MIL on holiday over baby due date

I suspect there was a reason to make a big statement necessary.

Interpreted this way it does seem weird and hurtful. But hard to tell from the OP what the MIL really meant. She hasn't explicitly stated she's booking her holidays so she doesn't see the baby.
Personally I wouldn't hold it against her. Imo your DH and his siblings are overreacting and expecting a lot of unnecessary involvement from their mum. Wonder if there's a guilt tripping element to their relationship as well, hence her starting to withdraw. Could be so many personal reasons though - she is human and has a life of her own afterall, which doesn't have to revolve around children and grandchildren.

I would imagine that the fact that you ‘ couldn’t give a toss’ probably has been picked up on by MIL and she has decided to withdraw to a distance she feels comfortable with.

Maybe you were all a bit thick before new husband came along and she has now decided to draw up some boundaries.

I find it interesting that you mentioned she didn’t know your own mother was coming to stay when she booked the holiday. Maybe you have made it quite clear in the past what the pecking order is with regards to your own mother and she decided to take herself out of the situation to give you some space at what is a very emotional time.

I’m a MIL to son in laws and I try very hard to give space and respect to the other MIL’s as daughters quite often (naturally) gravitate towards their own mothers.

As a MIL despite your best efforts sometimes you can’t do right or wrong 🤷🏼‍♀️

🤣🤣🤣

What does the son need support at the hospital for, he's not giving birth.

Also please let me know where I can get one of these MIL, mine is forever fussing, won't leave us alone (despite having plenty of kids and lots of grandchildren), always interfering, drives us crazy.

@Nushyboots OMG what a sulky response. Both of you need to adult a bit more and stop putting weird expectations on other people to be heavily involved in the decisions you have made as a couple. You are VVVVV unreasonable.

OP addressed the childcare issue upthread.

Ah I see it differently. She could have made that decision without making A Great Big Statement about the reasoning behind it.

Actually it does appear to be about her decision and that her son (and apparently his equally enmeshed siblings) refuse to accept it. Time to grow up and realize mummy doesn't owe adult offspring constant 'support'.

and possibly her DH is trying to protect her from becoming so hurt again, and possible rejection/criticism of any help or support, etc- and feels it is best for them to be away this time and let them getting on with it . Protecting her from more hurt rather than controlling.

This, can't bloody win lol 😁
She's probably thinking "I'll have a holiday and not crowd them the first few days, they'll want to get settled and don't want me barging in trying to take over, I'll leave a few days then go round to meet and for cuddles."

Interprets as "beeatch doesn't even care, WTF that's it I'm done. Cow "😂
As I said, can't win 😁

Great. Good for her.

But this isn't about the decision, is it? It's about making sure her son is left in no doubt about why she's chosen these dates.

I am SO glad you raised this because literally NO ONE in the preceding 320-odd posts had mentioned it.

(There's actually an interesting phenomenon about groups and group signifiers that plays out on this stuff where a group will accept one set of terminology and cast out as unacceptable another set as belonging to the "out" group. When objectively the DH/DC/DP/DfuckingDog language is no more or less twee than hubby/bubs etc - but the group embraces one and rejects the other.)

YANBU - my family and my partners family were all on pins when it was close to my due date. Even though they wasn’t coming to the hospital during labour etc, they wanted to be close by to offer help and support. Especially my partners mum, she wanted to be there to support her son during an exciting moment. She dropped off meals to the front door, done dishes, laundry etc.

So yes I’d be upset if my mum booked a holiday on my due date.

mil doesn’t agree with the 4th child I suspect, and can’t openly voice her displeasure so this is a PA way of doing so.

Why might she not agree op? Are you struggling financially? Is her son working every hour? Is it already a chaotic house?

I suspect that the previous three births influenced her decision not to be around for the fourth.

YABU for using "bubs" and "hubby"

Cringey! 😖

Have you let FIL know that you think his health issues are of his own making? You know… with the not managed well diabetes?
I think there was some entirely unnecessary judgement in that statement I’d guess they may have picked up a vibe of you being a self absorbed, judgemental and insufferable pain in the ass.

That's one of the most sensible suggestions I've seen on this thread. The potential for her husband being a controlling man is the one thing about this that concerns me.

Honestly, I think that post is more helpful than the dozens of posters who are sneering at her language choices.

Another one suggesting that DH and his siblings look very carefully at the dynamics of MIL and her husband's relationship, OP. She might be simply motivated to enjoy her retirement now that her children are adults, or she might have a controlling DH who is gradually isolating her from her support network. It's impossible to say but you / DH should keep an eye on it.

Agree. I hope she enjoys life and all her holidays.

Agreed, she should have made it clear. And OP should and DH should have talked to her and discussed why, instead of coming on MN and getting all ariated.

From generation to generation, on and on and on some more- we all want to avoid mistakes made by our own parents- and do things differently. Fair enough- but it goes round and round, and nobody has the common sense to talk about feelings and just quietly say how they feel and ask others the same.

When OP becomes the MIL, she probably will hover around like crazy to make up for the above- and drive her AC and dil or sil bonkers.

I get this. It's not the idea that she is going on holiday and won't be there for the birth. It's the fact she specifically asked for your due date and made a point of telling you that she had purposefully booked to go away precisely on that date and the days around it. It feels like it was done to make a point and draw attention to the fact that she was going away. If she'd just had a holiday booked and hadn't asked about the due date and hadn't followed up to tell you that she chose to go away exactly then, then it wouldn't be an issue. It feels like it was done to be intentionally hurtful.