C Section disappointment and DH

You can be disappointed because you didn't get what YOU wanted without considering what you had to be 'lesser' in any objective way. The OP has had a really hard time. She wasn't 'lesser' because her placenta had issues, she wasn't 'lesser' because her induction didn't go smoothly, she wasn't 'lesser' because she had a c-section. But she didn't want a c-section and she's unhappy that's the way things went for her. If she'd had a natural birth and sustained a 6 inch tear in her vagina, would she be implying women who sustain tears during birth are 'lesser' than women who don't? Would she be told to shut up complaining because she and the baby were alive?

I think it's actually people like you who think women with sections are lesser, because they are not allowed to have any negative feelings about having to undergo a gruelling labour and then nonetheless sustaining a bunch of medical procedures they didn't want and sustaining a huge surgical wound and having to endure a lengthy and painful recovery - whereas a woman who went through vaginal labour and sustained anything like the same injuries and endured anything like the same recovery time would get nothing but sympathy for any regrets and trauma she might have.

Seriously she's post-natal, injured, bleeding, sleep deprived, and her husband is being a shit to her. Now is not the time to bang the false consciousness drum at her because she's not happy with how her birth went.

OP I'm so sorry you've been through this - what a horrid horrid thing for your husband to say, and absolutely WRONG and INCORRECT. He is not a supportive partner in any way.

Please speak to your health visitor and tell her the comments he's said to you.

FFS your 'D'H is a complete wanker.

I've had an emergency c section then a vaginal birth (ventouse) and all I can say is that the c section was far harder to recover from than a natural birth.

We had the c-section for all the right reasons - baby in distress, heart rate lowering, long labour, labour not progressing............................. It was the right thing to do for the baby's safety and mine.

Just stop with the 'I am so disappointed narrative........' It helps no one. You've grown a healthy baby. You're safe as is the baby, that's what matters.

If your DH says you took the 'easy way' just tell him to fuck off. It was 12 weeks before I could walk a mile after my c-section as I'd lost so much blood (probably should've had a transfusion). I can't believe what a dickhead he is for saying that.

Congratulations for birthing your healthy child, you have done brilliantly and I wish you a good recovery. If anyone says anything to you about taking an easy option (that was not in your child’s interest in the circumstances) you can tell them to p1ss of from me 😂

@Lessonsinchemistry6

I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties.

Your husband can SO fuck off! I rarely swear but this ignorant behaviour from him is shocking. Until he is able to give birth and keep up the energy through three days of effort he should keep his snarky, unsupportive comments to himself.

He, as the other parent - who didn't have to carry a child for nine months, have to go through labour (aptly named) or have medical intervention both for your safety and your child, should 110% only have your health, safety and comfort in mind.

I really hope the medical team got him told. Do think about whether you should allow him to father any other children with you. In the meantime if you have other members in your family who can give you emotional or physical support (mother? Sisters?) I would lean on them. 🌹

You've literally had your organs removed, placed on a shelf and put back in again (oh and brought an actual child into the world well!)

He is a cunt of a man

He sounds ignorant and needs a good talking to by a friend/his mum. You made a decision when you were exhausted and in pain with best interests of baby. If it had gone other way and you’d said no section and now had a brain injured baby due to oxygen deprivation no doubt he’d be criticising you. Drs don’t agree to sections for nothing, they assess things and if offered it was obviously medically necessary.
You can sometimes book a debrief with a specialist midwife after a difficult labour I did.

Calm down. The poster was pointing out that the op agrees with her husband, that she is disappointed, and the issues surrounding that thought. Yes they put it bluntly but there is a fair point being made, no ine is lesser as they had a c section. No oen took the easy option.

I haven't got the words to say how I feel about your husband.
Wow ,and not in a good

Do you really think now is the moment to be picking OP to pieces because of how she feels?

Your "DH" is an idiot.
The best outcome for any delivery is a healthy baby and Mum
He should be
Over the moon he has a child and
his wife had major surgery to achieve this.
He also should be showing care and concern for you.
Do NOT feel guilty or that you failed in some way. Your baby arrived safely which is a huge achievement
I had a crash C section with my DS1 because of a cord prolapse and he needed resuscitation at birth
You can never predict the delivery you have
I am really sorry your H is not more understanding and supportive

To be honest I can’t disagree with this.

Seriously fuck off. The OP is allowed to feel however she wants about how HER birth went, and process that in her own time. It is not a reflection on how you or any other woman chose or was compelled by circumstances to deliver their child. How dare you stand there finger-wagging at her for being upset that she ended up in a very frightening situation and had to make difficult decisions that ended up with her having an 6-inch wound into her internal organs. She is not 'part of the fucking problem'. You are, because once again a woman is being told what to do and how to feel. Just bugger off and leave her alone.

I haven't voted as I'm not quite sure what you're asking.
You are not unreasonable to feel disappointed. It's a natural human response when we hope for something and things don't go according to plan. And you're definitely being reasonable to expect some support from your DH.
But you are not reasonable to feel like you failed. You made a rational decision and gave birth to a healthy baby - that is success!
I had complications in my first pregnancy and was offered induction or a c section when I was admitted to hospital. After the staff talked me through the options I said something like "Hang on, so you are offering me the choice of pessaries which could take hours to work if they do at all, then a drip, probably an epidural and there's still a high likelihood that I will need to have an emergency section, quite likely in the middle of the night, maybe with a relatively junior surgeon and anaesthetist, or I can go to theatre this afternoon and have my baby in a controlled manner with both Consultants definitely present? Well it's a toughie but..."
Of course I picked the section. Yes, I was disappointed. I didn't have the pregnancy or birth I had envisaged. But I did have a healthy baby. I took a rational decision for my baby. So did you. It's ok to be sad about the experience you didn't have, but try to see positives in the one you did have, and definitely don't believe anyone who says you are selfish, lazy, a failure or any of that crap. If my husband had said anything like that to me I think I might have stabbed him.

And an ignorant one at that.

Your husband sounds like a twat but you aren’t giving yourself much credit either by being disappointed in yourself. Making that decision and doing the best for your baby makes you already an amazing Mum, c sections are not the easy way out . Congratulations on your DD 🩷

Honestly, I've had 3 births - 2 natural and 1 section and the first two vaginal ones were hands down the easier option. My emergency section was 6 months ago (today!) and I definitely think it was harder than the others. If the cord prolapse didn't happen I would've been way happier to do it as I had before. But these things happen, your husband needs to buck up his ideas.
Congratulations on baby too!

Congratulations on the birth of your healthy baby!

Just to say I know the feelings you speak of - my first was four weeks late with, induction for 24 hours followed by emergency C section. One mum in the mums group I was in even said how disappointed I must be not to have had a "natural delivery"- my mum nearly clocked her!

Had 3 successful vaginal deliveries after this- two of them were also induced, so an emergency C section does not mean you won't have vaginal delivery in future if you want one unless there are other risks to you and your baby. Your body, your choice!

YABU for considering future pregnancies. You should not be considering bringing more children into this sort of relationship.

Your DD needs to fucking shut his mouth and be grateful that you and your baby are safe.

OP, even the most straightforward of births can be traumatic and it sounds like yours was very difficult for many reasons. And your hormones will be all over the place right now. It's not surprising that your emotions are overwhelming. But you haven't "taken the easy option" (there's no such thing in childbirth) and you've done great.

Do you have anyone supportive who you can talk to? A friend who might be able to come round?

Your husband is a grade A arsehole. Congratulations and look after yourself.

Congratulations on starting off your parenting journey by making the safest and best choice for you and your child, despite it not being exactly how you wanted things to go. This kind of pragmatism is exactly what parenting requires, and you should not feel guilty about it for a second.

Your husband is being a dick about this.

Post your DH's phone number right now.

Seriously. He needs a slap in the face with a chair.

What you did was, in my opinion, the harder option. You sacrificially gave up your hopes and desires for a vaginal birth in order to do what was safest for your baby and you did so before being forced to. You should be extremely proud of yourself!!

You are upset about the comments by your DH over CS being somehow lesser yet you yourself do the same thing.

Really.

YOU are very much part of the problem here. Why do you think men have attitudes like that, if women themselves see a CS as lesser and 'disappointing'.

Christ sake.

Are you traumatised by it? Do either you or your child have a lasting permanent injury from it? Or did it just not go to plan and hey ho thats life, we can't always get what we want but actually things have turned out ok really and it's not a big deal.

You really need to examine why you feel that you should have experienced a VB.

Is it about ticking a box? Is it about this bollocks of being 'a real woman'? What exactly is it?

Cos you don't get a prize for pushing a human out your fanny over and above anyone who has a CS.