MIL on holiday over baby due date

It seems odd she checked the dates and booked it deliberately over them. I get the hurt. PIL booked a long trip (5 weeks) just before DD was born. Other family members needed help with something, so they pushed the dates back to be away until 2/3 weeks after the due date. They were so excited apparently, wanted constant updates by message but weren't bothered about being in the country to visit. It also felt they prioritised this other relative (DHs aunt) over us. We had to visit them when they got back. In contrast my parents travelled 90 mins after work to visit us in hospital. PIL are still similar; desperate for us to visit to see the grandchildren but then largely ignore them when we are there. I've made my peace with it now (mostly!) as they won't change.

Why?

Most people can't clear the month before and the month after!
That's a bit ott.

Agree . Ridiculous

I wouldn’t see the problem if it was prebooked. But she asked the dates to deliberately be away? That’s so weird.

Poor woman. And heaven forfend any woman trying to live the life she wants!

MILs can't win!!

If she wanted to be around for the birth and straight after for your 'hubby and bubs' (vom), she would be overbearing and interfering. If she stays away, she doesn't care!

Why are you so resentful that they go on holiday? Why should people arrange their lives to suit you?
You do sound like teenagers.

You are having the baby, not your MIL. There's no reason at all why she can't be on holiday.
My DM has taken a whole month off to be there to "help" me when DC2 arrives. I wish she'd go on holiday...I don't need or want anyone pottering around my house. That's me, though.

you don't know when the baby is born. 3 weeks before the EDD to 2 weeks after is the normal 5 week time window.

Why does it matter if it's her 3rd holiday. and why would it matter if she is away on the day the baby is born.

You sound like spoilt 3 year olds. You are going to soon be parents. Grow up FFS!

Could it be a case of expectations being not clear? Can you say to her ‘I / DH would really like you to be there for the birth?’, if that’s what you want? I can see why she might think that her holiday is well timed because often people explicitly don’t want any visitors for the first week after birth, not even those they are close to.

I can't understand why anyone thinks it's normal for a grandparent to deliberately book time away when their grandchild is due to be born.

At least you know when she will be visiting and it lets you know to expect the bare minimum from her.

Its not a huge deal that she won’t be there from what you’ve said, but quite (very) odd to ask for the due date to specifically book to be away then.
If my kids have babies I absolutely wouldn’t crowd them but I also wouldn’t make the active choice to be out of the country, just in case they needed me for any reason.
Have your husband or his brothers ever actually sat her down and asked her why the change since Covid?

Why is what the OP calls her DH & baby any of your business? I hate this crap, laughing at someone’s choice of pet names. No need at all

My fiancé’s DM is lovely.

what you described still doesn’t sound particularly pleasant to me personally.

People are different. 🤷‍♀️

Maybe OP’s MIL truly didn’t think that her presence mattered or would be appreciated. She may have thought she was doing everyone a favour…

^^This 🙄 100%
Good for her, she’s enjoying having holidays but your DH sounds horribly jealous and controlling.

It is possible that she wants distance.

but it is also possible that she truly though that you didn’t want her there.
Has your DH ever told her that he wants her to be present and appreciates her presence?

It is possible that she noticed certain dynamics due to the pandemic shutdown and decided to make certain changes. Live for herself, only go where she is wanted / appreciated etc.

she asked what the dates were as said she wants to book a holiday across the due date

she may have wanted her DH to tell her that he would prefer her to be there… this may sound childish. But your DH’s reaction suggests that this kind of behaviour may be a bit of a modus operandi on that side of the family…

edit: I would not want my in-laws (or most of own family) “hanging” around during my due date. Many other people on this thread clearly feel the same. It is honestly possible that she thought that her being on holiday would be best for everyone / would be appreciated by you as well.

I htink your MiL realised over lockdown more than ever that life is fragile and she wants to take it to the fullest- and she does not want to be around for the birth. Maybe she is stressed over it, maybe she thinks you expect her to help out, who knows.

My niece was due end of June and I took 2 weeks off work to be with my sister. My niece was born just before midnight on the Monday I was back in work. That didn't go as planned.

Why would you want your mother in law around at that time? In an ideal world if she is to be of any help it would be after baby is born and Dad back in work.

Minority opinion here, but this would upset me, I think it's how you're brought up, my family wouldn't dream of going away around anyone's due date, and if my mil had deliberately planned a holiday around my due date, to me it would feel like my baby wasn't important enough to be around for the birth, there's 48 other weeks in a year that can avoid the due date period.
I have older children and can't imagine being away for the birth of their children!
Also, feelings are feelings, your husband feels the way he feels, and is entitled to do so.

She’s probably on MN and read about how many women refuse to allow their husband’s family to visit in the first week.