Partner going on holiday with sister

I think the few messages here berating all the other posters for disagreeing with the OP, probably do not have close relationships with their siblings.

I have 4 siblings. 14 years between the oldest sister and younger brother.

We do loads of stuff together. Sometimes just 2 of us. Sometimes without spouses.

We are very close and loving and this is normal with my brother and his siblings too.

I think it's bloody weird that people are finding some kind of perverted angle. Or saying that because they don't drop their siblings like a hot potato when they get a partner, they aren't a priority 😂😂

It IS pure jealousy. Whether it's of the money, the extravagance, the free holiday, OP, you need to figure out why it pisses you off so much, because it's definitely a you problem.

You just sound jealous that you’re missing out on some great trips.

So you think she wants to shag him? I'm assuming that's what you're alluding to in the following posts. Bet you wouldn't mind if it was a brother.

@pikkumyy77 ’s analysis is a little extreme for me, @SOxon , but I completely agree that the sister sounds odd and likely has some problems with relationships/friendships.

It doesn’t sound like the amiable companionship my DH would have if he went on holiday with one of his sisters, for example.

because there are undercurrents which you are not picking up on - not necessarily the relationship between siblings

He sounds like a massive man baby. Gets a lovely extravagant holiday from doting big sis. Can't be arsed to get involved in arranging a holiday with partner. Probably feels ambivalent about holiday with partner because who cares, he's getting a lovely free holiday from sis anyway. Probably used up a big chunk of annual leave anyway.

Yes so what's the problem op? As long as he gets his lovely free holiday he will pay attention to you when he wants sex, someone to do the chores and someone to share the bills with! What a deal, hey?

Tbf, his sister does sound a bit odd-not particularly nice to you when the rest of the family is, rather short on friends…would you describe her as controlling, OP? It might explain why many people won’t put up with her.

But, going on holiday with your sibling is fine, even more so if they’re paying for it! If I had siblings, I’d jump at this chance!

Your DP does need to communicate better with you though. You’re a couple and you need to plan together.

Excellent analysis -
yes exactly, competitive, divisive, weird - it is not the beleagured OP who is the jealous 3rd cog, rather the Barbie no mates elder sister, buying companionship at the expense of her younger brother’s romantic attachment, making sure they will not be going to Paris as a couple, as he has already ‘done’ Paris.

this is a particularly combative thread, with obtuse ill considered opinions,
abrupt comments, lacking perspicacity, poor quality responses, not up to your
usual red hot reasoning ladies

1st post nails it - i would also ask yourself if it was two sisters going away with each other would you be questioning it ?
How do you know she chooses not to have a partner ? Maybe she just hasn't found the right person yet

I go on holiday with my sister and also with my brother sometimes all together sometimes just 2 of us.
My husband went on holiday with his sister a few months back last year just him and his mum went i dont find it strange.
I think its nice that they are close not every one has that sort of family.
He never stops me from going with my family or girls weekends away so i would never stop him.
I think you are a bit jealous.

I'm going on holiday with my brother tomorrow 😂I honestly don't understand why you would resent this. You say you want to experience nice places together with your partner, well why don't you suggest them to him then?

If money is the issue, I sympathise, but that's not a reason why he shouldn't enjoy time with his sister and vice versa.

He should communicate with you on the dates and pull his weight with the organisation of couple holidays, fair enough.

OP what are you suggesting is wrong with them going to Paris or on a cruise?

She doesn't have anyone else to go with and wants company and some security - travelling with her brother is a very safe option for her.

I am dying to know how old each person is
Your partner of 8 yrs but only moved out of home 3 yrs ago. And his sister is 14 yrs older?

It's a very different scenario if you and he are 21 and she is 35 compared to you and he being 46 and her being 60.

Very strange reaction.
I have a son and daughter both in their 20's, who go away once a year for a couple of days, could he to a music festival, could be a European city, whatever takes their fancy for the "annual".
She has a partner, he doesn't, no one bats an eyelid here, they enjoy each others company, and I hope their tradition goes on forever!
Plan your own trip OP, what's stopping you? Just go another date with him?
Super jealous, I'm shocked you've lasted 8 years, can't see it lasting 8 more?

Yes he should f* his sister off if she dosent get on with you.
She knows what's she's doing.
He should tell her you come as a couple or not at all.
Your being excluded and it's wrong.
Would he like it if it was your brother you were going away with and he wasnt't included.

@AnonymousB95 I wouldnt be happy about this after eight years together! who did she go away with up until three years ago when your partner moved out the family home? how old are you all, including the sister? how long are those trips with his sister? if you had booked up first would he expect you to cancel so he could accomodate his sister? he sounds like he likes being the centre of the family;

How are you funding your holiday together? Are you able to afford the kind of holiday his sister is offering him.

Separately, if he's not sharing the costs of your holiday together with you, for something decent I'd be irked.

It does sound like you see his sister as competition on some level, which is something to work through on your own (or with support). It's totally unreasonable to dislike him going on trips with his sister, or having a close relationship and if a man came on here complaining that his wife took a trip with her sister each year he would be flogged.

Things that are reasonable:

• Expecting to collaborate on a budget for holidays that takes into account both joint travel (the two of you together) and separate travel
• Expecting your partner to contribute to joint holiday planning if asked
• Expecting a little advanced notice from your partner before they book holiday travel so the two of you can work through any potential schedule conflicts
• To set boundaries for yourself in regards to the sister's behavior towards you. This means you can choose not to spend time around the sister if she treats you poorly, not that you can make that choice for your DH.

I think there's a bit you need to unpick here regarding your feelings on this. What about it is the bit that bothers you most? Is it the "romantic" type destinations with no thought to whether you'd like to experience these first with him? The substitute partner vibe? Her coolness towards you? His enthusiasm about these holidays compared to your holiday together? The lack of communication regarding dates?

Tbh, I've been with a man who was happy to arrange holidays/day trips/nights out with friends but always left it to me to arrange for the 2 of us (and there would often be a lot of "issues" - flight was the wrong time of day/don't want to spend the money etc). It wasn't what we broke up over but it's not something I miss - to put it mildly!

Can you go away with friends/family (not necessarily the same time) as well? That might take the pressure of your couple holiday and make trips away something you both do and sometimes you go together. Although, I can imagine if he left you to struggle at home with small children while he went off for a lovely relaxing luxury break, that might be problematic. It'd be interesting to hear how he's see that working if you plan children in your future.

Give over, you’re obviously jealous of his sister. This is beyond weird.

Would you be happy if they went to Skegness for the weekend instead?

Stop being ridiculous - he isn’t even out of pocket and it’s lovely he has a great relationship with his sister. Don’t ask him to choose.

OP - your sil is doing what is called upsetting the applecart
or cutting in

your so called partner is not only allowing this but doesn’t care
what you think or how you feel about it : this is a non negotiable
part of his life which is weird, unsettling, inappropriate, most of all,
divisive

do what you’ve gotta do, you know it makes sense (‘cos the situation
as it is now is untenable)

Do you think you would feel the same way if it was his brother?

Lol.

It’s great they go away together. I think you should go away with a close friend regularly too.

It wasn't about the holiday 🙄 me and my OH only go away together once a year. It was the other things she wrote. Have you read the OP's posts? Did you actually read mine?

This thread is batter than shit

Makes mental note to cancel annual trip with DB in case of giving off creepy incest vibes