MIL on holiday over baby due date

Congratulations on your pregnancy but I think you're being a little unreasonable in expecting her to be on standby as some pregnancies can (and do ) go on for up to 2 weeks after the due date.
Could her husband be the reason she's distancing herself? Badly controlled diabetes can mean he's "needing" her to attend lots of appointments and she's concerned he might have a hyper glycaemic episode.
Hopefully after the birth (and the holiday) she will be a happy,loving ....if slightly hands off....Granny.

It’s there fourth child…

I wonder if she's realised she's just not a grandmotherly type (possibly not a maternal type, either) and doesn't have any interest in babies or small children? The withdrawing in general could suggest that.

By being away over the due dates, baby will still be newborn by the time she returns.

Birth isn't a spectator sport and it's common for it to be days or into weeks before any individual family comes to meet baby anyway. The chances are that she's still easily contactable, we've moved past the payphone and internet cafe eras.

MiL lived in another country so booked her flights after baby was born timed to come and support at the end of paternity leave for a couple of weeks of additional support which was generous, appeciated and very helpful. There was no detriment to the relationship because she hadn't met her grandchildren in the first few hours. We had other friends and family visit before then and it was good having a steady trickle in the early weeks rather than everyone coming at once.

It's understandable that with a husband with a volatile health condition that she wants to enjoy the good times with him while it's logistically viable. June is a desirable month for retirees to go away for weather and term time prices. To delay for weeks until out of the newborn stage could cost ££££ more.

The whole world doesn't revolve round you and your DH. I agree this is probably why they are distancing themselves a bit. You both sound like hard work. They don't need your permission to go on holiday. Ridiculous!

I'm due a baby this summer. I'd be disappointed if my mam chose that same time to go on holiday. I understand why your husband is upset about it.

I really don’t understand these strange replies at all!

It would unthinkable to book a holiday when a baby is due in our family. Such a huge family event when a baby is born, of course your dh wants his mother present for such a momentous occasion in his life.

I don’t think your dh should avoid the conversation he needs to have. What is the issue? Why has she chosen to do this? She is your only living grandparent that is based in this country, it would be better to get to the bottom of it. Is she worried about being roped in to do childcare? Is she ill?

Have a gentle discussion about your observations with her - and then if she continues after that to pull back then you know you done your best, and the relationship will fade.

My guess is she wants to distance herself from someone who uses the words 'bubs' and 'hubby' 😳

Could she be in an abusive relationship? Withdrawing from family and friends is a classic sign.

However she may just be more invested in her new relationship.

I really don't understand some people who think this is a non issue. It's like someone asking when your birthdays, wedding, operation or any other specific event is and then saying 'great, I'll make sure to book my holidays so I'm not around because hell knows I don't want to be around when you have any events in your life^^ '

If that's not a weird snub from a mum o don't know what is.

Hubby? Little bubs? Jeez.really??

I don’t see the big deal, she’s not the one giving birth, so she’s free to go where she ants and it’s not like she won’t see the baby

Because she is specifically selecting her holiday to be when baby is born. She's not booking random holidays. She asked when the due date was so she could make sure she was away. That's flipping weird.

I think its a very strange to actually ask for the dates to make sure she was away. That's not what a loving parent normally does.
As she still messages frequently and wants to be involved that way I would be a little worried that her husband is exhibiting some kind of controlling behaviour.

You don't think it's weird for MIL to ask for due dates so she can SPECIFICALLY book to be away over that period? That's weird. She's got all the time in the world but wants to know when baby is due so she can make sure she is intentionally not around? She actively WANTS to be away when baby is born. Weird

But saying that, I do understand that the DH and OP would be disappointed. That’s a really normal response - I just wouldn’t attribute it to bad motives on MIL’s part.

@Americano75 yup, so often people often just have their own stuff going on. And we interpret stuff through our on lens. We assume we have a clear read on other peoples actions, when we rarely ever do.

It’s such a weird dynamic in the OP’s DH’s family that MIL has a husband with badly managed diabetes, that MIL is becoming withdrawn, and the brothers are annoyed and making it all about them.

Coming at it from a slightly different angle. She didn’t go away but mil (who lives half an hour away) didn’t visit her new first grandchild for a whole week. I thought this was really odd at the time- my own parents had much further to travel and came like a shot.

years on and she’s a fantastic involved grandmother. Dh later explained that at the time she wanted to give us space to get to know the baby without being stressed about visitors. In hindsight that was really thoughtful!

Christ on a bike, I WISH my overbearing MIL had buggered off on holiday instead of demanding regular updates on the state of my cervix during my incredibly stressful and long induction!

I'm sorry you're disappointed OP but honestly I don't think this is a Thing, you could get a chance to bond as a little family, she can meet your beautiful baby when she's back.

OP can call them whatever she wants. Equally anyone reading about "hubby" and "bubs" can read the posts and decide they don't care what this poster is complaining about , they're on the side of whoever is being complained about.

Yeah, I feel like there's a bigger picture here.

I completely understand how your husband feels. Booking a holiday purposely over the due date is odd. If it happened that they were away it would be different. But to plan it is a bit strange.
My parents had booked to go away a month before my due date, which obviouslywas fine, but i was poorly and my son had to come early. Just before they went. He was 5 weeks early and i was in a bad way and almost had life changing surgery. They still went. At the time i didn't see an issue, my sister however was so cross with them. But she stepped up for me and i will never forget it. It made us closer, as it will with your mum x
Your MIL is the one who will miss out.

You and your "hubby" have your lives, soon to have your "bubs".
She's got her own.
Good for her.

YABU, since covid they have decided to live their life. You DH and his brothers are grown adults. She will see the baby when she gets home. I feel 100% qualified to answer this as my mum was on holiday when my 2nd was born. I was happy she was having a good time and she sent me a message of the celebrating with the whole hotel when my youngest was born. Your husband is totally unreasonable that his mum cant live her own life