, the ND one couldn’t remotely cope, and can’t benefit from various things that my NT child excels at. What I can do is do the absolute best by each child, ensuring that what’s provided for each is what works for their particular needs.

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 24/04/2024 09:51

The private school caters to autistic and dyslexic needs so would be ideal for child no 1.

Child no 2 going to a grammar would presumably be 'unfair' on child no 1 who isn't bright and will lagg in a state school.....

OP posts:
RandomMess · 24/04/2024 09:48

I would be realistic that you may have to home school. Find out about alternate provision in your area including medical unit.

Get the EHCP ball rolling if you haven't already. Be prepared to fight for what they need.

AmaryllisChorus · 24/04/2024 09:43

CanaryCanary · 24/04/2024 09:39

Save your money and spend it on tutors, occupational therapists etc as needed by both of them.

In your circumstances, I'd do this. Spend money on additional tutors that you can carefully select, who really connect with your child. And maybe on some therapeutic help to overcome overwhelm or social anxiety to set them up for secondary school.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/04/2024 09:42

Agree with the majority.if you have that kind of money, use it to benefit both kids as their needs require it

Octavia64 · 24/04/2024 09:41

Private schools of the traditional kind with entrance tests are generally not good with Sen.

You need to choose very very carefully if you have an autistic child who is behind and you want them to go private.

BodyKeepingScore · 24/04/2024 09:41

If I couldn't send both I wouldn't send any. It's likely to cause resentment in later life. If instead invest the money in additional supports in the form of tutoring and therapy for whichever child needed them.

BaconCozzers · 24/04/2024 09:40

I wouldn't choose.

CanaryCanary · 24/04/2024 09:39

Save your money and spend it on tutors, occupational therapists etc as needed by both of them.

Waffleson · 24/04/2024 09:39

I think it would be divisive to pick one, and I also agree you need to be careful in assuming a private school is better for SEN. Getting an EHCP, choosing a good state school and paying for extra help may be a better option.

Londonrach1 · 24/04/2024 09:36

Be careful. Most private school s are not great for sens.

IfIwasrude · 24/04/2024 09:35

I wouldn't pick just one.

Most private schools are not great with additional needs. I would pay for specialist tutors starting from an early age as this lessens the likelihood of needing long term help later.

Swipe left for the next trending thread