MIL on holiday over baby due date

Of course it's a kick in the teeth to her son to effectively tell him that not only is she not interested in the birth of his child but that she is actively ensuring she is not going to be anywhere near when it happens.

Or she can't cope with no longer being the primary mother figure iyswim. Honestly I suspect she's doing you all a favour. Doesn't sound like she'd behave the way you want even if she was there.

she is steadily withdrawing from her grandchildren's lives

Then let her. Kicking off about it won't change anything. She knows what she's doing. Perhaps she feels she wants some freedom now to travel, after raising her kids? Perhaps she feels unwanted. Perhaps she's not really thought about it, but is just being involved as she wants to be.

It's not unusual for grandparents to love the idea of being a grandparent more than the reality.

Your husband is being a bit bizarre and entitled, and it might be worth talking through why he feels as he does. What other expectations does he have of his mum? Why does he feel she should pause her life for this? It's very exciting for you - it's a much loved grandchild for her, but one that will still be there when she's back, and perhaps she'd have preferred not to have visitors in the first 5 days when her children were born? It's not uncommon to not have anyone visit for at least a week or so now. My midwife recommended two!

It seems impossible for a mother/mil to get it right, they are too pushy, shouldn't be there for a week/fortnight/month so the little family can bond, or on the other hand they couldn't careless, don't offer to springclean the house, cook cordon bleu meals and hover constantly in case the proud new parents have any other commands.

It is odd to specifically book a holiday at the same time as your due dates. I wouldn't say it was unreasonable - unless she had previously agreed to be on hand to look after other children/pets etc.

But it's unreasonable on your part to be complaining about the number of holidays they are taking. I am in my 60s now and very aware that my years on this planet are decreasing. I am not currently retired, but when I am I would be annoyed if my family begrudged me enjoying my retirement.

Given the sheer volume of parents to be that have posted, on here, about wanting their parents/in laws to fuck off for months after the birth, I find your post rather refreshing .

It's odd that your in laws are going away but I suspect that the feel that they don't want to be in the way.

I can't see what the problem is personally. But I don't like loads of people rushing round right after I've given birth, so I'd be happy with with people coming a little later.

What reason did she give for wanting to book a holiday over your due date? This seems a little bit weird on her part. Like she's trying to make a point about something? Has she been excluded from seeing a grandchild straight after they were born before?

Update doesn’t really change anything, OP. Sounds like DH and his DB liked her being around for them primarily, and resent her life with her DH.

I wouldn’t take kindly to anyone telling me I had been on enough holidays already this year.

Oh come on. It's obviously not the fact the mil is going on holidays at that time that is the issue. It's the fact she specifically asked for the due date so she could make sure she is away at the time of the birth. Of course it's a kick in the teeth to her son to effectively tell him that not only is she not interested in the birth of his child but that she is actively ensuring she is not going to be anywhere near when it happens.

I suspect there is a huge backstory here about MIL always being emotionally distant and DH always trying to do something to feel validated.

I can see why it's annoying. My ILs went on holiday when DC1 was born, and them being away causes a lot of stress.

DC ended up needing emergency surgery, and they were getting irate that we didn't answer the phone the second they called for an update, and we would come out after hours in NICU to 20 missed calls and arsey phone messages, and then they never answered when we were available to call back. It really damaged their relationship with my DH, tbh.

It is very strange that she asked for your due date and then made sure she wasn't around. In light of what else you've said about her drawing away from everyone maybe it's time to have a little chat to see if all is well.

Good luck for the birth x

Does your husband and his siblings get on with their mother’s husband? Is that the reason for the growing distance?

Do you need them to look after an older child ?

Sounds like they were all totally enmeshed, Mum has now withdrawn to a normal distance and they can't deal with it. They need to process it and stop getting annoyed with her.

I really don't see the issue. I don't know why you need her around? She'll see you when she's back?

YABU on 3 counts:

1. "Hubby"
2. "Bubs"
3. Why can't the poor woman go on holiday? People on here usually coomplain about the MIL muscling in too soon after the birth, but this kind MIL is going to give the new family some space and privacy when they most need it. She sounds fab!

You are the only person I've ever heard of who actually wanted their MIL around 😂

Is it yur first or we're yo hoping she would do childcare?

I think the REAL issue is that your DH is feeling left out and unloved by his mum after she has remarried and feels that she should be more involved and interested in this massive thing in his life.

What did you need her around for? Babysitting siblings? Family photo opportunities for social media?

I think it’s a bit strange specifically booking a holiday to be away for a grandchild’s birth. Fair enough if it was already booked or this was the only date that suited.Though given the amount of threads complaining about overbearing MILs I’m sure many would love this.

In my family it was considered good manners and the kind thing to do to not crowd new mother and baby immediately, but to keep slight distance, though available if needed, until the new parents were ready and settled at home, and wanting to invite others in. I don't get deliberately going on holiday though.

🤣you are totally unreasonable to use words such as hubby and bubs . Your mums going to be there … so what’s the problem ?