To be disappointed about the book?

We’re a ‘ there’s too much stuff in the world already family’ so love the local Oxfam bookshop.. All book presents come from there.
Perhaps your dd felt overwhelmed Christmas shopping. Perhaps she feels there’s just too much crap in the world.

How very childish

I might raise an eyebrow and think they’d been a bit cheap (depends on their financial circumstances though), but I don’t think it would annoy me that much.

It doesn't exactly show a lot of care or thought. I wouldn't mind a second hand book if it was significant somehow but these seems like a quick cheap grab.

That's awful, isn't it.

To be honest I think that people who react like you in this type of situation to be tiresome and rather shallow.
I don't mean it harshly, but that's just what I think.

Why on earth would you place your "worth" on the monetary value of a gift? What would you say at the other end of the extreme had she bought you something worth £50,000? Oh how lovely and how much she must love me? It's ridiculous.

And if you got no gift, then you mean nothing and she hates you?
You need to build up your self esteem and stop placing value on items rather than your actual relationship with your daughter, how you communicate, if you get on, how you raised her, whether she is a good person.

As a parent, you brought your child into the world. They didn't ask to be here. How can you expect anything at all from them? How can you possibly tell them what is 'good enough' when you dragged them into existence?

How utterly depressing a viewpoint that is. No wonder the current generation of young people are so self-obsessed and many are so shit at creating and maintaining positive relationships.

Another MNer who thinks all relationships are purely transactional

There was no thought. That’s the point.

Yes!

I’d be hurt too. By the lack of thought, and yes, by the value. Not because I expect expensive gifts from my child ( which I don’t get ) but I would like to think he’d make more effort.
£2.50 is a really tight sum for a working adult to spend on her own mother for Gods sake. Bet she spent a lot more time and effort on her friends.
Unless there’s a backstory and she paid for Christmas dinner or contributed in another way.

No.
Some people know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

No, it's not materialistic to assess one's relationship with one's child to be worth marginally higher than a charity shop paperback. The OP isn't asking for a Chanel handbag or a Tiffany necklace to flash around. Just something that that doesn't look like a quick 'Oh, fuck it, this'll do to keep Mum quiet' grab.

Why do women expect so little of their children? You brought them up. You probably came on MN looking for support because it was so tough at times. And now, apparently, you're not allowed to expect even the minimum of thoughtfulness and kindness from them. What kind of children have you all brought up that you deem yourselves lucky to receive a card?

Yes I would reciprocate, a charity shop purchase,

' Oh sorry , after my gift from you I took your lead and bought , eco , green , recycled, save the planet , re-useable , whatever thinking you'd be pleased . Sorry if I got it wrong 😑'

Nonsense. Character isn't all about upbringing. If it were, provided parents all followed a blue print there would be no adults with undesirable traits and behaviour. You can't possibly believe that every adult who can be mean, unpleasant, uncaring or any one of a host of other undesirable traits is the 'creation' of an inadequate mother and has no autonomy at all?

Lovely! Not spiteful at all, that attitude.

Don't have a discussion, don't find out if there is a financial issue, don't find out if her adult daughter just thinks too much "stuff" is not required.

Just don't buy them anything expensive in a tit for tat style retaliation.

Amazing that adults cannot have a conversation!

The Oh So saintly are out in force OP.

Most people would be taken aback or hurt to get a lone, second hand stocking filler for Xmas.

Upside: big, big upside - no bill for buying nice presents for her again. It’s not necessary and it’s the right thing to do.

Second hand gifts are a thing in my wider family. It would be seen as wasteful to buy something new! We buy small thoughtful second hand presents for everyone except the children.

If that isn't the norm in your family I can imagine it might feel like you aren't appreciated.

Spend less on her if it bothers you that much. Its nearly may, time to get over christmas

Some tough replies here. I would feel like the OP i expect unless the giftgiver had said that they were going down the second hand route and keeping spends low. I am not money orientated but would have been a bit flummoxed by a two quid slightly tatty book as my whole gift

Time to cut back on what you spend on her - she's an adult with a good job. She doesn't need £75 worth of gifts. If you'd spent £20 on her you might not feel so aggrieved.

A £2.50 charity shop book on its own is not a good present for someone who spent £75 on you, never mind all the "it's the thought that counts" bollocks.

I've got some friends and family who would appreciate a thoughtful second hand book, one that was carefully chosen because i think they'll love it. Others who wouldn't.

I guess it's not one that you were super excited about as it's taken you until April to read it, so it's ok to feel disappointed that she missed the mark.

Crossing out mother in law etc is not the same thing at all. I can understand why she is upset.

I’d say she’s either skint or not bothered. Either way, maybe stop the unnecessary gift giving between adults?

I think it's the thought that counts. You can reduce the amount you spend on her. I'd spend £20. If she complains, then she isn't grateful.

@ringoffiire and @shepherdsangeldelight
Exactly.