To be disappointed about the book?

I would rather my son spent less on something I like than buying me flowers, scented candles etc. I tell him every year not to spend money on me but he always goes over the top. He spends the money but it’s like he doesn’t know me. I’m not a scented candle or flowers person. He buys me alcohol and chocolates too, I would be happy with just those. Or even a secondhand book that would give me hours of enjoyment.

@Barleysugar86 ONE second hand book that cost three quid was not the only gift you bought your mother though, so the your situation, and the OP's aren't the same.

I agree that the OP's daughter might be in tons of debt though, and I suggested that earlier in the thread.

Happens a lot on here doesn't it?! And I am Gen X - so these comments aren't aimed at me - but they still annoy me. The nasty 'boomer' comments always come from a certain type of person too.

My mum gifts us second hand books- she's very conscious about her environmental footprint. I certainly don't mind- I gifted her some second hand vintage books this year and second hand vintage games last year so I would say this is very normal and ok in our family.

One book (second hand or new) is a bit on the small size as a gift for our families norm, I'd have bought some chocolates as well, but I wouldn't take it too much to heart. It had some thought in it.

To be honest you say your daughter has no debt but you can't possibly KNOW. I had almost £20k on credit cards before I finally told my parents I'd messed up and needed help.

Give her the same next birthday/Christmas.

Considering the state of the environment I think a used book is a perfectly appropriate gift.
You didn't even start reading it until April but you wanted more books that cost more money and made more waste just because reasons?
I'm actually really surprised by how many people think you're being reasonable

Agree and OP would have to be at the very least 38 when she had her dc anyway to be a boomer.

Sick of the snide digs and sick of these terms being used in a derogatory way.

At least you have a daughter to even get you a book be grateful.
She owes you nothing.
I go to the cemetery to see my daughter most of you on this thread dont have a single fucking clue how lucky you are.
My last gift was a home made card and a second hand cup with a flower on it.
Id eat glass if it brought her home for just one day.
All this crap about showing love you can do that without needing money spent on you.
Thank your lucky stars you still get to see them.

Oh come on, you know what it means. Op, this won't be about the book i know, it's about value/thoughtfulness and the way this is shown. How is she generally? and how were you valued as a child, did you get thoughtful presents.

I am generally baffled by the lack of ability to see beyond the actual thing that people post about.

Just don’t do gifts going forward. You’re low income & your daughter clearly feels that spending more than a couple of pounds is too much.

Money spent doesn’t equal love.

Perhaps she's trying to tell you something.

OMG I would be so proud of my adult daughter for:

Buying me a gift.
Looking after the planet by buying second hand.
Supporting a charity.
Being frugal with her money.
Not thinking I cared about monetary value enough to rub out the price.

Seems like she has turned out ok - despite you.

It's not about owing us something, it's about appreciating people who love you and showing love in return, as a well-balanced adult.

Of course they didn't ask to be born - no one does - but that doesn't mean reciprocal love, respect, affection, generosity and thoughtfulness aren't desirable in our relationships with our adult children.

Yep tight and unthoughtful.
I think less generous with her presents next time round.

OP I am so sorry - whether we like it or not, presents represent some form of value (not necessarily in relation to the monetary spend, it could be effort and thoughtfulness as well) and I would react exactly the same way as you. I think for some, they genuinely don't 'feel' the value of a present, but for goodness sake it's not a hard thing to fake. Like I said it's not about going out and spending loads, it's about letting someone know you value them enough to think about what to get them, or that you think enough of them to make them something, for example.

A few years ago my father asked me if I'd mind if he never bought me a present again because he found it too stressful to think of something. He was always that way. He never had a problem as kids, finding a gift for my brother that cost loads, then telling me about how he'd found it. I'd get an umbrella or an LP. I felt such contempt for him at that moment. It was him telling me I wasn't worth any effort. And you know what, it was the culmination of him showing it in various ways for several decades. (By the way, my husband gets a present from him every birthday.)

I am not sure what you can do except gently ask her if she has stuff going on that's affecting her, and mention you noticed she didn't really do Christmas (or say something like that). Maybe she's angry with you and you don't know it.

Come on, it's a shit gift.

My mum and I both enjoy reading but a £2.50 charity shop book is the sort of think I'd bring along on a visit because "I saw this and thought it might interest you", not an entire birthday or Christmas gift.

OP, if your DD was struggling financially or there's some kind of back story between you, that might explain it, but I don't think this is usual behaviour.

When I was in my 20s, my parents weren't badly off but money was tight. I enjoyed the fact that on a professional salary with no dependents I could treat them occasionally, and used to enjoy buying what were quite "big" presents for us and paying for the odd meal out.

That's right - rub salt into the wound for the OP!

😆 I'm just kidding! Hope you're enjoying your food processor!!!!

Yeah that post annoyed me @Kandalama Sick of the ageism on here -(particularly towards older people, as the ageism on here seems to be largely aimed at older people - over 65 anyway!)

@AnnaSewell I bought my DD a Magimix food processor ~£325. She bought me... a t-shirt :-( I still love her.

So, you aren't much of a reader then, OP?

She's not shocked, she is just trying to gauge if it's ok to be disappointed.

No one is expecting you to but no need to make assumptions either.

Yabu. Times are hard for so many now, I have everything I need to I tell my kids not to worry just having time with them is enough. Only 1 is an adult, sometimes he is skint and I'd rather he spent the £10 on fuel to get to work or having a beer with a friend.

Well why is the OP shocked then that her daughter only spent £3 on her for her birthday?

And I didn't see the OP's other thread, because I don't go searching through a poster's posting history. I am responding to her posts here on this thread!!!

👏👏Glad you got there before me Sabrel.

Where has OP said she has a wonderful relationship with her daughter?

If you read OP's other thread, her daughter sounds judgemental and controlling, and she does not send OP a card, let alone a present, on OP's birthday.