C Section disappointment and DH

Congratulations on you new baby OP. Please go easy on yourself. You're less than a week away from major surgery and a big life change. You made a mature decision in very difficult circumstances and, for that, you should be commended.

Perhaps your husband needs to sit down and read the stories of women who were refused c-sections, the maternity failures and how they panned out.

It annoys me, this trope that a cs is a failure. It isn't. We're not 'too posh to push' and even when we are no bloke should dare to judge any woman for how she gives birth.

Ive had 3 sections - first was emergency, second two were planned as I wasnt going through what happened with DC1 again.

Your husband sounds like a prick & I don't say that lightly.

My DH was in awe of everything I did to get DC1 safely delivered and that I survived it too. He did everything to support me - including all night feeds so I could rest.

Im sure if he had had major abdo surgery he would expect to be waited on hadn and foot until he was fully recovered - so why isnt he doing that for you?

Sections are major surgery and in other similar surgery you would be able to take your time to get back to full strength but when it involves giving birth, society just doesnt recognise it as the same and thats wrong.

Your husband needs a rocket up his arse to be supportive and should be taking the load away from you.

In regards to your question - yes you are wrong to be disappointed. You gave birth in the safest way and you and your baby survived - that doesn't always happen.

My 1st section was a tough recovery, probably because everything that went wrong wasnt supposed to and I was in shock about what had happened.

However, my following 2 sections (due to me requesting them) were fantastic - planned sections are much better for you and tend to be much quicker recovery time. I have no regrets with any of my sections and have strongly recommend DD to have a section rather than giving birth vaginally.

Everyone is different and the only thing that matters about giving birth is that you all survived it - how they got here is completely irrelevant.

I agree, your husband is awful.

Congratulations on your baby 💐
An emergency cesarean is not an easy option - as you are experiencing. Having an induction significantly increases the likelihood of needing a cesarean. You were induced on medical advice as it was the best thing for your baby. The cesarean was for the same reason. You have been through a traumatic experience, including major abdominal surgery and your hormones are probably all over the place too.

Be kind to yourself. Your husband should certainly be much kinder, and I hope you can call on support from other family and friends.

At some stage, and certainly before you think about conceiving another child, you may want to make an appointment to go through your notes and what happened and what this may mean for future pregnancies and deliveries.

Is your husband a scientologist or just a twat?

Wow, he's "disappointed"
You must be gutted to see the real him....
I wouldn't recommend having any other children with him, actually I'd be getting rid of him.
You had a complicated labour, you had a c-section - while it's not what you would have chosen, it was necessary, it doesn't seem like you had any choice.
Let along choosing the "easy option"
I had a c-section - I wish I hadn't needed to but it was medically necessary.
Your husband is a complete tw*t.

How YOU as a woman choose to bring your child into the world is nobody’s business. Not even your husband’s business. You made the best medical decision for you and your baby & shouldn’t feel guilty for that.
YABU for allowing your husband to make you feel this way & being unreasonable for being hard on yourself. Be proud of yourself, you have just been through pregnancy and birth.

Your husband is a bastard. My daughters just had an emergency c sec under the same circumstances, and also didn’t want a c sec. I think she’s felt twinges of guilt, which she absolutely shouldn’t, but if her partner ever said ANYTHING negative about it, I think I’d kill him with my bare hands

Congratulations on the birth of your baby! You are absolutely in no way to blame for this and your husband sounds truly awful. Your husband should be supporting and looking after you and the baby.
It is no problem for your next births. The hospital will monitor you. The only problem is your husband.

What an absolute dickhead. Congratulations on your lovely baby and making one of the first tough decisions of parenthood. If the doctor didn't think it was the right choice, they wouldn't have given you the option and they would have tried to talk you into a vaginal birth. It sounds like they gave you the choice because they knew it was heading that way anyway.

I gave birth a month ago, vaginal delivery and I felt great and like my normal self by day 3 postpartum. I'm going to assume you definitely don't feel like that, so of course you didn't take the easy way out!

DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties.

He sounds like an absolute dick. C-Section isn't taking the easy option at all!

The natural birth movement is absolute bollocks. Have a look at the statistics on birth injuries. C sections aren't pushed because the state would have to fund them but in many cases are the safest option. Well done and have a private word with your home midwife.

Not helpful in any way but gob smacked at your vile husband

How dare he criticise you. What a wanker. Big picture mum and baby are healthy. End of. He needs to grow up.

YABU to feel guilty or a failure. You have birthed your baby and you are both safe and well at the end of it. Job done. Congratulations on your DD

Your feelings are valid.

However, I wouldn't be upset about the c-section. Never understood the obsession with a "natural" birth - c-sections are great! You have to go steady early on, but a year down the line I'm fully fixed, whereas my friends who had vaginal births are still peeing themselves three years on.

Your husband is an uneducated uninformed bell end. You and your baby deserve better. He should be your biggest champion, your biggest cheerleader. And stop putting yourself down. You didn’t take the easy option. I wish women would stop with this harmful toxic narrative.

Your DH is a fucking prick. My daughter is 4 weeks old, I had an assisted birth because I was induced but in labour way earlier than they realised and beyond exhausted and couldn’t get her past the pubic bone.

I considered a C section but was out of it on gas and air because I had spent ages pushing and 24 hours prior to that in agony with contractions on fucking paracetamol. She was ventouse in the end and then I had a massive haemorrhage. The reason we didn’t go for a section us baby was coping fine. If there had been a hint that her HR dropped at all I would have demanded a section.

Tell your DH to grow the fuck up. You’ve had major surgery, you’ve not taken the easy way out and he wouldn’t have wanted to be in my DH’s situation with me bleeding out and him not knowing what was happening.

You were on labour for days and your husband thinks you had the easy way out ? Get rid of him ! He is not worthy as a partner .
stop worrying about a c section versus a natural birth . I had both , none is easy , c sections are 50x harder as a way of giving birth so far from the easy way out

@NCprivatelife thank you. I have a lovely, very safe life now. I think it's important to recognise that when women post for sense checks on here (during extremely vulnerable points in their lives) about one incident regarding their partners reactions to things, it's usually because they are starting to wake up to the fact that there is a bigger picture problem here and the gateway incident is the tip of the iceberg. The very act of writing a post of such vulnerability, with such questions that the OP has posed, when her baby is days old is telling in of itself. I like to share my experience because I, for various reasons, didn't leave until it escalated to a dangerous level. I just hope it stops and makes posters think on their situation. If it feels wrong, it's usually wrong.

I'd quote Rachel Green here: 'no vagina, no opinion'. OP you've spent the last 9 months growing a healthy baby in your body and now you've delivered them safety into the world. You deserve all the love, encouragement and praise from your partner. Not disappointment or insults. Opting to have a c section isn't a light decision and sounds like you made a sensible one in the moment if it was heading that way anyway and you were already exhausted. You need all your energy to take care of your newborn.

Please surround yourself with supportive people and I'd be having some strong words with your husband/re-evaluating if he's the best person to have around you right now...

This ...... What a cunt......

Unforgivable

@Lessonsinchemistry6 congratulations on growing and producing a healthy baby xx

Your husband is a horrible person and also thick!
I did both and c section is absolutely not the easy option. You did the best with the info you had at the time (an extremely stressful and painful time). It sounds like you made the right choice under the circumstances.

Your dh sounds like a complete selfish twat! What an awful thing to say to the mother of his child....

There is no shame in having a child section op. It's what was best for you and the baby at the time. Stop beating yourself up about it.

You birthed a child safely. Congratulations. Dh is being ridiculous