Hen do dilemma

Hmm do you really think she’s 2 months away from the wedding but being disorganised with invites….? Do you think you were either accidentally or not, not sent an invite and now the bride has been cornered she’s made up a shit excuse?
Same for the hen do- you’re not being made to feel welcome, in fact the respond you got would make me feel like they’re trying to put me off going.
I would chalk this one up to a bad experience and sack them all off- they sound like shit friends!

I think the whole thing has left a sour taste in your mouth. It's been stressful to date and you feel excluded. If you pull out now, consequently you may not get a wedding invite, essentially saying your friendship is done. If you want to maintain the friendship then be a friend, support the bride and go. If the relationship is all a bit like hardwork then it's probably not a true friendship anyway and it won't matter. But, consider this, if you do go, you might actually have a blast!

Don't go - sod them all

This. Whether deliberate or careless, it’s shoddy behaviour.

I absolutely would not go to a hen party if I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I’m not paying to bulk up your friendship group and make you look popular if you don’t value me as a guest (with the odd family only/abroad wedding as an exception)

Given your updates, I wouldn't bother going to the hen. The communication has been terrible about everything and I think you're right to reevaluate the friendship.

This would drive me mad. I think it’s super rude too. I’d drop out. No way would I be attending something in 10 days with such limited details.

I'd be making my excuses to bail out at this point tbh

100% this.

Also seems that you're on the reserve list, if someone drops out you get the invite. Stuff that.

If I was in your position I wouldn't go to either the hen or the wedding. It all sounds too stressful.

Check your junk emails just in the wedding invitations were sent via email & some use a 3rd party to do it, so may have got caught in your junk mail.
But if nothing there, take it you’ve not been invited to the wedding.
Wedding invites would definitely have gone out by now.

Then decide if you want to go to the hen. If you do, phone the organiser and ask for more details. If you don’t, still phone the organiser and ask for your deposit back on the basis that nobody’s contacted you about it at all.

I’m sure if you go to the hen, you’ll find others there who aren’t going to the wedding. It’s not unusual for a group of wider friends & colleagues to go to the hen celebrations without them all being invited to the wedding, although most often they would be invited to the evening do.

I agree. To book your wedding with the registrar you have to give them the dates, times and location to confirm someone can come out and marry you so of course the bride knows all of this. And by now she would need to know numbers to give to the venue for food and evening do etc. so none of this rings true, I used to work at a venue years ago and usually planned for 18months to 2years.

I definitely would not believe a word of that and would not attend any of it.

Re the hen I'd probably just diplomatically be sick on the day. And thank organiser fir the details (and just don't book hotel etc)

You won't get £50 back but that's fine. It's unclear if they refused to tell you details ages ago or if you just never asked the hen organiser until how?

Then consider wedding as the invite appears.

10days and no details! I’d just not go as that’s not fair to anyone.

as for weddings invites are sent out traditional at least 3months in advance and if you have guests travelling or with children etc usually you’d allow 6 months.

i am also autistic and don’t like these sorts of things at all and if I got bad feeling unwelcome vibes I’d just not go. I’d send a nice gift to the bride and groom and wish them well and hope to see thrm after the wedding and see the photos.

Oh dear. This isn't good. Personally, it all sounds seriously fishy. Seems the hen do is off the calendar and, even it it was still on, I'd definitely call off...

Do you know the hotel in question? If so, call it and find out if there is a booking.

The bride hasn't chosen a very reliable hen organiser has she.
And 2 months notice for a wedding isn't very much notice at all, I'd be surprised if all the invited guests are able to attend.
I wouldn't go if it were me.

Thank you for the update, OP!
Good to hear that you are invited to the wedding.

From your update, and from the whole thread, I can understand that you are feeling a bit uncertain about attending the events.
Do what feels right for you, and what works for you and your family.

The Bride sounds an organisational nightmare and it also seems like the hen do has been organised and you haven't been kept in the loop.

I think I would be swerving both!

That's pretty poor form from the bride and organiser of the hen. I'd not bother going to either, and forget the £50. I'd feel massively unwelcome at this point, like it didn't matter if I came or not to either! I'm pretty sure her family have had invites by now?! Otherwise how did she confirm numbers for food?! Don't go.

" I still don’t know WHERE the wedding is/ timings or if it’s just me or my family included in the invitation. "

I think @LoveWine123 is right. You spoke to the Bride directly and she still didn't tell you Where or Time.. what does terrible with invitations mean anyway. No one has been invited yet?
It just doesn't ring true.
The brevity of the hen message on top of the complete lack of communication in the run up after you paid them £50 is also odd. I can't believe the whole Hen party have no idea where the wedding is and what time to turn up.

Both the Bride and the Hen being so uncommunicative is downright rude, and pointless... why string you along like this?
I hope you get your money back from the Hen. Taking your money and then not communicating with you is awful.

and as the date of the wedding is tricky for you, I would decline once I had received my invitation.

As the only person you did know has now dropped out, I would not go if I were you - as that means you only know the bride.

if that means losing £50, so be it

better that than spending another £250 or however much it turns out being.

I have a feeling your friend has not been honest with you about the wedding. There is no way she doesn’t know where the wedding would be…who does that in the UK? I would do what others have advised and not go, I would also ask for my deposit back from the hen night as they clearly are not arsed if you go or not and haven’t bothered to tell you. This is all very rude and inconsiderate and I’m sorry they have treated you that way.

Has the one person you know who has dropped out had a refund?

I'd ask for money back & not go tbh.

What was the money for do you know?

Just saw your update- bloody hell. Dont bother doing anything. If you have to push for this info it cant be that important to them that you're there

It seems strange if she’s a friend you don’t know the wedding details even without the invite. Has she not talked about it in the time she’s been planning?

at this late stage I probably wouldn’t bother going or if I did go expect the friendship to fizzle out soon afterwards