To be disappointed about the book?

How many people do you have to buy gifts for and how many does she? My mum literally only buys for my dad and me. She doesn’t have any parents and isn’t close to her siblings. She doesn’t have any friends. I have to buy for over 20 people (mum and dad, husband, sister in law and husband, 7 nieces/nephews (they are a blended family with previous kids each and then kids together), mother and father in law, 4 god children, 2 friends and 4 colleagues). I can’t possibly spend as much time and money on each present.

I agree with this.

If the book had been something that I had coveted for a long long time.. perhaps a rare book no longer published, then it would have been the most amazing gift as my daughter had remembered what I like.

The thought would have meant everything to me.

Don’t be so ungrateful some people don’t even get a £2.49 book

This type of completely irrelevant comment has come up several times on this thread. So what? OP and her daughter DO exchange presents. Well there are some people who do spend extravagantly on their mums, so should OP feel both grateful that her daughter gave her anything (fgs what a low bar), but, at the same time, also feel ungrateful that she didn't spend as much as some other people do? That would be nonsense wouldn't it?

If someone started a thread with "my OH is often rude to me when they speak to me" and a poster responded with "you should be grateful, some people never get to hear their partners say anything" just imagine how that would go down?

@LT1982

Have you not heard of the cost of living crisis? You flippantly say daughter could have added x, you or z to the gift. Maybe she actually couldn't. I'd rather my child didn't go hungry or get into debt for my Xmas present and I'd actually be discreetly asking if they need financial help

Have you not read all the OP's posts? She's said her daughter can clearly afford it and she'd probably have a better idea of her own daughter's situation than total strangers. If she can afford to eat out at a restaurant a couple of times a month, she can afford to buy a cheap present, and £10 is still a pretty cheap present IMO, it's not as though OP is asking for the World exactly. Her daughter is not going to "go hungry" over a £2.49 gift fgs!

This post sounds like my mother. She expects us ( her family) to read her mind and complains bitterly about ‘her worth’ if she gets a present below her expectations.
Good help the poor sod that fails to deliver, endless moaning and whinging to the rest of the family ‘x has loads of money ,look what x’s mil got and what I get from x, after all I have done for x’.
Nothing we ever buy her is good enough and should any of us go on holiday she expects a gift.

Of course it's not grabby and entitled for a mum to be hurt that her dd spent a piddly amount on her - that's her child.

I do not believe that all these posters falling over themselves to explain how little they expect to be spent on thei presents would not be a bit "meh" IRL if one of their adult children only spent a couple of pounds on them - if they could well afford it (like the OP's daughter) and if spending little or nothing at all wasn't their family tradition which it isn't for the OP otherwise it wouldn't be an issue.

This is very weird. If my DD did this to me, I’d take the piss out of her and we’d have a laugh about it. Because our relationship is built on having a good time together, not on what we spend on each other. You can’t really put a price on that I suppose. Don’t really have any advice sorry, just think it’s a bit sad.

I'd believe this if OP hadn't literally said a price she'd like to have been "worth".

There's many members of my family who have, on occasion, left prices on presents or cards. It wasn't a "didn't bother to conceal" action. It was simply an oversight.

People are very sensitive about their "worth", as if they don't know their own value.

You enjoy books from charity shops so she chose you a book from a charity shop….but for some odd reason you think that means you’re worth £2.50?
Plus a £40k salary and paying high rent is not a rich person.
Most adults don’t even swap birthday presents - does that mean they’re all worthless?

I think that OP's slightly tongue in cheek post is alluding to the fact that the gift seems thoughtless, so much so that DD didn't even bother to conceal the price. I know where OP is coming from because my exh once did a similar thing to me. In his case he bought me a cheap dress that had obviously come from a bargain bucket. It was the wrong size and torn in places. It hurt me as much as his other manipulations because he was definitely telling me what he thought of me (not saying op's DD is being this extreme by the way).

I have a felling that op would have been thrilled if her daughter had gone to the trouble of picking a pebble from the beach and painting it because that is a sign of love and affection, which you can't actually place a price on.

Some people just aren't into splurging out on expensive stuff. Maybe your daughter is one of those and you're still seeing her as a child rather than a grown adult, making her own choices. If the book was something you enjoyed the price is irrelevant.

if she makes an effort in other ways and keeps in touch regularly then not spending a tenner on a book shouldn't be a yardstick to measure your relationship by.

Don’t take it to heart

A friend once bought me a large hard backed book for Christmas, on how to throw parties at home, generous but a bit of an odd choice, I thought.

The back few pages of the book, looked a bit scrunched up, and the receipt was there amongst those pages, showing that she had bought four of those books in January ( sale) for 50p each. LOL

Its the thought that counts . 🤣🤣

Dont worry about the book you received, there could be all sorts of reasons, it was still nice to get something.

How amazing to have a frugal lovely daughter who will peruse the second hand book shop for a book that she thinks you would like. She is thinking of you, of the planet and it's resources, and of her own ability to support her self.

I HATE it when my kids spend up big on me; I utterly think it is such a waste and I enjoy a preread book much more than a new one..

Your daughter’s salary is irrelevant, she bought you a book she thought you’d like. The book cost £2.49 how would it have made it a better book by costing £10?
Don’t be so ungrateful some people don’t even get a £2.49 book

If you buy from amazon if can be 2nd hand resellers. A price marked is not necessarily paid

Have you not heard of the cost of living crisis? You flippantly say daughter could have added x, you or z to the gift. Maybe she actually couldn't. I'd rather my child didn't go hungry or get into debt for my Xmas present and I'd actually be discreetly asking if they need financial help

It obviously was in good condition if you didn't realise it was second hand when you opened it so yes YABU. What difference would it make receiving the exact same book that was paid 4 x as much for?

Whatever happened to it being the thought that counted? Did they forget? No, did they get you something they thought you would enjoy, regardless of price? Yes. Love shouldn't me measured on how much someone spends on someone else, maybe she is having cash flow issues at the minute?
Personally think this post sounds very ungrateful.

I once said to someone it’s the thought that counts and they replied oh yes and some people have lousy thoughts…

never forgotten it 😂

My dad likes doing puzzles. The one year I got him two from the charity shop. Like books most people do them once and that’s it. He would return them to the charity shop and get another. He was rather miffed thinking they where new (without saying it) and that I had spent so much on him until he found out they where £2 each from the charity shop and he was made up then! Surely it’s the thought that counts. Maybe she couldn’t afford much but she still tried to get you something you’d like.

Depends on the person.
I know one person who I ask specifically what they'd like and they tell me the names of second hand books that are on their wishlist and I order them online. That's what they like to receive as a present. They love books and also reusing/recycling. I know other people who would be upset if I gave them a second hand book as a present so I definitely wouldn't give one to them. So I don't think you are being unreasonable because surely she knows you well enough to know roughly what kind of gift you like.
But I suppose on the plus side she remembered your birthday. And it's hard to know....some people are very into the environment etc these days and perhaps they are thinking more about a cause than the individual that they are giving the present to.

Too many replies to read here, but I buried my amazing mum 2 years ago. I bought her lavish gifts as well as cheap ones, since I became an adult, depending what I could manage. But either way I put my heart & soul into them. Just as my parents did when I was small. I would be upset and pretty disgusted if my mum was concerned with how much I had spent on a gift! The same message I give to hubby & kids for me. The thought is a million times more important than the cost. My husband spent £50+ getting me gifts from the kids this Mother’s Day, but my most important gift, and my treasure - a cheap “ring”
that my 6 year old bought me from school
with his £1! He is so proud to see men wear it , that I do every day! If wasn’t expensive but bought with love!

I am with OP. I get you. It sounds mean and cheap. Surely she could have spend 10 or even 20 pounds on her mother. I say so, because I shower my mother with presents, whenever I can. She could have bought, yes, the book, if she tought you would enjoy it. However, she could have added something else, like a bath set, some item of clothing, a gift voucher ... Yes, it is the thought that counts. And the message that the OP got is that she does not value her mother enough to make an effort with her present. Next Christmas, I would give her a book from the charity shop, with the price still written on ... just joking ... but it is a thought that cross someone's mind.

So its about the money spent and not the intention? Got it

What did she buy others?