To be disappointed about the book?

Op I think your over thinking this and you enjoyed the book.
I've got absolutely no issues with second hand stuff at all.
I wouldn't add up what I spend on my dc either compared to what they send on me.
They are our children, they didn't ask to be brought into thud world and they owe us no favours.

Having said that, I would be a teeny bit hurt myself! Especially if child was earning good money but unfortunately often young people don't think...

Some people do seem crap with presents. My dc are only young but the difference between the two! My younger one 10, loves buying gifts and immediately gets thoughtful gifts (via us either in shop or amazon), absolutely nothing expensive at all but she got me a very thoughtful little gift for 5 pounds for Xmas.
The other one! She doesn't plan bday gifts doe anyone, not even her friends! She'll say feebly at the very last minute mum can you run me to fhe shops!

So op I would feel hurt however, maybe shes not good at gifts and.... As I Saif don't add up what you spend on her it's natural for parents to splash out more on their dc

There's a huge back story. See OP previous posts.

The daughter doesn't "need" to mention or explain anything. The OP needs to stop either entitled and spoilt

Did she explain why she'd chosen it for you? Was it a very different level of gift to what she got other family members? Had you spoken about gifts beforehand? How is your relationship otherwise? Different people have very different approaches to gift giving. I find it really, really weird to have fixed expectations on gifts, like "if you earn £40k, gifts should be £10+"
I think yanbu to be upset barring any other specific context (eg. She bought her MIL a lavish gift, or you feel more generally that she doesn't make effort for you while you do loads for her, or you did secret Santa as a family with a £50 gift limit - if something like that is true, I see your point)

How is it a race to the bottom to not be offended by the wrong piece of cardboard, or a lack of one?

My MIL once bought DH and I an anniversary card without realising it was for Mrs & Mrs. We killed ourselves laughing over it. We certainly weren't offended that she had misread it. She liked the picture and bought the card without paying attention to the words. It happens. Doesn't mean she doesn't value us. That gets shown in a different way, not through a piece of cardboard or the price of a gift.

Once I made FIL a cake for Father's Day because DH couldn't think of what to buy him and he loves cake. He was over the moon. The ingredients don't cost much (and I can make all his favourites with my eyes shut), but we definitely value him.

Nope, the point is we don't care. Sometimes I would have spent money on him but he knows that I'd rather have something I want than meaningless twaddle that costs a lot. What is the point of that? I usually spend more on him in the year so count that as part of his present as I can't afford much. Have also bought friends a charity shop book if it's one they want. It is the THOUGHT that sold count not the £££££'s unless you are extremely shallow.

Prompted by comments from other PP, I had a look at some of the OP's previous threads.

I've got a lot of sympathy for OP given her other posts, but there really is a VERY significant back history here - and a clear reason why DD only gave OP a cheap present. The only surprise is that there was any gift at all.

I'm in agreement with you OP on many things, but if you're not going to explain there's a very big back story, your post is extremely misleading. Lots of people are suggesting valid reasons and it's just a complete waste of their time because you know exactly what the reason is.

What are you wanting from this thread OP - to simply criticise the gift or for us to tell you you are worth more (who knows maybe you are only worth £1 or maybe you are worth £1m, we don't know you!!!)

You brought her up, why do you think she thinks the present was appropriate?

Or she is your dd, maybe the fact you have come on her and haven't naturally had a frank conversation with her about the gift says a lot about your relationship?

@sarah419 and@Sweetheart7 This is not a young child whose behaviour is down to the parent, this is an adult woman who is happy to take and give very little back. No a parent is not responsible for every bit of bad behaviour by their adult child. Only children think they can blame anything they do on others.

You raised her presumably.

YABU. OP has stated that they gifted daughter 2 books and a clothing voucher in return, so gifting books clearly seems like the done thing amongst your family. To state price as the reason you’re unhappy just seems ungrateful.

quite possibly the most ridiculous post on a thread with a lot of competition.
I didn't realise there was any correlation between how soon you use a present and how much you appreciated it, and then a further equivalence between how much you deserve to have spent on you.

I'll tell my friend that unless she downs the full bottle of rum I got her for her birthday the moment her door closes behind me, she clearly didn't like it so next year she's only getting white lightning....

do you not see the difference?

You and your partner BUY THE SAME THING having MUTUALLY AGREED it's what you both want. You don't buy your partner a £5 charity shop book then expect him to buy you a £160 brand new handbag, which is what the price difference is here.

I feel as if I'm arguing against my own interests here, because I actually hate present buying and receiving - I would be much happier with a charity shop book whereas my family enjoy buying and receiving expensive (and brand new) things. So I either accept I will have to spend more than I'd like OR I tell them I want to opt out, so please don't buy me anything.

What I would not do is buy them a £2.50 pair of socks from home bargains while expecting and happily receiving £80plus presents from them, which is what the daughter here has done. I'd be even more ashamed of myself if they'd done this despite me earning much more than them, and knowing they had scrimped and saved that £85 from their minimum wage job.

So, your daughter bought you a present that you took 5 months to actually look at ? Maybe that’s why she only spent 2:50 on you….

I agree.

This

I think many of us think our mother hold a special place n our families so we want to make them feel special and treat them every now and then. My mum’s present was always a priority for me - even as a young child with a Saturday job. But my mum was really lovely. Of course she had her moments but she was overall a good mum.

how on EARTH do you know this?
(hint - you don't!)
Daughter could be earning £60k and only spending £300 p/m on rent (£600 for a room that she shares with her boyfriend in a shared house).

Whereas OP could be working part time on minimum wage and still need to pay every other bill apart from a mortgage.

You've got no idea.

And regardless of how little the daughter has left after rent, I can't imagine she couldn't have saved the price of less than 3 coffees, or 2 tesco meal deals, or 1 glass of wine, OVER THE COURSE OF A YEAR, to buy her mum a present costing a tenner.

Otherwise you're suggesting a grown woman on a professional wage can't afford to ever buy herself a coffee, sandwich at lunch or have a night out, in which case she's clearly living beyond her means.

Agree. It’s a gift chosen by a loved one. All comes across as bizarrely grabby and materialistic

Don’t see what the issue is. You aren’t a child, so would expect to be able to buy whatever you want - when you needed it. Does your daughter assume the same?

I would have been hurt too, OP. It sounds like your daughter is a skinflint and that is such an unattractive trait to have.

Thank you for that insight.

I must remember to bin my sense of humour and let my children that they vastly disappoint me!!

Better?

I get it, I would feel the same. The least I would expect was that the price was rubbed off. Bit cheeky of her but casting my mind back hundreds of years to my twenties, I remember a time where I rarely thought of anything but myself. Let her off and put it down to the selfishness of youth.

Just because you want to race to the bottom doesn't mean others have to join you there.

I totally understand how you feel OP. I’m not materialistic but I’d be hurt at a clearly second-hand book. Somehow it suggests a lack of thought and care. She’s clearly not hard up so if it was a book she’d thought you’d love, why not add some other bits and bobs. Why not rub out the price!

My sister in law gave me a secondhand book for my bday and it stung. There were even a few missing pages. I knew she’d probably just picked up something from her house that she’d already read. You can do that without it being a bday / Christmas gift! Special occasion gifts should make the receiver feel special. It’s not about money, but carefully choosing something they know you’ll love, and wrapping it with care.