To have avoided the "outstanding" school?

Ofsted has been shown to be completely unfit for purpose so I would consider their ratings with a pinch of salt anyway.

I think a parent's gut instinct about a school is a very important factor for this decision. My MIL (retired teacher) always said that how you feel in a school is critical and how your child feels in that environment and I have found that to be true IME.

I wouldn't worry about his friends if both schools are local at this age.

But peer pressure on parents from other parents, in-laws etc is tough to resist.

I also agree that the one incident you saw may not give you a true picture. But if you're looking for evidence against the preferred alternative then it will loom larger.

It is natural to take this very seriously, it is a big responsibility; but also you sound very lucky to have any choice at all and both choices sound great. There will be pros and cons to both choices so you could just decide it's a win-win.

All the best to you, I empathize!

Having a friend with a SEN child this is quite normal and it may well be the child is overwhelmed and spends time in the classroom and then when he’s overwhelmed (or disruptive) he goes and has some quite time. You can’t tell from one brief interaction

Go to the one that feels right for you. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You get a feel for a place.
I'm a teacher. Worked in a really tough school but when i went for interview it was clear to me that they really cared about pupils and staff. Ofsted were more interested in robots and results though and it's now an academy which is more like a production line of exam results. I no longer work there. I loved the original school.

Your choice but id have probably picked the outstanding school like most of the other parents. Anyway the decision is made now so I wouldn’t over think it, you went with your gut

Right call

school near us is outstanding but the reality is if it doesn’t count towards getting outstanding they have zero interest in it

it’s pressured and driven to this outstanding status not the kids needs

Smoke and mirrors

I worked at an Outstanding school. No way any child of mine would have gone there.

I think your DC will be fine .they make new friends,and even if you
Had chosen the OS school, would not always be with his friends from Nursery.

Another one here who chose the good not the outstanding school, partly because of religion. I hated the feel of the religious school and didn't want my kids doing prayers at lunchtime and having quotes from the Bible on the walls etc. A lot of non religious people don't seem bothered by that but it bothered me. We were happy with the school we chose.

We chose a "requires improvement" school over an outstanding when my oldest entered reception. That school has had loads of investment now in training and support, and was Good at the last Ofsted. We have regretted our choice.

Go with your gut :) My DC are a bit older now (YR 12 and YR 6). My youngest didn't get into the same (outstanding) primary and I was really upset. She was allocated a primary that was "good" (it was my last choice) but in previous years had quite a lousy reputation. I'd not had a chance to go the the open day because of my shift times. At first I was really upset but thought I would give it a year. I'm so glad I did: it's a lovely school. Inclusive, small and the teachers/head are wonderful. She has thrived in that school. I don't doubt she would have thrived at the primary my eldest went to, but I love the school she's at.

I’m very much of the “send DD to the most academic place available” mould. BUT if I saw harsh treatment of a SEN child I would absolutely not be sending my DD to that school.

Academics is important but a nurturing positive environment is also important, I want her to excel academically but I also want to drop her off in the morning to somewhere I’m confident she will be treated kindly. Push comes to shove I’d choose slightly less academic but happy place.

Outstanding schools are often not outstanding in my experience as a) they have been inspected over a decade ago or b) their focus is on filling out all the paperwork and making sure everything is ‘correct’ for Ofsted.

I had to pull my son out of an ‘outstanding’ nursery school due to poor care and awful communication. They were then inspected shortly after I left and given Outstanding again! According to the Ofsted report ever child with SEN has a detailed SEN plan - except mine never did! There are a number of complaint about children being left to cry or left in dirty nappies, etc online.

You did the right thing. I avoided the outstanding school in my town too. It was too pushy and totally wrong for my dd. Been over 18 years since was assessed. Huge bullying problem I heard from other mums. Choose the school that's right for your child

You pick the school that is right for your child. Well done for sticking to your instincts OP.

I went down a different path for my DD too, she is thriving.

When I applied for my elder DDs Secondary place, there was one school that everyone raved about. It was lottery entry, and nearly everybody seemed to want to try.
DH and I hated it. We couldn't really explain it... it just seemed off.

Since then... its been downgraded by ofsted. Staff are leaving. Now GCSE results are being published again... the results are frankly shocking (the Progress score was less than -1).

I don't know anyone who applied in DD2s year.

Sometimes... you need to trust your gut.

I am in the middle of two primary schools. One to the left of our house, one the right both around 1mi away.

One was outstanding and one good. I felt the outstanding rating was from so long ago it wasn’t worth considering, the other school was rated good.

Fast forward to my DS starting and the outstanding school went into special measures as it was finally reassessed. It’s been through 3 headteachers since too.
All sounds a mess.

Glad I stuck to my instinct.

YANBU.

’Outstanding’ is an overrated term, mostly to do with how well the school is with paperwork. Good schools are perfectly fine.

No way would I send my kids to faith schools either.

I made the mistake of sending ds to an outstanding faith school. It was where he was horrifically bullied & the staff denied he was being bullied even when I showed them pictures of the handprints on his neck where another pupil tried to strangle him. It was also the school that when I went to give them a copy of his autism diagnosis the teacher threw it in the bin in front of me & denied there was anything wrong with him, the school refused to allow the Autism in Education come in to show them the changes they needed to make to allow him to learn & refused to fund the educational psychologist recommended in the report. You have dodged a bullet.

I chose a ‘good’ school over an ‘outstanding’ one that was much nearer. Not regretted it.

I opted for the good community school over the outstanding faith school or the outstanding community school further away. The good school was very open in its communications and doing activities in the community as well as partaking in lots of local events. They are a two form entry school and had much bigger grounds as well as more extra curriculars. Their SAT results weren't as good overall but they had lots of kids achieving greater depth. Their Key Stage 2 progress is also better.
Now I have kids there I know that the community school has more children with additional needs and a higher number of EHCPs compared to other schools. My daughter is autistic which we didn't know when she started school but they have been brilliant at supporting her and us and making sure she is able to participate in school life and achieve her best.

The faith school has very small premises and whilst it boasts about running amazing trips abroad and uses this on its social media and prospectus, these trips are limited to a few pupils and financially not accessible to all. My children are also from a mixed Ethnic non religious family and I wasn't prepared to lie or attend CoE services for years to get a place as it would have been a sham

Ofsted is just a game (ex teacher here).

I believe they’re in fact changing their system of one word assessments as far too much hangs on that one word ‘good’ ‘outstanding’ ‘unsatisfactory’ etc which is now deemed unfair and misleading for parents. About bloody time.

Absolutely agree.
My children are pretty privileged. They're bright, quite talented, financially secure with a stable home life and access to plenty of extra and super curricular activities. I didn't want them in a school where people who didn't have all their advantages were seen as lesser and I certainly got that vibe from the "Outstanding" primary school in our area.
No, my children didn't "need" the SEN programme themselves but they certainly benefited from being in a school where those pupils were valued and included in everything. I think children absorb the attitudes of people they spend a lot of time with so I wanted a school with an ethos that fitted with our family values far more than I wanted one with exceptional SATs results.

I don't know that I agree really. Kids without SEN are absorbing messages about the support and inclusion of those with SEN. I think a supportive environment for those who need it most is valuable for the whole school tbh.