To be disappointed about the book?

I would be pleased that she got me a gift and that she was supporting a charity shop. Much rather children kept in regular touch and did other thoughtful things like making me a cup of tea, cheering me up if I need it etc etc.

£2.50 is less than a coffee in London.
surely if she was so worked up about appearances she could forego coffee for a week and buy something more thoughtful.

if the explanation is that the daughter is in debt from trying to keep appearances with friends and colleagues so that she has £2.50 left for her mum’s Christmas present- how is that any better? She values others more than her mum, which is exactly what stings

Agreed. A £2.50 book chosen for me that I really like is worth more than a new hardback costing £20 about some personality I've never heard of / would hate.

If you think the book was chosen with care, try not to let the price tag upset you.

(said from someone whose own mother bought her a charity shop T shirt for her 40th birthday, 10 whole sizes too big, oh yes ...)

I love reading and have many books.
My children in their 20s have a handsome wage they earn more than me but its their money they have got me books as low as 20p from charity shops or 5 for a £1.
To me its the fact they still think of me.
Its not about the price tag is it.
Money is tight i have always told mine dont spend out on me you owe me nothing.
I rather have a secondhand book or secondhand something else than both of them spending silly amounts on something flashy.
Even for xmass and birthdays i get a holiday voucher but honestly i do like the books more.

The OP immediately came back to me and said her daughter is on a professional salary and has no debt.

My immediate thought was she can’t possibly be so sure. I worked so hard in my twenties at keeping up appearances because I wanted my parents to think I was successful and not be disappointed in my. Even now they don’t know how much of a mess I got myself into. Between a high rent and high levels of expenses though things like having to socialise with work, work clothes etc my COL was bonkers.

I bought my friend a second-hand book for Christmas, about a particular stately home she liked. It is out of print, and I sourced it on eBay. It was in good condition and the seller was kind enough to wrap it in Christmas paper, write a gift tag with a note from me and post it out to her as a gift.

That might not have been what she paid for it. I frequently buy books from eBay, abe books, secondhand book shops and charity shops and they often have a price written inside that's not what I paid - because that price is from when the book was sold a dozen times ago in a different shop and no one has rubbed out the price.
(Most charity shops don't write the price inside these days anyway. They either have a price sticker on the front or a "all books £1" sign on the shelf)

I get how you feel OP, and I am a very unmaterialistic person. It's an underlying feeling that, 'It's just mum so any old shit will do,' rather than, 'My mum, who has done so much for me - how can I show her my love?'

One of my DC always does me a hand drawn card on mother's day and for birthdays. The other always gives me a card from a pack I bought him as a stocking filler years ago. Neither cost anything but one shows thought and the other doesn't. And thought = affection sometimes, when you've cared for them for two decades.

I had a look at OP’s posts, she seems very reasonable to me.

Her daughter sounds judgemental and interfering.

As a slightl aside

I buy lots of books for my dad for his university course -philosophy and ancient Romans. Lots of those books I'd get off Amazon and may be second hand.

Those ones may have come via charity shop at sone point. Most of my legal books were second hand and sone from oxfam book shops with good reference sections.

So in that case, for a book you wanted, then it's fine. She may have got it from Amazon for £10 not spent £2.50.

If it's RANDOM CRIME NOVEL then it's a bit cheap, if it was say a good hardback biography-say Michelle Obama's then I'd overlook the charity aspect -assuming I enjoyed that sort of book.

If it's a book by an author you like or on a subject of interest to you, then it's a thoughtful gift. If it's just something random then not so much.
If she has kids, could it be she spent most of her money on their gifts? Or is she just struggling for money in general? If none of those it seems a bit rubbish. Maybe a nice relevant book, plus another gift would've been better? The cost itself isn't really the issue but I can see why it doesn't look good. But a lot of Xmas gifts are dross anyway and get shoved into cupboards or given away by January.

Present giving feels like such a minefield.

When my sister asked what she could buy my son for Christmas we requested one Julia Donaldson book of her choice as we were starting our collection. Because she found some second hand and had an idea of how much a gift should be worth she gave us about 20 books. They've been the absolute faves for years, but the point is we'd have been thrilled with just the one, it didn't matter to me if she spent £20 or £2. We often say that second hand gifts are fine, and then because people have a financial expectation when it comes to gift giving we end up with an absurd amount of stuff because £20 goes much further in a charity shop than in a toy shop or regular book shop or wherever. I'm told that the gift is the choice of the giver, and the recipients role is to be grateful regardless of what was given. I don't always agree with this tbh, but the amount spent wouldn't be something which bothered me personally.

Think the world would be a better place if we cared less about what something was worth and more about what it was worth to us.

I would never expect gifts from my adult daughter, but I am happy with anything she gets me.
This wouldn't have stressed me in the slightest.
I love reading, and pass them on to friends when I have read them (they pass theirs on to me).
I guess it is the fact it was a gift that upset you, but even so, I would rather my daughter saved for what she needed rather than spend money on me.

Agree with this. I understand, OP. I'd be upset.

Scale back what you spend. You're on a low wage, and she's an adult with a professional job.

This sounds very ungrateful, even if I just got my mum a card she would happy as would I if that's all my DD got me when she's old enough to buy presents. Christmas has become very gift focussed, and it can be incredibly stressful and expensive. Time spent with each other is far more valuable

this.

Fair enough, but maybe she could have bought 4 or 5 books then. That's what I do with my mum - every occasion she gets a bundle of charity shop books that I have thought she will like which I've picked up over the preceeding months. I also buy her a top or something she needs.

Has she grown up in a family where money has always been tight, your dh or partner (if you have one) has never bothered with gifts for you and you've accepted that or does she lavish money on herself and be tight on others? All of that would affect my response.

Tbh money was tight when we were growing up and my parents never really bought gifts for themselves instead focusing on us. I like to treat them and I do buy them stuff I know they will like or need. I can ask my mum directly wheras my dad is harder. So I might get my mum something for a fiver in passing because she will like said gift but for her birthday or a special event I'd spend more. Whilst I know she wouldn't want a lavish gift (she'd be on at me for wasting money) a pebble wouldn't quite do it either.

Totally below the belt.

Go on, save my poor thumbs

This! Absolutely! I had a professional job but rents were high and I didn’t have a good enough relationship with my parents to admit to my lowish salary and strained financial circumstances.

As I had a professional services’ job and as my sister was ‘only’ a teacher, they paid for things for her ( holidays etc), though she actually earned far more than me and lived in a much cheaper party of the country.

Also the dynamics of childhood come into play ( I was seen as successful and to be taken down a peg or two; my sister was seen as helpless ( even though she is older) and to be helped and supported. Not helpful.

It’s impossible to say what your child’s circumstances are, or your relative position s. Some kids are thoughtless, some parents clueless. Try to take it in good faith and keep an open mind.

Advanced search is useful. And you're right.

There's a place between lavish unnecessary 'insta worthy' gift giving and £2.50 on your mum for Christmas. It's the place the vast majority of people occupy, where they tend to offer a level of generosity to others conversent with their relationship, means and norms within the family. Vanishingly few people occupy a space where a charity shop book would be their chosen gift for their mother, unless this was understood as part of the family ethos, or they were in hardship. So I'm not sure why people persist in pretending its normal, and that anything else is some form of decadence and greed.

Exactly.
If my son, who's a student, saw a book he thought I'd like in a charity shop for £2.49, he'd buy it and just give me it the next time he saw me - he certainly wouldn't be thinking that's Christmas/Mum's birthday sorted.

All the posters defending the daughter's sheer thoughtlessness are talking bollocks. The OP received a thoroughly shit present and has every right to feel aggrieved.