To be disappointed about the book?

The book is a red herring. Either you have a close relationship and she loves you, or you don't. The book could exist in either scenario.

Is she perhaps more eco than you and wants to receive modest sustainable gifts?

Genuine question, why do you think your gift was better? New? Cost? Have a deep think.

She doesn't think you are "worth less than a tenner". Or is £10 the going rate for a mum?

DH and I are huge readers and buy most of our books from charity shops. But I wouldn't think of giving him second hand books as a Christmas/birthday gift unless it was something rare and unusual/out of print I know he'd like. And he feels the same.

What does she usually spend on you? What's your relationship like? What did she buy for other people? If you have a happy relationship and she usually buys you more, my guess is that she was just extremely skint that month. She's mid-20s and renting, so even on a decent enough salary she probably has some pretty lean months.

If she's cold or difficult towards you in general and never bothers to make any effort for you, and everyone else got expensive gifts, that's obviously a different matter.

I think it's very hard to whether YABU without knowing the whole dynamic of the relationship, really.

This - context is all.

Only the family truly knows the context.

I wish everyone did smaller gifts at Xmas, it’s such a stressful time and I’d much prefer the focus to be on spending time with loved ones than gifts. My friend buys all her gifts in charity shops and I think that’s so much better financially and for the environment.
I’d get so much more enjoyment out of a £2.50 second hand book that I would enjoy reading, than a £30 bath set that would end up sitting around unused for 6 months then put on the schools tombola!

According to the OP, she only was unhappy with the book when she saw the price written inside it four months after receiving the gift.

If the book was acceptable until she saw a price written in it, the OP is judging their relationship on money spent.

The price might even be a red herring, Loads of second hand books I've bought in shops, online or at events have had pencilled in prices that don't represent what I've spent at all. The story book I ordered from Nova Scotia for my mother in Wales said $1.75 and cost me £15, but I thought it would really mean something to her.

As I said upthread, my daughter did give me a second hand book for Christmas this year. She chose it because she thought of me when she saw it - it was far in advance of Christmas when she came across it. I am really touched; it's a very thoughtful gift.

Posters claiming a book is a thoughtless gift aren't readers, I guess. Choosing a book is a very thoughtful thing to do.

@fromthegecko I think that's the whole point, if the context is loving family relationships and someone ran out and got you a charity book they think you will love, that's would be fine for me. If it's bought as a snub or to make a point, then that's different. I don't think this story can be about a book, because these things never are. If that's the case, OP, then it's fine to feel as you do and to keep parenting consistently (but don't spend £75 if you don't want to at Christmas, if it seems disproportionate).

I know that it's bad form to remember earlier threads, but your backstory is so distinctive I can't forget it. She did this to insult and wound you. All you can do is heap coals of fire, by continuing to be a good and loving mother.

Round us, charity shop books are never worth a tenner, either. We have a local charity shop that has a book room and everything is 80p! Imagine that!

It’s a big assumption though isn’t it. All I read in the media is about how tough those starting out have it. How rents are increasing and outpacing earnings. Credit card debt is increasing as well as uncleared balances and more and more people are turning to buy now pay later schemes. I don’t know many young professionals who are rolling in it- even in professional jobs.

So, I love books, and I'd be more delighted with a book than any other present, plus I'd be impressed my children were hunting round charity shops for books for me!

In terms of effort, I feel this is more than getting a £10 book off Amazon.

This would be a standard gift exchange in our house- they'd put a book, perhaps a scarf/item of clothing (charity shopped) and some choccies in a bag for me, or make up a stocking of very cheap items.

I spend lots more on them because- I'm their mum! My mum gives me more than I give her, that's the chain of money, it flows down!

my mum actually hunted down a board game i loved as a child, i assume scouring charity shops and ebay. I was explicit in "if you see it cheap, get it, its not worth £30 for a new one"

She does love brik a brak. So a 2nd hand jigsaw with cats on it would be fine (at risk of a missing peice) - though if it was only £2 i'd get her a few. Not think "job done"

We have no issue with 2nd hand/used books as gifts - but I would feel bad giving only that to my Mum. She is forever telling us to spend less on them! I'd have thought she could surely have stretched to £20 or £30? She isn't planning to take you out or anything? I've often given quite small gifts as 'things', and then added on an experience.

This.

Assuming that the daughter isn't really strapped for cash, by all means by a charity shop book if the book is one she thinks her mother will enjoy - but add something else, even if it's some favourite chocolate, warm winter socks, a box of shortbread - something that says "I love you and haven't just picked up the first piece of cheap shit I think I can get away with."

Is it thoughtful though? If she'd spent time hunting down that exact book because she knew it would be something her mother would love, then fair enough. But if she left it to the last minute then popped into the charity shop and grabbed the first thing she thought she could get away with, then you've every right to be miffed. I suspect it was the latter, and I'd be pissed off too. Still, it would let me off bothering for her birthday.

@AnnaSewell I understand OP. You feel she's just grabbed something that was cheap, with no thought.
Although one of my sons once gave me a second hand book, it was an old Agatha Christie edition - my favourite author. It was was very inexpensive, but I loved it. More context is needed I think. Otherwise just smile and breathe. At least she didn't give you a kitten or something like that ( assuming you don't want a kitten).
BTW - one of the best books ever BB

Sorry, my point was I was trying to keep up appearances. Her daughter might be in the same situation I was having on the face of it a successful job, but actually be making more sensible decisions. So rather than putting another 100 quid on a credit card to look successful she might have made the decision that looking back I wish I had done.

Is it thoughtful though? If she'd hunted down the book, knowing it would be something her mother would love, then the cost wouldn't matter. But if she left getting a gift to the last minute and she nipped into a charity shop and grabbed the first thing she could get away with, then I think you have every right to be miffed, OP.

It is April….let it go…

This.

OP I wouldn’t be so sure you know everything about your daughter’s finances.

Like a PP I had a professional job in my twenties…and I got v heavily into debt. My mum had no idea.

Or your daughter might just be being canny with her money and thought you’d like it - I don’t know - but I really wouldn’t assume she’s well off.

I really struggled with paying my rent and for food etc at one point in my twenties. I had a feckless boyfriend and was subsidising him. I had a job. My parents would've had no idea.
I suppose it depends what's normal in your household. But DD often buys me thoughtful stuff from charity shops and I do the same for her. I wouldn't be looking at the price paid. Does she show you in other ways that she loves you?

I wouldn't give someone a gift that didnt look like it was in a 'new' condition.

Charity shop gifts are fine if they look new. It's a bit crap to give someone a used looking gift, unless it's collectable or rare.

Our children owe us nothing we as parents chose to have them they didnt ask us to be born.
Be grateful.

£2.49 is a rubbish gift, no wonder you're peed off.