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Original poster

Hen do dilemma

182 replies

Anonymoususe · 24/04/2024 08:11

Invited to friends hen do about 6 months ago, paid my part and not heard anything since?! Also have not received an invitation to the wedding, and the hen do is coming up soon. Have messaged bride asking when the wedding is but no reply. Starting to think I’m not actually invited to the wedding 😂 it’s all very odd. Would I be unreasonable to not attend the hen if I’m not actually invited to the wedding? It hasn’t cost a lot so far, but would involve overnight hotel, travel, drinks food etc worked out it would cost a minimum of £250 for one night. It would would dictate the whole weekend & we don’t get very much time together as a family. Also a cost that I can’t hugely afford at the moment! Obviously I may still be invited, but it is strange to not have had an invite yet right? And no reply from bride? DH thinks I’m overthinking it and should still go even if I / we are not invited to wedding. It would be nice to celebrate with her, and I will be fine with no invite if it’s just a case of having a small wedding due to cost (weddings can be ridiculously expensive) but would like her to explain that to me. At the moment I’m just making a whole lot of assumptions! Have tried asking about wedding planning etc and organising catch ups but it’s all been very vague and slow responses on her part.

OP posts:
AlanBrendaCelia · 24/04/2024 09:28

OP, how much have you paid for the hen do so far? Would losing that be better than paying for the hotel and travel ?

AlanBrendaCelia · 24/04/2024 09:24

Aussieland · 24/04/2024 09:06

Phone her?! That would be so awkward if she isn’t invited

Show quote history

Sorry, I meant phone the bride to ask about the hen night arrangements, not whether or not she has been invited to the wedding.
whilst some brides might not want to know the plans for their hen night, so that they have a surprise, if OP has already paid a deposit, it’s reasonable for her to ask the bride about the hen night.

Original poster
Anonymoususe · 24/04/2024 09:17

Also doesn’t help that when it was first mentioned, the location was a lot closer to where I live so would’ve been cheaper to get to / not involve an overnight stay. But that then changed so I will need to get a hotel & further travel to account for

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymoususe · 24/04/2024 09:14

Yes the ones who aren’t attending the full 3 day shebang will be making their own way/ organising own accommodation. Which is what I will (or maybe won’t) be doing. So wasn’t too worried about not hearing from hen do organiser yet as just need to know where we are meeting/ what time etc final detail type of things. My main concern is whether or not I am actually invited to the wedding, or why I’ve not heard back from the bride yet. Not looking like I am as I don’t even know the date

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 24/04/2024 09:09

The only thing that makes any sense of this hen is if you are expected to organise own trains and hotels and you missed that point. Ie you know you have paid for a day of whatever in x place. So hen assumes everyone organising own way of getting there.

I'd check how much hotel and trains are -if reasonable price then chase hen organiser and don't if not. I assume you could share its other friend? But I'd book nothing more until I had had confirmation from someone

Original poster
Anonymoususe · 24/04/2024 09:09

Just to be clear I have not paid £250. This is how much it will cost once I’ve paid hotel/ travel/ food & drinks etc, which is why I'm trying to decide now whether I pay for a hotel or not. There were 3 different options for hen do, I chose the ‘middle’ option which doesn’t include staying for 3 nights (couldn’t commit to that at the time as DH has to work on some of those days so would have no one to look after the children). So maybe the people who are attending the full thing are in a group chat? I don’t know the others though.
Hen organiser is not the bride

OP posts:
patchworkpal · 24/04/2024 09:09

Or the wedding is off

patchworkpal · 24/04/2024 09:08

I think the organiser has run off with your cash

MamaSleep · 24/04/2024 09:07

Can you contact whoever is organising the hen? Agree it’s strange you’ve not got any concrete plans yet

Aussieland · 24/04/2024 09:06

AlanBrendaCelia · 24/04/2024 08:19

Phone the bride, don’t just message her. Who did you pay the deposit to? Have you contacted them?

Phone her?! That would be so awkward if she isn’t invited

jackstini · 24/04/2024 09:06

Message the hen organiser about the hen. The bride might not know details

Agree it's weird to not have a group chat yet if it's in 10 days

When is the wedding?

Craicbaby · 24/04/2024 09:04

Just decide whether or not you want to go on the hen, and act accordingly. The Mn norm of ‘going on the hen only if you then get a wedding invitation (‘to compensate’?)’ makes very little sense to me, especially as attending most weddings will also incur a further cost.

Bookworm1111 · 24/04/2024 09:01

Anonymoususe · 24/04/2024 08:47

I’ve not had any details about the hen, or the wedding! Last time I spoke to hen organiser was when I paid the money (they acknowledged they got the money). I’d be expecting to hear soon about that but hadn’t really worried too much until reading some of the replies! I know another person who’s in the same position as me and not had a wedding invite either. The wedding was definitely still on 2 weeks ago because we spoke about it so I doubt it’s been called off 🤷‍♀️. I probably should have chased all this up sooner in hindsight but just assumed she was busy with planning etc

How often have you been chasing?! You've paid £250 and not heard a peep since? There must be a hen night chat going on - are you not on it? Wedding-wise, you are clearly not invited, but you seriously need to sort out getting your money back. Has the other person not been sent details about the hen either?

I'm really baffled you've just let it slide.

burnoutbabe · 24/04/2024 08:58

Is hen organisers also the hen or a different person?

Original poster
Anonymoususe · 24/04/2024 08:47

I’ve not had any details about the hen, or the wedding! Last time I spoke to hen organiser was when I paid the money (they acknowledged they got the money). I’d be expecting to hear soon about that but hadn’t really worried too much until reading some of the replies! I know another person who’s in the same position as me and not had a wedding invite either. The wedding was definitely still on 2 weeks ago because we spoke about it so I doubt it’s been called off 🤷‍♀️. I probably should have chased all this up sooner in hindsight but just assumed she was busy with planning etc

OP posts:
LittleMonks11 · 24/04/2024 08:45

Here we go again - what is it with brides to be these days?

Bookworm1111 · 24/04/2024 08:45

Bookworm1111 · 24/04/2024 08:39

Invited to friends hen do about 6 months ago, paid my part and not heard anything since?!

Do you mean you haven't had any details about the hen or just the wedding? If it's the hen, I'd be firing off an abrupt message to whoever is organising asking for my money back!

If it's the wedding, I think you need to accept you haven't been invited.

Okay, just seen you haven't actually booked hotel or even travel yet. I think if you haven't had anyone from the hen party chasing you to commit with just 10 days to go, you're off the list for that too! Have you actually spoken to the bride in the last six months at all?

gynaeissue · 24/04/2024 08:42

Who is organising the hen / who did you pay?
Do you know anyone else going?

maybe the wedding is off…

Jokl · 24/04/2024 08:41

burnoutbabe · 24/04/2024 08:40

What have you paid towards?

I can't believe there is no chatter with 10 days to go. Won't that make it bank holiday weekend? Travel and hotels busy?

Do you not know anyone else attending to ask?

This. I’m a bit confused about which event your post largely centres around!

burnoutbabe · 24/04/2024 08:40

What have you paid towards?

I can't believe there is no chatter with 10 days to go. Won't that make it bank holiday weekend? Travel and hotels busy?

Do you not know anyone else attending to ask?

Bookworm1111 · 24/04/2024 08:39

Invited to friends hen do about 6 months ago, paid my part and not heard anything since?!

Do you mean you haven't had any details about the hen or just the wedding? If it's the hen, I'd be firing off an abrupt message to whoever is organising asking for my money back!

If it's the wedding, I think you need to accept you haven't been invited.

Wotchaz · 24/04/2024 08:38

(Also, you can have a nice “treat” weekend with your family with the £250 you would have spent!)

Wotchaz · 24/04/2024 08:37

This is a really weird situation to find yourself in OP, I’d drop the bride one more message and then unless she comes back v quickly to confirm plans for the hen and a wedding invitation assume that you weren’t going to either hen do or wedding. No way I’d go on a hen do for a wedding I wasn’t invited to.

GladysHeeler · 24/04/2024 08:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

She knows that!

She hasn't paid for accommodation, travel, food or drinks.

Hairyfairy01 · 24/04/2024 08:31

Are you sure you are actually invited to the hen do / it's going ahead? Surely you would be on some group chat of something talking about all the details and / or paid towards it if it's in 10 days time?

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