C Section disappointment and DH

This! Would he'd rather you'd insisted on continuing in labour for three days and ended up losing your baby, (or even your own life) and/or a dreadful prolapse or fistula? (Not that the hospital would have let you, but this is where such thinking is heading.)

You did the right thing. Your baby is important. You are important. He is an A-hole.

I've had both types of birth - the C-section took much, much longer to recover from. It's not the "easy option".

Oh I am so sorry, OP. This is an extremely vulnerable time for you, and you deserve better than this. I am sending you my admiration and congratulations!

Wow, that's two of my major triggers in one post

I HATE that women feel "guilty" for having a c section. FFS. Giving birth is bloody dangerous, not to mention hard. Think about your delivery - if this was 200 years ago, would your baby even be alive? I can tell you that my emergency C-section DD would 100% have died or been brain damaged. In fact, if I hadn't been in the hospital being induced, even in this day and age, there's a very good chance she'd have been brain damaged.

and I HATE even MORE that men think they have a say. I am actually incandescent with rage on your behalf.

You can get a debrief with the team at the hospital- ask for this and take DH with you ( plus baby if needed). It’s vital that he is there and you say that it has been commented on that you took the easy option- can the dr/nurse respond to that view please- then he can hear it from the horse’s mouth without being directly called out on it although he deserves it ( which should give the answer more weight!)
heal well, you are doing well, you did the right thing, trust your instincts always!! Congratulations new mum and expect to be down in the dumps, it’s all ok and normal while your hormones adjust - it shouldn’t last long. Just remember hanging on probably would have ended up in a cs too with possible worse outcomes for you or dc or both

@NCprivatelife

Nope. She needs to reframe these negative thoughts about the reality of her long, traumatic labour. The CS was absolutely the right choice to make. She is not a failure. The sooner she does that the better, then she can shut down her unsupportive 'D'H and his comments.

I notice you only highlighted part of my post which substantiaited my rather blunt, but well meaning advice.

OP did a brilliant job. She came to MN for advice from people who have been through it before. As others would say, she needs to give her head a wobble.

You made the right choice by prioritising the baby's safety. I'm a bit surprised they gave you a choice once there were signs of fœtal distress, given the placenta issue. Placenta issues can be incredibly dangerous and used to be responsible for a large share of deaths before modern obstetrics.

I've had 5 children, including an induction and 2 c-sections. Either way it's incredibly painful but induction is brutal and post c-section pain is horrific because you are trying to look after another human while in agony every time you move. C-section is not the easy way out, it's like saying IVF is the easy way out because you don't have to have sex. You made a very sensible decision to have a c-section before the drip, to be honest I wish I had done the same with my youngest.

That’s a horrible thing to say. I’m sorry he’s being so unkind. I’ve been in your shoes with a very long, protracted and induced labour. It’s very physically, mentally and emotionally draining. It’s a difficult decision to make. It’s also not good for your mental health if you’re awake and in pain for so many days! You did your absolute best and you brought your beautiful baby into the world safely. That’s a huge achievement. Well done you! Celebrate that 💐 I’m sorry your DH is not being more supportive to you at a very vulnerable time. Please be kind to yourself. You’ve been through a huge amount in a short space of time. Have a tea, have some chocolate, have a nice warm shower (if you can), try to rest, you’ll feel so drained and depleted at the moment. If there is anyone around who can be there for you emotionally, maybe a family member or a friend, please reach out to them. I feel for you having to bear that unkindness, especially right now. Baby blues in the early days and weeks are completely normal but a longer labour can make those feelings deeper. Hope you take some comfort from the kind words of the many people on this thread who understand what it’s like and know how hard you’ve tried and what you’ve achieved 🥰🤗💫

Fucking hell, OP. Can I come round and give your husband a kick in his cock?

Feeling like a failure after a crash C is (in my experience - had a really scary one myself and spoken to many other women who have too) par for the course.

In time, you will move on and see that the real magic is that you grew a baby and that the baby got out safely and now you get to experience that baby flourish.

The bit between womb and earth-side will become inconsequential. You have to trust me on this. I literally thought I would never get over mine.

That's not to say everyone's birth experience is inconsequential - a good birth is an incredible journey. My SIL had a really good planned-C that was her fave birth of all. I don't want to diminish how incredibly life changing a birth experience can be. But trust me when I say this Crash C will become vanishingly small as your little one grows.

You are super hormonal right now so try to take the things he's saying with a pinch of salt. There's a chance you're reading into it a bit too much. Also, you might meet others who spout this rubbish... Especially here on MN where someone once told me I "hadn't given birth". Telling your husband to shut the fuck up can be good practice for when a Health Visitor says "we'll try and get you all the way to a real birth next time"... Yes really.

One more thing... Congratulations! You're doing great!

Congratulations on the safe arrival of your baby!
A c-section is not an easy option and anyone who says that is an idiot! There are no easy options when it comes to giving birth and the priority is mother and baby safety.
It sounds like you went through a frightening and potentially traumatic experience and you need understanding and support right now not snarky comments. When you are feeling up to it, join some baby groups. There is nothing like the support of new mums for new mums! Let your health visitor know how you are feeling. I am sure they can plug you into some support.
I had an emergency c-section first time round and it was hard! But after about six weeks I started to feel okay again. Your body needs time to heal and you can't rush it. I had DS in a crib with low sides right next to me for easier access. Still hard though!
Your DH sounds like an arse. I am so sorry he is not giving you the support you need right now.

I feel like I can't add anything new, only reinforce everything that everyone else has chimed in.

Your husband is an arsehole. Tell him that.

You go through labour, have an emergency c-section - major surgery that takes place whilst you are awake - and then need to care for your tiny human without any recovery time for not only the labour but the surgery too. I've had two emergency c sections and they are no walk in the park.

Do not be disappointed in yourself. Birth is birth.

Just to repeat, your husband is an arse hole.

Comments from your husband are vile.
Easy option? He’s mad, it’s major surgery, in many parts of the world his wife or his baby well may not have survived. He should be bloody grateful that a sterile theatre and skilled staff were on hand.
Congratulations on your baby, look after yourself and rest all you can.
Next arsehole comment from DH describe in detail which bits of him could be cut through to deliver the next baby.

If my husband was disappointed in ME for having to have a C section (aka, major surgery), then he wouldn't be my husband for much longer.

His only emotion should be relief (that all ended well) and joy (in welcoming his child)

The decision you made was the safest for your child. I had complications with delivery and an emergency c-section wasn't an option due to the babys position. As a result he stopped breathing and had organ failure. He was resuscitated, went onto life support and very thankfully eventually made a full recovery. At the time they warned us he could have brain damage and it was a full year before we were told his brain looked to be developing normally. Your husband is an absolute prick if he thinks you have not done the right thing here. Any birth where your baby is delivered safely and you are ok is the most important thing.

Your DH is an idiot at best.

You made the right decision, it sounds like the doctors were hinting as strongly as they felt able to go for a C-section at that point (they like to give you options where possible so wouldn't have insisted unless they had to). You avoided the "Get this baby out NOW" situation which I would assume is a riskier operation with potential for a harder recovery, not to mention you would have been starting off even more tired than you already were!

There may be some increased risk in later pregnancies but I think the difference is quite small, there is always risk. Better to get your baby out safely now than worry about a small increase in the risk of a hypothetical future baby!

If your husband thinks major surgery is an "easy option" he is quite frankly a dumb fucking cunt.

I had no option to have an emergency c-section, other my daughter could have died.

Ask him if his wife and daughter's potential death is a better option than the so called, "easy option."

Bloody hell. I find the idea of having a C-section scarier than giving birth. Your DD was showing signs of distress, you did the right thing for you and your baby. You may feel disappointed things didn't go to plan, but that's normal. Your DH (dick husband) needs to shut it. It's definitely not the easy option. Wonder how he'd feel if someone cut his belly open while he was still conscious.

WTAF have l just read?? The easy option!!!

I had a straight forward delivery with my first. My 2nd was breech and so would be a c section. I cried on being told as it most absolutely is NOT the easy option.

Absolutely disgusting that he is behaving this way.

I know my DH is disappointed with me as well.

WTAF

His daughter and you are alive and healthy. For fuck's sake. Are you sure you want any subsequent pregnancies with this man, whatever way they end?

I think your husband needs to get his head out his arse. You’ve done a 9 month shift of not taking the easy way out and however you give birth you didn’t take the easy way out either! You’ve had major abdominal surgery.

tell him to cut the comments with immediate effect!

Your husband is not fit to be a husband or father.

Tell your husband to stand while you kick him hard in the balls, every 2/3 minutes, for 12+ hours. If he gets through that without asking you to stop then he can complain about your C section.

“DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties”

I think this is most likely because your husband is a wanker. Of the highest order.

I hope you know you are amazing, did the right thing and deserve so much better.

Just stop with the 'I am so disappointed narrative........' It helps no one. You've grown a healthy baby. You're safe as is the baby, that's what matters.

I'm amazed how invalidating so many other women end up being when (apparently) trying to be supportive. It's as bad as the husband in its own way. This happened to the OP. She's allowed to feel how she feels about it and process it in her own time without being made to feel guilty about her feelings.