To be disappointed about the book?

Some of us know that there are more important things to get 'hurt' about. We look back and laugh.

You know - hahaha

I'm sorry these things and a piece of cardboard mean so much to you.

Not my concern.

Thank you though.

Me and my partner always get charity shop books for each other especially if they are out of print and have been trying to find them. Sad you only see value in how much someone spends on you.

I agree. So many people trying to excuse not making an effort on your mum's birthday. Assuming no back story, it really shouldn't be expecting too much for adults to show a little appreciation for the people who support them and are there for them in their lives.

Completely disagree. No, children don't ask to be born, but if a parent has put time, thought and love into raising them, they deserve some acknowledgement and appreciation.

How does she treat you and how much time does she ‘spend’ on you? That is the only value that can show what your relationship is worth to her.

If she's spent plenty on other people then I can understand being hurt by this. However, some people just don't/can't budget a whole lot for Christmas-- our budget for Christmas this year will be about £300 for all gifts, food, drinks etc. (though it helps that we don't eat meat and don't drink alcohol!).

shes on low wage without rent. her daughter has to pay rent - rendering whatever free money she has after as minimal as someone on low wage if not even less. who is the parent in this relationship? i would never expect my child to spend more on a gift for me than i spend on them and i would love nothing more than to spoil my child - and not act like someone who needs to be spoilt myself. Sounds like a toxic parenting relationship that is deserving of no more than £10.

Either her finances are very tight - in which case might be worth asking if she needs help and actually help her, or you are not worth even a tenner, and then it’s worth reevaluating your parenting and what could have went wrong, and try to mend it. In both cases, remember you are the parent, and the onus is on you to fix whatever it is and take initiative (rather than blaming your daughter).

YABU for not disclosing the book title and author.

@easylikeasundaymorn

"You've hit on the nail" with emotionally insightful post..

Hadn't thought 🤔 of it like that...

@AnnaSewell

I brought a satirical outrageous funny quirky book from a second hand stall stall run by a friends of local hospital to me,
when i had a routine hospital appointment,

I loved reading it,

and made the mistake of then bringing this book to a book group i used to go to with a well well being charity,

Book group was very popular thing amongst several wellbeing activities that went on there,
we would read all kinds of books contemporary ones and more serious ones classics like Hounds of Baskinvilles etc,

we work have quite interesting discussions come out of reading certain books..

In which case the daughter should have mentioned this to her mother before christmas, either saying 'can we not do presents/only do small presents this year, I'm struggling for money,' or, if she was completely broke, even asking her mother to give her money for Christmas rather than a present.

Also OP has said she is low-waged while her dd has a professional salary, so no reason why dd couldn't actually have more disposable income than OP!

If you aren't materialistic and don't think the amount is what matters when exchanging presents, or care too much about the environment to buy things that aren't necessary, then once you're an adult you should make this clear to your family before Christmas. 'Let's not do presents this year, let's just enjoy spending time together.' Or 'Shall we just do small presents this year given the cost of living?'

Buying something incredibly cheap for someone else but then happily accepting a present worth approx 32x more is not being frugal or caring, it's being cheeky and tight!

In this case, the DD not only didn't say beforehand that they shouldn't exchange expensive presents, but didn't say anything afterwards when she realised her mother had spent much more on her. Anyone with basic decency would have been mortified and said "Oh mum you shouldn't have spent so much on me" etc.

Which shows the DD DOES like nice things, and values expensive gifts when they are for her, just doesn't think she should reciprocate. Which is less indicative of a thoughtful, caring, non-materialistic person, than of a selfish, tight one!

"It's the thought that counts but sometimes the thought is I dont care about you enough to think of something you'd actually like, enjoy or benefit from."

This perfectly expresses it!

Rather suspect a book I was given at Christmas came from a charity shop. I dont mind that as it was in good condition, I wouldnt appreciate a torn or dirty one unless it was an out of print edition of a book by a favourite author. It's in my pile of books I dont like enough to keep and will be heading for a charity shop sometime.

It's the thought that counts but sometimes the thought is I dont care about you enough to think of something you'd actually like, enjoy or benefit from.

Why are mothers so (generalisation) undervalued on here?

Why are so many missing the point?

A charity shop present is fine if there is care and thought behind it
It's fine if that's the 'usual thing' in your family

It is not fine if it's any old tat. It's not fine if it's the first thing you've picked up. It's not fine if you've given no thought to the recipient. It's not fine if you can't even be arsed to take the price off. There are plenty of books that are in good condition that I'm sure she could have found.

And I'll bet my house it's nothing to do with being green, or recycling or saving the planet

It's because she doesn't care and she's showing it

Was it a Book relating to a special subject which fascinates you?????
Or connected to your place of birth????
Or helpful in one of your hobbies????
Its slightly disappointing, Ive been there. Its mystifying because it stops you in your tracks .
Esp. if when you was younger you gave bigger gifts to elders. I think its par for the course as they grow up and become more distant. Non the less Heartbreaking. Once, I was that twenty year old. -I gave a cheap bottle of Body Lotion to an elderly relative. I was stunned the following year :
She gave it back:As a gift to me. I was shocked. I realised I should have been more considerate as I usually gave big meaningful presents.

No, more fool me. I generally spend between £75-£100 on each of them (I get about £20-£30 gift back joint from both but that’s neither here nor there) but my mum’s lucky she gets anything to be honest. That’s a story for a different day though.

for me its the thought and personally yes i can see your point op @AnnaSewell but if its the same book and only the price thats different then id be impressed they still got me the item and saved some ££ as then they may have more ££ towards other gifts for others etc

A book is a lovely gift if it's an author/subject you like. And has been bought with care and thought

There's an awful lot of books out there that I absolutely would not give you a Thank You for,

So you would only spend £2.49 on your mum or dad @QuizNight?

Some posters have gone back over OP's other threads @NalafromtheLionKing and they seem to be have had significant issues, so yes it could be 'pointed'

Tightwad. Very thoughtless.

Have you and your daughter fallen out recently? If not, it may be a bit pointed eg she is saving for a flat/house and feels you could be helping her out more if you are nearly mortgage free (not saying you should, just how she might feel).

I'm with you OP. I earn a similar salary to your daughter, age 31, I have minimal debt. No children. I am however saving for a house deposit.

Fair enough if it's a book she knows you would really like but I would have added in a couple of other items to bulk up the Value. I'm talking something like supermarket chocolates/flowers or a voucher from a groupon type website maybe. Nothing particularly expensive, but given I'm an adult that earns a decent salary, I would personally want to give more than a book from a charity shop.
My parents were able to give me plenty of presents during my childhood/teen years at birthdays so I like to show appreciation for that now that I can give them something back. As well as just appreciating everything they have done for me in general over the years, not related to money/finances.

The first part of your post is disingenuous and missing the whole point.

The second part .. you still laugh at the fact that your son was giving it to his favourite MIL, crossed out the in law bit and lied?

I would have been hurt by this at the total lack of thought and then lying to you.