MIL on holiday over baby due date

MIL's husband sounds controlling. Abusive men try to make you miss important events.

Good for you. There's no one so disapproved of as a woman doing exactly what she pleases. Funnily enough, men rarely come in for the same flack and they usually do what they please.

That's your choice - enjoy! It's too easy for women to get stuck in a caring rut and suddenly their life is over and that's it and they've given everything they've got to other people. But, on the other hand, older people, even mums, are capable of being selfish arseholes, just like anyone else. Everyone's situation is different.

Sorry, but you are self absorbed, OP. Though a new baby feels momentous for you, you can't expect it to be that big a deal for other people. You and your baby are not the centre of the universe with everyone orbiting around you.

YABU using the term "little bubs". 😠

Holiday? Surely you mean holibobs? 😆

Exactly. She could easily have said, 'we're going to go away, give you some peace & look forward to meeting baby when we're back & your settled'

I get where you're coming from OP.

My MIL informed us, a week before my due date, that she had booked a last minute holiday and she was leaving on the due date.

My husband visibly turned as white as a sheet. He asked her why she would do this when her first grandchild was about to be born and she replied that first pregnancies are always a fortnight late.

MIL met her grandson when he was 15 days old. My husband has never forgiven her. He assumed she was as excited as we were about the baby.

MIL then went to live abroad and missed our three children's childhoods. She said that she'd be able to spend more quality time with the grandchildren while she was abroad because she would send them plane tickets every school holiday. It never happened. We were never invited and when she came back to visit approximately every other year she would spend half an hour with us moaning about the weather and then disappear.

She came back to the UK a couple of years ago - our children now have their own children and she wonders why no one wants anything to do with her.

We've heard that she bad mouths all her family to anyone who will listen.

"little bubs" - what???

This is more letters than 'baby'

My mum did this too…or tried to. I can't believe we actually brought forward an elective CS so that she was around (for a day) before she went abroad for a month.

As I read this, I wondered if MIL’s husband is controlling and trying to isolate her from her children. Just a thought.

Hubby and bubs - give me strength. Your husband is being totally unreasonable.

A whole lot of projection going on!

Yes, I’ll put my hands up to that. My last birthday was a revelation, I suddenly realised just how few years I have left on this planet and that those in good health will be even fewer. So I’m going to spend them pleasing myself. I’ve done parenting, I’ve done caring daughtering and it’s my turn to be a bit selfish now. I hope OP’s mil has reached the same conclusion.

Where does she say that? I can only see a reference to a daughter from a previous marriage.

@burnttoad

she can’t expect to have support when she is really old? Are you forgetting all the years she’ll have given to her kids when they were little.

you don’t have to be grandparent of the year to deserve some support and not be chucked in a home no contact as so many people on here advocate it their parents don’t commit to endless childcare on tap.

OP should explain how much childcare MIL has done in the past for her other DC, and what happened to the children during her other births. She’s making a point she won’t be looking after OP’s other children and that’s what’s key here. Has OP and her DH taken the piss in the past, or is MiL simply not interested in being that involved.

she's deliberately using one of the biggest events of your DH's life to hurt him.

Come on! It’s his fourth child.

Loads of posters on MN always jump to the defence of mothers/mothers-in-law of adult children, no matter how unpleasant they sound. A whole lot of projection going on!

How does she sound 'fab'?! Going on holiday is an extremely low bar for what 'fab' constitutes.

I don't understand why she deliberately booked a holiday over the due date - that just seems a really weird thing to do. It's one thing not crowding new parents, but this seems like she's making a statement that she doesn't want any involvement with this child at all.

Your MIL is really weird and passive aggressive.

It's fine to be away over the due date. My dad had holiday already booked and I never would have expected him to cancel. Five days makes no difference at all.

What's really nasty is asking for the due date and deliberately going away then. Horrible. Like she doesn't care about going away when convenient she just wants to make sure she's not in the county when her grandchild is born. That's really awful and I couldn't forgive in a hurry.

Unless there is a massive backstory and you and DH have form for cheeky fuckery, she's deliberately using one of the biggest events of your DH's life to hurt him.

Some of these replies are so weird. If she can go away any time specifically booking a holiday when your baby is due seems really really weird to me. Not saying I’d expect her to be there every second but being away on purpose feels like a weird power play.

I would if I had the type of DIL who would say no MIL for a week or two, as so many new mums seem to do now, then have her own mum round for cuddles every day. I would want to be far away so I didn't feel so hurt.

Something has gone on for her to distance herself this way and be so brazen about it.

Great! She should go ahead and book it.

What I struggle with is why she would feel the need to make sure her son was crystal clear that she was choosing these dates specifically to be on holiday when his child is born.

Plus most adults of middle age or over haven't the physical resources, even if they're in good health, to be taking care of babies and toddlers.

You are being a little precious over the due date. You need to put that aside and focus on the bigger picture that does not seem to have occurred to you or your DH. Growing isolation from previously close family members is a massive red flag for a controlling, possibly abusive relationship. That would be my concern here.