MIL on holiday over baby due date

its their fourth child. I bet if you asked the MIL there’s probably a good reason why she wants to be out of the way for it. And no her DH doesn’t need special hand holding for his fourth kid - the OP will be giving birth, not him and it’s not exactly life changing for him if he’s already got 3.

Mil is probably a MNer who has read that mil's aren't allowed to see their grandchildren for at least the first month of them being born as DIL just wants her,baby and partner to establish themselves first or other such bollocks.

🤣you are totally unreasonable to use words such as hubby and bubs
More MN bullshit. You can call them whatever you like. No one here is the word police.

It's not misogyny, it's actually the opposite. Don't think I've ever said this before but this whole thread smacks of misandry. My bar for misandry is high AF too.

None of OPs post say this is about her, it's about her DH & his pain & disappointment. He's being let down by his parent but apparently it doesn't matter cos why? Men shouldn't want/need emotional support? This birth doesn't affect him in any way? He's been needy & pathetic cos his own mother has done something very deliberate to ensure she CANNOT properly support her own child?

A lot of you had distant parents & it shows. This isn't normal just like the whole 'lock yourself away for a month after a baby' thing isn't normal either. Sure, you don't invite yourself but you're on-hand! You're ready to jump if you're wanted or needed cos that's what parenting is even if your kids are adults ffs.

OP understands her DH has feelings & deserve those to be recognised & she's right to want to help him with that. Why is he so unimportant?

So we are expecting our little bubs in June and she asked what the dates were as said she wants to book a holiday across the due date.

I think with the relationship with mil how it is, her going away wouldn't bother me. This bit is weird though. To ring and confirm the due date so she could go away is a little cruel. She was trying to make a point here.
Anyway, try to put mil to the back of your mind and look forward to your little one's arrival. There is no point dwelling on it. Chin up and move on.

Also according to PP this will be your fourth child? She really doesn’t need to be around for it, unless your real disappointment is you were expecting your other children to stay with her.

I do suspect you have both taken the piss a bit in her past around childcare, hence her making a very obvious statement that she’s not going to be here.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all - every family is different and I do think a certain type of close family relationship you could expect to be there.
It sounds like the emotions are coming from a bigger change of her seeing less of the family, with this just being a more extreme example.
What's the MIL and FIL relationship like, is he a bit controlling?
I agree with you your hubby definitely should still let MIL know about the birth - that's not the way for him to communicate he's hurt, by hurting her feelings. Could you encourage him to go for a day out with her and talk about how he's feeling?
And congrats!!!!

I'd have given her later due dates as she specifically stated that she wanted to go on holiday when the baby was ddue. I'd have also made myself unavailable when she really needed me as well. People like your mil like to take but not give anything so they occasionally need to be taught a lesson.

The biggest issue here is that her sons have an issue with her withdrawal from their family life but aren't talking to her about it. I wouldn't let mumsnet put them off from doing so. Instead if I was her child I would speak to her in general about it and listen to her point of view. I wouldn't raise going away over the birth but speak more about the fact that she is withdrawing. You've said she remarried but where is their dad in all of this?

My mil was a great mum to her boys but when grandchildren came announced that she had done her bit raising children and aside from the odd bottle wasn't going to do any babysitting etc. She wanted to enjoy her life with fil and do all kinds of trips they coyldnt afford to do when raising their boys. Sadly fil got taken away from us too soon and instead she does those trips on her own.That is her choice and we respect her for it.

In your situation it's slightly more complicated because her sons don't know if it is down to her or her husband or a misguided belief that this is what you would all prefer. Instead of withdrawing himself he should speak calmly to his mum and find out where she is coming from. If she just wants to enjoy her own bubble with her dh then that is fine and ought to be respected. If she's backing off because she reads mumsnet posts and that's what mil's are 'supposed' to do then they gently tell her this isn't what they want. If her dh is controlling her then they offer help. Your dh and his brothers won't know unless they speak to her though.

Again, she doesn't live near them. She was never going to be there for the birth. She will meet the baby at a later time, the same as if she had stayed home twiddling her thumbs.

Your MIL is making the point that she doesn’t want to be looking after your other children whilst you give birth.

I do agree that families should help each other out, but she is entitled to not want to provide childcare.

What is the history around childcare? Especially when your other children were born?

Also, this isn’t your first child - even if childcare wasn’t the reason, it’s very different from having a first child so she doesn’t need to be hanging around waiting for news.

I’m sorry I think maybe some of the responses is it was difficult to work out what your grievance was in the op.
but you expressed it later on - understandably unhappy your m’n’law has deliberately avoided the birth timing.
I suspect she is wanting your hubby to ask her why. Could she be jealous your mum is coming to stay and she has not been invited? It sounds so odd to ask the birth date and then book a holiday - screams of seeking attention to me. You both have a very good reason to be upset.

Mother in laws can't win. It's the misogyny of it, and people aren't seeing that.

Why? She doesn't live near them. She isn't needed. What is the point of her sitting at home waiting?

No, on the OP's other thread she says she's expecting her fourth.

@Nushyboots in your post you didn’t mention what your expectations were of your MIL around the time of the birth? Maybe you were hoping she could help with older children, or just that she would be excited enough to want to be around to see the newborn?

What is also a little confusing is the fact that she checked the due date with your husband, and then booked her holiday to co-incide with the birth! And then told him that is what she did! Some people want to give new parents space, but you can do that without booking a holiday! Or is it that she doesn’t want to help you out at all, so is ensuring that she will not be around at that time and letting you know now?

Becomes a parent? This is his fourth child. He's not a nervous new dad.

It would be interesting to know what happened with MIL during and after the other births.

Explain more about the trouble stirring

@Fargo79 she said hubby is really pissed off about them taking a third holiday this year. It wasn't a causal mention.

Hubs and bubs 🙄 Give me strength!

PFB nonsense. Your "hubs" should stop counting how his mother is spending her money (3 holidays in retirement! The TEMERITY!!) and be grateful she has a happy fulfilled life.

Human beings have these things called emotions. So when your parent isn't interested in you, it's not as simple as "that's that". It's very normal for there to be an emotional response to that abandonment.

Casually noting that someone has had 3 holidays is not "clingy" or "high maintenance". What a silly connection to make.

Eh? I think you have the wrong poster.
I said no such thing.