To be jealous of rich students

I think you are being U. I went to uni as a single mother, I walked over a mile to get my DS to school carrying a lot of heavy books, got two buses to uni, studied, got one bus back, grabbed a few bits in Iceland, got the second bus , picked him up, walked home, repeat. On Tuesday and Thursday he went to an after school club miles from anywhere, I’d get the bus, pick him up and have to wait another hour for the next bus.
I worked as well.
I never felt resentful of other students, I felt lucky to be going to uni. I didn’t drop out.
I did have to go to the university access fund few times for money towards bills etc, I honestly never thought about the situation of other students.
Those three years were bloody hard.
OP have you thought about a few counselling sessions to talk through your teenage years, this may help.

You can feel that way however hopefully you do not think too much about it. I think it's not beneficial for you to be jealous of something that you cannot get in the first place. It will only consume your mental energy. Their life is their life and you've got a different one. Make the most of your time and opportunity given for you.

I understand how you feel. I had to work through college and struggled to afford the basics. I remember the humiliation of another student buying me a particular pen we needed because I kept borrowing hers. I think I probably overcompensated with my own kids.

In my culture we do not treat our children this way. We support them throughout education because that is such a priority for us. I had a job but that was money for me to mostly save and spend if I needed but my dp parents supported us throughout. I had a good chunk of savings when I was ready to leave home. But that's my culture, I often felt sorry for other kids who had to do what you do op.

Your mum sound quite hypocritical not working but expecting you to work and provide.

@Beupstairsreadymyangel

Try to get it out if your system, get the feelings out and then realise that only you are negatively affected by this.

Have a chat with your mother and say how you felt then?

I would be hugely resentful of your shit parents rather than at rich student whose parents bothered to support them.

If your mum was "skint" then you could have taken the full loan and gone to Uni away from home. The full loan is enough to support a student at all but a few of the most expensive Unis now, and back then would probably have been enough anywhere.

Most students live on the equivalent of the full loan amount, it's just that they aren't entitled to as much loan as the children with "skint" parents so their "not skint" parents have to top up their loan to the amount that the children with "skint" parents get. So their parents aren't generally giving them over and above what the children of worse off parents get, they are just equalising.

It sounds like you've been let down by your parents, but equally you could have made better choices.

The students who are really hard done by aren't the ones with "skint" parents, they're the ones with better off parents who refuse to support them so that they aren't entitled to the full loan amount and don't get the balance from their parents. An entitlement to a full loan is something that many, many students would be hugely grateful for.

Yabu because the only person that resentment is hurting is you.

I finished uni, the last year of the grant system, by which time, the grant paid my halls room and about half my bus ticket. No money for food, books, bills, clothes, socialising. More importantly there were no student loans available, banks wouldn't lend to a student with no income. The choice was work or starve if you didn't have wealthy generous parents.

I worked 30hrs a week and all summers as a barmaid to survive BUT....

I learned to live on very little. I learned to home cook food quickly using ingredients being sold off in Brixton market on a Saturday afternoon. I learnt discipline around money and work. So many skills that made me independent and resourceful. Now in my 60s I still use those skills.

In the last 30 years I've watched dozens of my 'rich kid' cohort go off the rails because no-one was there to do it for them, or they couldn't have their own way. Alcoholism, drug addiction, debt, bankruptcy due to blatantly stupid get-rich-quick schemes. Criminal convictions for driving uninsured or drunk because they thought they were entitled.

So no, I don't feel any resentment. I got my 2:2 which was enough to get me into my chosen career. I was lucky to go. I've paid higher rate tax for 35 years so the govt got their return. I have a good life now. My ds' turn will be next. I expect him to work, although I will give him more help than I had.

Uni isn't the right pathway for some people. A lot of people are ill equipped for the world and it's realities if they have their higher education and associated costs funded by their parents.
My most successful friend came from a very poor background, worked all the way through and has a fantastic career in media for a renowned accountancy body.
My cousins on the other hand, had it all handed to them on a plate, one of them dropped out of uni and just sits on his parents house all day. They don't even make him sign on. His mum keeps wondering why he's so depressed and trying to throw money at it. Offering to pay for him to travel round the world?! But he has no drive or ambition and never will because of his upbringing.

I can absolutely see why you're angry.

But it seems to me that you're putting your anger onto "rich" students because you don't want to put that anger where it belongs... on your parents (and especially your mother) for fucking you over so badly.

I honestly think it would help you to have some psychotherapy to talk through the way your parents treated you. At the moment you are feeling the anger but you're not allowing yourself to identify where it's coming from.

I think your mother was the issue not the university. She appears to have drained you of money for your early adult years. I self funded through the same period, working full time in the holidays and part time term time at low paid jobs and managed to pay my rent and feed myself and have a good uni experience.

OP I get you. I worked in a role visiting university campuses and was shocked seeing students ordering £10 - £15 breakfast orders in Starbucks, or fancy cocktails in the bar, whilst wearing latest clothes, high end tech. I didn’t go to Uni because of lack of money. However like you, not having a degree hasn’t held me back.

can you try to change your jealously for something else? These students are likely to have £50k of debt when graduating and will have a shock when real life hits them.

I was the first year of tuition fees, but students on the same courses who had deferred entry still had grants and no fees. That always stung a bit

I totally get where you’re coming from op. I had to work from the age of 14, I went to college with students who had cars, lovely clothes and were so confident due to the way they had been brought up. I wasn’t able to go to uni as I needed to work to support myself. I’m still angry at my parents who could have made life easier, but insisted that from 16 on I support myself as some sort of life lesson. They didn’t believe in education.

Many in society get a leg up. Life isn't equal for all. Some very rich Swan through Life and are unaware of their privileged position.

You've done well despite not having support. Don't lose sight of that.

There will also be people much worse off with no chance of university at all. Very poor home life's and abuse.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I’d feel more resentful to my parents that they wanted the full loan, while my mum sat on her arse and didn’t work.

most parents move heaven and earth to ensure the best for their parents . I’d never dream of demanding rent while my children /teens were still in full time education at uni.

most teens work throughout their uni years , but the money is for themselves to live on.

*great friends

You can’t tell much about their lives from seeing them in a coffee shop. Some will have everything paid for, great free rinds and will be sailing through academically. Others will have real problems in their lives.

Many, many students have to work now, even with substantial parental support. Student mental health problems are at an all time high. They have had their adolescent years disrupted by covid, so they were unable to enjoy the simple pleasures we took for granted (the Saturday job that gave them pocket money to go out with friends, the seeing friends in person…). Then there are all the usual problems that impact a percentage of any age group: bereavement, relationship woes, money problems, bullying etc.

It is always worth keeping in mind that we never really know what other people are going through.

Oh and even though my dad paid my way through uni, I’m not ‘workshy’, I attended all my lectures, I know the value of money, I have worked my entire adult life bar maternity leaves and have savings and investments.

Where's I couldn't afford to pay my son's rent. It's costs more than the family home. He does get full loan and pays his rent/food/ etc from that. Has a weekend job in uni town pays for extras like car)petrol etc. and a holiday job back home that he saves. money from

And he loves taking him laptop to coffee shops lol

You aren't really jealous of the rich students op, you are angry at your mum and how unfairly she treated you. I don't think you are ready to acknowledge that yet.

The thing is though, how do you know that they’re ‘clueless’ about their privilege? My dad paid my rent through uni and gave me extra money for living. I absolutely knew I was privileged, but strangers in the street wouldn’t know that I knew it 🤷🏻‍♀️. I didn’t go round publicly thanking him to all and sundry. He knew how grateful I was and that’s all that mattered.

It’s not that I don’t sympathise (went to Oxford with only my scholarship which just about covered basics if I worked FT every vac, while some of my college cohort got food deliveries from Fortnum’sand were going to inherit titles/estates), but it’s self-lacerating to blame other people for their privilege).

This is me too. I suggested Uni a few times but my parents always said oh what will you do there? I knew they wouldn’t support me financially Mum stopped work when I was 12 just because she didn’t want to go.
ive worked really hard and put my daughter in an expensive private school and she’s now in her 3rd year of uni. She works but we pay for lots of things for her too and when she moves out we’ll give her 150 a week to help with her rent etc.
I get it OP I’m still pissed off and my 52 🤣

You think because they can sit in a café with their laptop it means they are rich? I went to uni as a mature student, had to pay my way through - no parents' support whatsoever. I had a laptop which was bought on a credit card before starting uni. I went to a café to study because I shared a house with 6 18-20 y/o who partied, listened to music during the day or had loud breakups with their boyfriends. I went to uni during the day and worked nights and weekends. My student loan was just enough to cover a small room rental and I remember spending about £15 on food per week (which in 2015 didn't exactly amount to a full belly either). But yes, I sat in a café with my laptop looking "rich".