Do you send failing asd kid to private school?

OP I did exactly that. DD adhd and ASD went to all girls private school that have great SEN and she is thriving.

My neighbour is doing exactly what you are proposing to do too.

You chose the school that is right for your child and if the other DC is really bright grammar is probably the better place.

Not read full thread, but spotted some discussion of grammar schools and SEN. I am a parent of SEN dcs, and all have been (or are going to) grammar schools. The lessons I have taken from my dcs’ experience is that grammar schools can be a good fit for SEN (they can sometimes offer more SEN input, per child, as the numbers of SEN children tend to be lower in selective schools (because of the nature of the entrance tests); but this depends massively on the school, and how flexible they are willing to be, in terms of how many gcses each child has to take, and what the arrangements are for exams and mocks etc (which can make a massive difference to how a child performs), and what the pastoral support is like.

One in private and one in state is fine if it works for the kids individually.

Because those saying private school isn't good for SEN and those concerned about VAT for those with SEN are not the same people?

Is there a good SEN/dyslexia school for child 1? I would definitely try for an EHCP if they are 1-2 years behind.
If child 2 needs smaller classes then I might look into private for them. It will be harder (not necessarily impossible) to get an EHCP for child 2 with no diagnosis, no behavioural issues and not academically behind. But a grammar might suit them too.
Wellbeing is a more important factor than academics in my opinion (having 2 teenagers who have both struggled to different extents with secondary) although it sounds like they might both benefit which makes the decision hard.

I suspect all those claiming private schools are not good for SEN don’t have first hand experience, or maybe have experience with one school that isn’t good with SEN. There’s a lot of diversity across what private schools offer, so anyone making sweeping statements like that is not very well informed.

my dc’s school sounds very similar to what the op is evaluating- a mainstream but nonselective private that has built a reputation for supporting ‘milder’ SEN such as dyslexia and autism. probably a third of the junior school children have SEN, and there is a great deal of expertise amongst classroom teachers, not to mention SEN lead and a literacy specialist on staff.

My two dc sound a bit like the OP’s in that one was clearly ND and was struggling in her state school before we moved her. My other dc maybe has some literacy challenges (looking at dyslexia now) but that was not on my radar when we moved her with her sister. In retrospect I am really grateful that we moved them both, as when second dc started to struggle we were able to intervene immediately, which wouldn’t have been the case had we kept her in state. I am not sure how you make the decision, but I don’t think you have to give each exactly the same when they have different needs.

Wishing you the best of luck with Kent. They are probably the worst LA in the United Kingdom, from my experience anyway. Prepare for battle sadly

Could you send child 1 if it’s going well enough for child 2 apply for a bursary/scholarship?

Lovely FiL offered to pay for youngest to go BUT When I looked into it there were hidden pitfalls and extra costs. I used the ‘see if you can see a child that reminds you of yours and look to check if they are happy to be there’ as my schools rule of thumb.

Instead I opted for an inclusive primary. This offered smaller breakout teaching groups for SEN, provided additional support for youngest and differentiated for horribly gifted ASD son. They could also bring in SALTs physio and OT to work with youngest as well as specialist focus outreach teams. It would have cost me a lot if I had had to fund all that on top. FiL paid for additional out of school one to one tuition for youngest and access to extra gifted teaching for horribly gifted child. That helped both of them. Youngest continues to have struggles inc health but managed to gain GCSEs. Son blagged his way onto a higher apprenticeship and had his degree paid for and was paid to learn.

Look at the possible longer term gains and keep your children’s options open.

If Senco says no you can apply yourself. The LA will contact school later in the process anyway.
A lot of schools try to put parents off due to the costs involved as the first bit of money comes out of their budget.

So many people saying private isn't good for SEN. Yet whenever the subject of VAT on school fees is broached there's an avalanche of posters wailing 'but what about SEN?' Which is it?

The criteria for EHCP assessment is might/does have SEN and might/does need support in school.
It's a very loose legal test.
Don't believe any of the myths about academic achievement and so on, focus on the law not local or school policy.
The fact that you are posting and asking suggests their needs aren't being fully met.
She could be behind due to class noise, not understanding instructions, sensory overwhelm and so on.

Personally I'd fire off the request, there are template letters you can adjust. And go from there. You've got nothing to lose spending an hour on that really.

Depending on who your LA is be aware that some unlawfully refuse all requests without considering them correctly. You can appeal and parents win over 98% of the time. Just in case you are in one of those areas.

Lots suggesting private schools aren't good with SEN. In my experience that tends to come from those who have no experience of what a private school can offer for children with SEN. We're sending DS to a school which has a specialist unit for dyslexia and is well known for how well it supports children with it. Indeed when I told friends we were doing this, the first thing they said is we'd be better off staying in state as we'd get more support. Not sure where that comes from as support for SEN is woefully underfunded where I am but I think it's just a common misconception.

What country are you in?
If it's England or Wales and you have EHCPs for the children then they won't be going to secondary via the 11+ you'll be naming it via annual review.

It's hard but if you can prove that the independent is the only school within a reasonable distance that can meet the child's needs then that will be funded for you.

Kick off the EHCP process if you haven't already and get both children assessed for what their needs are. You don't have to choose between them.
I have two kids both with very different needs and EHCPs

Couldn’t agree less. My ASD child goes to a very academically selective private school and thrives cause there are lots of kids like him. Quiet, bookish, a bit geeky. Being brainy is a good thing, not something to be bullied for. And due to the high number of ASD kids, ASD traits are accepted and celebrated.

My eldest DD(11 ASD couldn't cope in a small mainstream) is at a private school (not traditional, no exam, small and nurturing), my youngest DD (9) will likely take the 11+ and hopefully go to grammar school. They are very different people with very different needs.

I would also be concerned that your younger bright child may well have needs that haven't been fully understood yet (could possibly be masking?) and then your decision becomes even more difficult.

I think I would be planning on both children needing support and therefore spending your limited funds on getting really good ed psych reports etc. so that you can secure good quality EHCP's if necessary so that your children are supported in mainstream.

I would also be looking very carefully and talking to the SENCOs and heads at different mainstream schools and joining local parent groups so you get an understanding of how different schools support SEN. Certainly where I live there were ones I was told to avoid (this advice was from a very good CAMHS professional).

OP I am (potentially) doing this. DS is probably more similar to your other child. Dyslexic, very bright, and unhappy in his disruptive class. Dyslexia was missed and his diagnosis has been through a private assessment. He passed assessments for 2 schools and is moving to one this year (he's 10).
Younger child (7) is very academic and loves her school. We may not be able to afford to send her. But if we do, it will be for secondary only (DS is moving in upper primary as this feels like a move we need to make sooner rather than later).
It's a risk we are taking. The alternative was to send neither child and that felt unfair on DS who would clearly benefit.

CanaryCanary
Save your money and spend it on tutors, occupational therapists etc as needed by both of them.
I’d agree with this too

This