Ex refusing to have DS overnight

What a bellend!!

I think you accept that you are not going to get a night "off"

Call his bluff and have 3 dc ready for collection complete with a 30 quid ready bed..

At the very least he needs to rotate which kids he has, then you'll still be parenting but will not be all toddler all the time , nice for you to have one on one with other kids too.

He will only ever be entitled to a 1 bed unless he becomes the resident parent. If he can't make it work now then it's unlikely he ever will. I suspect he won't though and there is no way of forcing him.

I don't agree in bed sharing with parents if the child has no choice in the matter - there should be no expectation that any child will share there parents bed or even siblings just to suit the decisions of others

If you claim the cb he can't put them down on his housing

What age are they

I still don't get why 2 can't share a bed if not all 3 in a double /king or one on blow up bed and ex on sofa

They won't list him as a priority because the resident parent claims the child benefit. They don't have to give him more than an1 bedroomed flat.

What was the housing situation when you were together? If you owned, I assume you bought him out. If private rent it will be more difficult for him as he won’t get any housing benefit/UC as a single man and will be expected to live in shared accommodation.

Nothing wrong with a blow up bed for a night or two, OP, they’ll probably thinks it fun.

Unless he is getting child benefit and listed as the registered home for them it won’t matter. The council will not be providing housing to him for 1 kid let alone three. They will expect him to make it work for visitation.

and they will check.

Why is his only option a council house? You’ve had three kids so you both must have decent jobs to have afforded the decision to have three kids. Why can’t he rent privately?

I agree it's all of them or none. He needs to make the space work for all three children.
(I've not had a night off in 15yrs).

Don't use the reason of "I'll never get a night off"

The most important thing is the wellbeing of the children.

It will be really bad for your youngest's emotional wellbeing to be treated differently- you'd get things like "why doesn't dad like me"/"why doesn't dad want to see me"

"No room: is nonsense - it's only one night at a time? A child's airbed can always be squeezed in somewhere.

He would make room if he had to or book a Premier Inn room one night a week if that was the only way he could see his children if he was a good dad. He isn't. Assume this is the way things are now and factor in rest breaks in whatever other ways you can as you can't make him have him.

He needs to sort himself out. It’s a pig on his brother, it’s a pig on the kids, it’s a pig on you. What a shit of a man he is.

I know this seems like a good resolution but in the case of my ex, he then made no attempt to find somewhere suitable to live and treated my place like his own. It caused no end of problems in the long run.

If he’s not the primary parent, with the council he’s only going to be eligible for a studio/one bedroom anyway. So there will likely not be any more room than what he’s used to now.

My ex private rents and can only afford a one bedroom, but I have one kid and he thinks it’s fun going to his dads and sharing his dad’s bed which both me and his dad think is nice for him to do. I don’t understand why your children’s dad isn’t doing everything in his power to put something in place to have his children, not make up excuses. It shouldn’t be up to you to give suggestions - he should be jumping at the chance to do it himself. The fact that he’s singling out children is also unacceptable

And that is better than being Child No 3 who 'Daddy doesn't want' when he wants the other two.

I wasn't damaging my children like that.

Well where I live that'd be never! He needs to get sorted and have his children. Your donation is fine.

Many will choose none.

I had an ex who tried this. I just made it clear 'You've got three kids. You take all or none of them. You don't get to pick and choose which kids you want - that's not fair on them.'

It's shit. But in all honesty there isn't anything you can do. You can't make him have them. If your parents are nearby would you be able to arrange for your youngest to stay at their's once every few months on a night the older ones are at your ex's, just to give you a breather? I feel for you, because my kids have stayed at their dad's one night in the last 7 years, and it is hard work. The only other time I've had a break is when they stayed at my in laws for a week. It does get easier as they get older.

ETA if he can only have 2 at a time alternate which kids stay, its not fair for one to feel left out.

How old are your children and are they girls/boys

To be honest my ex can't suitably house our 3 overnights so I won't send them. I personally am happy to have them every night and not have a night off as I don't think it's fair to put overcrowded sleeping conditions on the children or force them into having to share beds / sleep on floors etc