MIL on holiday over baby due date

Where the hell are people getting this being OPs fourth pregnancy from? She hasn't said anything to that effect?

So we are expecting our little bubs in June and she asked what the dates were as said she wants to book a holiday across the due date. I gave her the date, she then messaged hubby and said she has booked holiday across due date with 5 days either side being away

If she wanted to be away when you gave birth she could have asked the dates and then said "oh dear we have a holiday booked for that time" and then went off and booked the holiday 😂but instead she literally told you she wanted to be away for it and then went and booked. Bizarre.

It sounds like she wants you to ask why she did that.

Actually 80% of births come in that exact time frame.

Maybe her other daughters-in-law did not want around for their births and banned her from the event. Maybe she is doing this to protect herself.

As you live some distance from your MIL I don't see why her maybe being on holiday when you have your baby ( few come on their due dates) will stop your husband contacting her if he wants unless she's camping in the middle of nowhere. This sounds more healthy than chomping at the bit to see the baby and making the birth all about her.

So she asked the dates to make sure she would be out of the country. Well her choice and can understand how your husband and his siblings feel about her withdrawal.

What needs to be addressed is why.

If they are also doing that with SFinL's family too, could it be that its him that driving this not her? Is she being controlled, isolated, abused? Does she actually want this? These are all questions that need to be answered.

Is this your fourth child? If so that makes a difference.

Also where is his Dad in all of this? Why so much pressure on his Mum?

And if there is a concern why is no one checking in on her to make sure she's ok? This seems to be all about what her kids need from her.

YABU for using hubby and bubs

Your husband is a grown man - if he is unhappy with his mother over her behaviour towards him, he needs to sit down with her and have the difficult conversation and tell her how he feels.

I think DH should look at it like his mum worked hard being a mum which is no easy job. Now it’s time for her to enjoy life and sometimes it doesn’t always fit with eveyone’s else’s timetable. Sometimes she has to put her R and R time first.

Why does it matter? If my MIL was on holiday for the birth I’d be quite happy!

She's giving you space as a new mum and new family. She also knows you have your own mum there. She's gone through this all herself and so she might know a thing more than you. Sitting in a maternity pad, sleep deprived and leaking milk wasn't my favourite inlaw occasion.

Unless you had expressed a desire for her to provide specific help during or immediately after the birth she's not being unreasonable.

Have I got this right. She has deliberately booked to go away when the baby is due? What a very odd thing to do. I'd be a bit upset if she was my mum too

Just ignore the responses mentioning "hubby" and "bubs". It's not even relevent to the story and so why people feel the need to comment is beyond me. I agree it's strange that she would specially choose to go away. You would think she would want to be closer not further away at that time. I get why your husband is upset. It's odd

MILs really can’t win. If they want to be around for the birth they are interfering and if they go away they are being uncaring. You've got your own Mum. There’s plenty of time later for MIL to get to know the baby.

Yes, another good possibility.

And using 'bubs'? Ugh! The MIL is probably making sure she's not around to be wrong whatever she does which is usually the MN perception of the father's mother!

It's almost like mumsnet is made up of a bunch of different people who want different things. Crazy, huh.

She did buy me a whole case of San Pellegrino as a baby gift @Caerulea so all was forgiven.

She was a great MIL if a little pushy.

Hubby. Bubs.
U ok hun?

Haha I can imagine there was a perverse pleasure in that.

Fgs. Most of Mumsnet complaining that parents are around too much at this time, and now another one complaining that mil isn't on constant standby.

So many expectations...

Why can't the poor woman be away when your baby is due? I'm sorry but you giving birth doesn't mean the world has to stop, and considering the number of posters on MN who don't want their ILs anywhere near their precious newborn for at least a year it's laughable that yours aren't even allowed to be away for a few days.

Some people have parents and ILs living in other countries, who don't see their grandchild until years after it has been born.

Also, they can have a holiday every other week if they want - why should your "hubby" be pissed off about it. Talk about self absorbed!!

My in-laws flew in, uninvited. More fool them because DD was more than two weeks late and their flight home was booked.

I loved my MIL but had no need for her to be in my house waiting.

I dont think the holidays etc is an issue but personally i would feel really upset if my DM decided to purposely book a holiday 5 days either side of a babys birth! It seems very staged to make an impact and I can understand why your DH is upset, especially if she is pulling away from family in general.

What happened with the first baby, did she feel excluded? Is she making a point or protecting herself?