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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be disappointed about the book?

508 replies

AnnaSewell · 24/04/2024 01:14

My daughter is in her mid-twenties. For Xmas she bought me a slim paperback book. I thought at the time it was a fairly modest gift but thanked her and put it on one side.

This evening I picked it up to read. I found she had omitted to rub out the pencil price put in at the charity shop. The book had cost £2.49.

I would like to have been worth a tenner.

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 24/04/2024 04:43

PinkyFlamingo · 24/04/2024 04:33

I would be hurt to, I'm not materialistic at all but this smacks of a total lack of though and effort.

This is what I thought. It's about way more than what she spent on the present. The OP feels unappreciated, and it hurts.

stayathomer · 24/04/2024 04:34

I don’t think in general monetary value has anything to do with a gift (my mother in law once printed out a picture I’d said I adored and put it in a frame and it bet all presents!!) but if you say it’s not a classic edition of a book or a book she thought would stay with you forever then I’m lost as to why she didn’t even pair it with some sweets and a candle or something.

PinkyFlamingo · 24/04/2024 04:33

I would be hurt to, I'm not materialistic at all but this smacks of a total lack of though and effort.

Delphiniumandlupins · 24/04/2024 03:56

Depends on the book. Is it one she had read/enjoyed/wants to discuss with you?

exomoon · 24/04/2024 03:50

AnnaSewell · 24/04/2024 02:58

Daughter on professional salary. No debt. Not currently saving for deposit, though highish rent

The book is certainly a good read, though the jacket shows signs of wear and the pages are a little faded/discoloured. Not an out of print book by a favourite author.

I am low waged though mortgage paid off.

We don't tend to go for lavish gifts, but I had bought her two new books - one cookery, one fiction - plus a clothing voucher. Total spend £75 plus a few small stocking fillers.

I would reduce spend to £10-20 on her present in future, given you’re on a low wage.

YankSplaining · 24/04/2024 03:15

I gave my mother a recently published, hardcover book that I got for under half price at a used bookstore. Once I erased the price, you couldn’t tell the difference.

If your book had been in such good condition that the price note was the only thing distinguishing it from a new one, I would have said you were being unreasonable. But it sounds like it definitely looks used, so I’m on your side.

Noyesnoyes · 24/04/2024 03:03

AnnaSewell · 24/04/2024 02:58

Daughter on professional salary. No debt. Not currently saving for deposit, though highish rent

The book is certainly a good read, though the jacket shows signs of wear and the pages are a little faded/discoloured. Not an out of print book by a favourite author.

I am low waged though mortgage paid off.

We don't tend to go for lavish gifts, but I had bought her two new books - one cookery, one fiction - plus a clothing voucher. Total spend £75 plus a few small stocking fillers.

Tbh I would never expect my child to gift at the same level as I do to them.

Clearly you see cost of a present as a sign of affection or love, not everyone does.

Original poster
AnnaSewell · 24/04/2024 02:58

Daughter on professional salary. No debt. Not currently saving for deposit, though highish rent

The book is certainly a good read, though the jacket shows signs of wear and the pages are a little faded/discoloured. Not an out of print book by a favourite author.

I am low waged though mortgage paid off.

We don't tend to go for lavish gifts, but I had bought her two new books - one cookery, one fiction - plus a clothing voucher. Total spend £75 plus a few small stocking fillers.

OP posts:
JanglingJack · 24/04/2024 02:47

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/04/2024 02:40

Is it a thoughtful book?

Gideon Bible.

Ripped Off.

Warrantedrab · 24/04/2024 02:43

I remember in my twenties. Horrible time. I’d been to uni, got a job, my own place, my family was so proud. I’d done everything that was expected of me. My entry level graduate job was crap pay and never kept up salary wise with inflation, I ended up accumulating £7k of credit card debt trying to preserve the image that I was doing ok.

I remember dreading Christmas and birthdays thinking I would need to supply half a dozen presents to various family members knowing that that was what they expected from their successful daughter. Wish I’d been sensible enough to just pick out a thoughtful token gift rather than all the stress and upset I inflicted on myself trying to keep up appearances.

Noyesnoyes · 24/04/2024 02:42

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And that there is the greatest gift of all.....

💓

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/04/2024 02:40

Is it a thoughtful book?

Noyesnoyes · 24/04/2024 02:40

Is it a book you really wanted? I'd be thrilled!

I had the opposite with my DS, I was casually chatting with a friend and she was talking about Milton brown and their rose and rhubarb range, she said they have a candle in that, I said "oh I bet that's nice",

DS overheard and bought me one for Christmas, I think it was £40 and he must've really stretched to get that. I was pleased with the sentiment, but no way did I want him spending that amount on me.

For me, pick a pebble off the beach and paint it for me, that'll be lovely!

Catsmere · 24/04/2024 02:36

My first thought was “is it out of print?”

JanglingJack · 24/04/2024 02:33

I'll send your daughter £7.51, so she can forward to you, so you know your worth.

It's the thought that counts.

My son bought me a Mother's day card (he's in his 20's) for his favourite Mother In Law. He just crossed out in law and proceeded to tell me the shops were sold out.
We still laugh over it.

Re the book, we'd be - do you remember when you bought me that book and forgot to rub the price off? 😂 Eejit.

RunningAwayToJoinTheCircus · 24/04/2024 02:28

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PoppingTomorrow · 24/04/2024 02:27

I think posters are being disingenuous, OP. I can understand why that feels hurtful if its the only thing you received from her and you don't have a family tradition of extremely inexpensive gifts or you know she is struggling.

How is your relationship otherwise?

Ladyj84 · 24/04/2024 02:21

My kids often come with things when they go charity shops with daddy and I couldn't care less if it was free or 10p it's the thought and love when they give me something

LenaLamont · 24/04/2024 02:06

The cost was irrelevant - is it a book she would be reasonable to assume you’d like?

My daughter bought my Christmas gift in a charity shop. It was a really thoughtful choice of book. How much it cost her was unimportant, and I love that she thought of me when she saw it.

Paninaro94 · 24/04/2024 01:49

£2:50- unacceptable
£10- acceptable

Why £10?

I think we need to know more about the level of presents you all usually exchange

merrymelodies · 24/04/2024 01:42

If your relationship with your DD is good, I wouldn't worry about how much of her personal wealth she spends on your gift.

PurpleChrayn · 24/04/2024 01:41

I would honestly treasure any gift my daughter bought for me.

exomoon · 24/04/2024 01:39

That’s a bit of a shit gift. How much do you spend on her? Scale it right back.

SummerFeverVenice · 24/04/2024 01:36

I have met people where they had a golden child sibling who got the most expensive, lavish gifts and they got well shite from Poundland. So this creates an association of lots of £ spent shows love, and little £ spent shows lack of love. Things we are shown in childhood often go deep and affect our other relationships.

LiterallyOnFire · 24/04/2024 01:34

Presumably the family gift giving norm has been broken and that is what's caused this reaction.