To be disappointed about the book?

Don't ask questions and then be ridiculous because you don't like the answer. YOU asked what it meant and then got angry when the answer was given.

The explanation was disingenuous and misleading and I do not want to discuss anti trans rhetoric. The OP did not mention their views regarding gender in this post and I just stated clearly that I do not want to be drawn into a discussion about this subject. Do not continue to attempt to discuss this subject with me.

Previous posts from OP mention it and explain her relationship with her DD. It was asked what GC meant and an explanation was given.

@SpidersAreShitheads

Again, the difference is that you respectfully challenge and don't fall out. I am not discussing my opinion on gender ideology, or anything else. I'm just saying that if you can't have the discussion without it resulting in your children cutting you off, consider whether you want to have that discussion in the first place. But if you do want to do it, deal with the consequences of that, whatever they are, rather than moaning to the internet about your Christmas present 5 months after the fact.

@Crispsandcola

how are @GirlyBassey and @SpidersAreShitheads posts anti trans?

What on earth does that have to do with this post? There is no mention of the OP's views regarding gender. Why are you bringing that up? I am absolutely not interested in anti trans rhetoric and will not engage in a discussion about it on this post. Please do not interact with me any further regarding this subject.

I don't know OP and obviously I'm not privy to the conversations which have gone on.

However, those on the side of the gender ideology perspective tend to have an all or nothing approach. Many, many women have been denounced as fascist bigots for refusing to believe that people can magically change sex, and for wanting boundaries around women's single sex spaces.

Compromising or agreeing to disagree is often not sufficient. The movement has done a very good job of convincing many young people that women who believe in sex-based rights are bigots who deserve to be ostracised. Even if it's their parents or close female relatives.

OP isn't the first woman to come onto MN and say that she's been cut off by her children because she refused to change her views on sex-based rights for women.

We don't know what happened here but those who believe in gender ideology often have an ideological fervour, and anything other than complete agreement means you're a right wing Nazi in their view. Up until the release of the Cass report, their mantra was #No Debate - which pretty much says it all.

If things played out with the OP and her DD as has been seen widely elsewhere, there's probably little OP could have done to persuade her DD that they could agree to disagree.

I don't want to derail the thread into a whole conversation about gender ideology but I don't think equating women's rights with homophobia or racism is helpful. With the Cass Report, the ban on puberty blockers, and today's announcement that the new NHS charter means trans women won't be allowed onto single sex wards, there seems to be a gradual awakening to the fact that women fighting for their rights to be identified via their sex had a valid point all along. So the answer to the point about where all this is leading is that maybe we're heading back to science-based facts, and where we originally started from!

I don't need to fall out with any family member over my views, but equally I don't think it's healthy or helpful to pretend to believe something that you don't. I have a couple of elderly family members who are racist, homophobic, and xenophobic based on historic attitudes that were prevalent in society during their lifetime, and while we always disagree, we have had many conversations where I've challenged them respectfully to prove their point/defend their views.

The issue with gender ideology is is that certain parties have brainwashed sections of society, particularly younger people, into believing that championing/protecting sex-based rights automatically makes you an evil person and that only complete agreement will suffice. And that's why gender ideology is so problematic and cult-like. And why it ends up in NC/low contact and charity shop presents.

There's a few of you deliberately misunderstanding me. What I'm saying is have your opinions, but if you choose to argue with your children over them to the point they want to go no contact with you, don't whinge that they don't spend enough on your present.

For ANY opinion. Not just gender identity. Fall out with your kids all you want. Just don't then be mad that falling out means charity shop presents.

The difference in your story is that you had discussions. Not arguments and falling outs and months of no contact. There is a difference.

Oh no, you can’t express your views cos you’ll damage your relationship with your child if you do according to @IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

It's almost as if you're entirely clueless as to the immense and real damage gender ideology is doing to women and children - or perhaps you simply don't care? Of course mothers should stand their ground when challenged by their adult children - and it's often the children who bring up the subject.

Aside from anything else, hiding or changing your deeply held beliefs to accommodate an adult child is terrible parenting. They need to learn that other people are allowed to think differently from them. All but one of my adult kids initially disagreed with my stance on gender, but after many discussions about it, they have become card-carrying terfs themselves.

Feeling very grateful for my low maintenance parents right now. They never expect anything for birthdays or Christmases and I know they'd be chuffed with a book, even if it was from a charity shop. I think there's more to your story. Either you've missed something out about your relationship with your daughter or she's in serious debt or trouble and it was a cry for help? What worries me is that this is now nearly May and you are still dwelling on it.

Yes there clearly is a backstory @Toomanyemails as posters have picked up - I haven't gone back over OP's past threads to find out. But I can still see how this would be upsetting for a parent - maybe more so with a shaky relationship. Obviously OP should try and resolve it, but that isn't what she was asking. I pretty much agree with most of your comments. If the daughter was deliberately intending to be hurtful, it worked.

TBH I'm not sure, if DC gave me a cheap and thoughtless gift, that I would raise it with them. I would probably just say thank you and take it to the charity shop. But, like you say, if there were other underlying issues, then, of course, I would raise those.

I assumed OP's comments about her daughter's salary/rent/car/outgoings are in answer to the posters mentioning COL and her potential poverty.

If this was genuinely a bolt from the blue and a sudden change from their usual gift giving tradition then maybe, but there's clearly some backstory to this about their relationship becoming strained.

OP didn't come on here asking if she should ask DD why she chose the book. She doesn't want to understand DD's decision, which probably means she knows the reason but isn't respecting it or willing to do anything to fix it, she wants us to vilify her DD. It's weird to be going on about how much DD earns and whether or not she owns a car.

If DD's been pass agg in general and not explained why, and OP is trying to resolve it, then that's the problem, not spending £2.50 on a gift the recipient enjoyed.

@Toomanyemails

Maybe they looked at their outgoings and decided to cut down on gifts for people who they don't have close relationships with 😀

Which would be hurtful to the parent on the receiving end to realise this. Which is basically what this whole thread is about.

As other posters have said, it's unfair to not communicate that you are cutting down on spending before you exchange gifts.

It doesn't matter what the opinion is, or who is "right" or "wrong". It's about deciding whether your opinion or your relationship with that person is the more important thing to you. Are your gender critical views worth your child no longer speaking to you? If yes, then by all means say whatever you want. If no, then maybe don't raise it. But if you decide that expressing your views is more important than maintaining a relationship with your child, don't complain when that relationship is damaged.

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

im not sure that people who have gender critical views should be expected to put up and shut up else risk alienating their offspring? Surely that says more about their offspring than them?

Says who? And what will the attitude to them be in 50 years from now?

We're all entitled to opinions and we're entitled to express them. And this relates to everything, not just current "hot topics". What type of cheese you like. Your political views. Who you think is attractive. Whether you're a dog or cat person.

Before you discuss any opinions, decide whether you're prepared for any consequences of holding that opinion. One of which could be alienating people you love.

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

gender critical views about sex and identity are not akin to racism and homophobia though.

No. But I'm saying that what is considered appropriate changes rapidly. I have older relatives I massively dislike being around because they are openly racists and homophobic and express those views a lot. Go back 50 years to when they were the "young" generation and it was more widely accepted to hold those views. It's not now, with good reason.

Nowadays, there's differing views around gender/sex/identifying as etc. and some of them, whether anyone thinks they're valid or not, are things that can cause big rifts like racism and homophobia can. So, do we go around airing views that could be considered offensive to our children, or do we think about how they could be taken and decided whether that's something we actually want to discuss with them? Is it likely that discussing it will cause more harm than good? What will be gained from it if you do?

Basically, apply some thought to what opinions you make public and what you don't. As we should with literally any conversation we enter into. Think before we speak and decide whether this is something worth the potential consequences.

I think you're right. Having read OP's other threads, the daughter sounds controlling and judgemental.

I suspect she is the type that would be VERY pissed off if she didn't get a nice present from OP.

@Toomanyemails

proper tight aren’t they? 😀

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

omg are you genuinely saying that the older generation shouldn’t be able to express themselves in case the younger generation doesn’t agree?!

You sound as passive aggressive as the DD.

Maybe they looked at their outgoings and decided to cut down on gifts for people who they don't have close relationships with 😀

If she was on benefits I would agree. But come on, all she can afford is £2.49 on a joint salary of 80kL If their situation is super insecure on that they need to look at their outgoings.