MIL on holiday over baby due date

This will be you and DH’s fourth child, is that right?

I do also think that makes a difference, sorry.

Haha yes, that was honestly one of the most ridiculous threads I've ever seen on here!

OP, chill, honestly. Its really not a big deal, wish them a pleasant holiday, they will meet baby once they're back. Sorted.

I do think if they’re both acting in the same and their behaviour has changed they are pulling back for a reason.

Maybe she doesn't want to get in the way? could be a communication issue. You need to ask her what her thinking is from a caring position to make sure she doesn't feel unwanted.

If they want to withdraw from their grandchildrens lives, that is their decision to make. But they'll reap what they sow in later life. Focus on those who wish to be present in your lives.

Does your DH not have friends in case he needs support? I’d have thought most people would’ve formed their own networks by adulthood and not expect mummy to be at their beck and call. She’s entitled to have her own life, and as unpalatable as it might be to you, she’s done her parenting, she isn’t obliged to be interested in her grandkids

Another one not seeing the issue. Theyre enjoying their precious time together. They are away a few days

I’m actually quite surprised by the replies on this thread. It
would never occur to me to go on holiday over my daughter’s due date. I’d want to be close if something went wrong, for a start.

Are you teenagers / disabled / have additional needs? If not then I can’t see what the issue is. Or if your MIL is the named midwife (as suggested above - hilarious 😆)

My PIL were on holiday during the due date / birth of my first born as they assumed we’d want a little bit of space for a week.

OP, can you have a gentle and open conversation with your MIL and find out what her thinking is

LOL! 😂 Maybe OP should, gently, keep her nose out of other peoples decisions to not be available when her DIL shouts “jump”.

MIL is old enough to make her own decisions. She doesn’t need to be interrogated!

Don’t forget is stealing quality time by offering to babysit and encouraging me to “get some rest” but won’t clean my house!

Goodness! My Mum declined a holiday to be sure not to miss my due date.

I know lots of MNers have IL issues and keep relatives at arms length around birth, but there are also those of us who were so excited and proud and couldn’t wait to show off our babies to our own Mums and Dads.

I would have been gobsmacked and confused had my parents deliberately gone on hol for due date.

OP, can you have a gentle and open conversation with your MIL and find out what her thinking is?

My own parents were away on holiday on the due date of my first/their first GC (not deliberately to be fair - they booked it over 7 months in advance & I had wanted to wait until the 12 week tests before telling anyone so they didn't find out I was expecting until after they'd booked the holiday and would have lost the deposit had they cancelled). I was a little bit upset at the time but in retrospect it was a blessing. My parents worry about everything (baby having hiccups, by way of example) & as the birth wasn't straightforward the fact that they weren't contactable (away on a cruise) meant that I didn't have to manage their anxieties on top of my own. I can understand why your husband is upset. Its not the holiday as such, its that they deliberately booked it to avoid being there which, well disinterested is one thing but actively avoiding a big life event of someone you thought loved you is going to hurt. I don't think that he's being unreasonable. I don't really have any advice I'm afraid. Its very odd though the change in behaviour. You can change priorities/focus without actively snubbing people. Perhaps her husband is sicker than she's said, and she can't cope with anything else on top-even good things? We saw my in laws much less than usual in the first few months after DC1 was born. When DC1 was about 5/6 months old they told us that FIL had been diagnosed with cancer and I now think that he must have been undergoing diagnosis at that time so they had a lot on their plate plus didn't want to worry us.

It seems maybe both are less on hand now they’ve got each other, and the holidays are maybe them trying to extricate from the situation.

maybe they want space and less obligation from all their kids.

maybe they want to be less relied on.

I understand.

it just gives off a general “I don’t give a fuck” vibe. My parents and in-laws have several grandchildren between them and neither set would have dreamed of being away for the birth. Neither set was overbearing or intrusive, either.

It’s almost like there is a middle ground between “banging down the delivery room doors” to deliberately jetting off on holiday to avoid the birth.

apologies if that makes me self absorbed/unreasonable/silly/selfish

You asked. Many families don't operate like yours and are perfectly healthy and happy. You aren't actually sorry so the 'apologies' are just PA. Why? People just have very different relationships.

She's moving the goalposts. But to a completely normal place. The boys will need to learn to process that.

And you asked who a DH would turn to for a shoulder. My DH would talk to me, his sister, his best friend, his other best friend. I would talk to DH, my best friend, my cousin, my other friends. And my mum, but she's not by any measure the only one.

Not sure why it matters. My parents were in America on holiday when I had my second baby and no-one gave it a thought.

Sounds wonderful! I can’t see what the problem is. Why do you need her to see you and the baby the minute you’ve given birth?

I get it and understand why your husband is upset.

My mother did similar. Had booked a holiday and was due to fly out two days after I gave birth.

For context, both sets of parents lived 2 hours away. My in laws visited straight away, but my mother said " why would we travel up, we're flying out in two days!". I never felt so lonely and unimportant to be honest. I'm sad that I never had any of my family visit me in hospital for any of my children's births, yet the in laws always made a huge effort. It grated even more over the years, as more grandchildren arrived, and seeing the effort my parents made to visit my multiple sister in laws babies.

Maybe your MIL is a mumsnetter - and thought it best if she make herself scarce, for a while, after the birth of her DGC, in case she had an urge to hold the baby.

Your mum-in-law is entitled to live life as she chooses BUT when she makes a point of saying 'When's the baby due so I can make sure I'm away' she is going to drive a wedge between herself and her son.

I think you just need to accept this is how it is and act accordingly.

Hmmm. Large tight family here, I think she's trying to help.

She is preemptively expecting you will need some time, and hopefully can come later.

It's one less thing for DH to juggle, manage, try and fit in if you don't feel up to visitors.

I had two babies in covid, DH was not even there for one, so I really wouldn't be concerned about this.

He needs to take her out and just have a conversation with her.

maybe she’s trying not crowd you during pregnancy and birth as from the posts in here most new mums are spitting blood if their MIL even suggests visiting too soon after baby is born. so she is just fleeing the scene.

either way, your DH needs to address how he is feeling with her head on rather than bottling it up and being upset she’s not a mind reader.

he should be upset she’s enjoy her retirement by holidaying. It’s weird.