Partner going on holiday with sister

@pictoosh Given that his sister is standoffish with the OP, do you think she’s jealous of the OP?

I don’t mean in some weird sexual way, but that she’s taken her brother away from the original family unit?
The sister herself doesn’t want to expand beyond their family unit by having her own partner.

Just speculating, not assuming any perviness. 😂

OP, is the reason you feel threatened because when you go on holiday with him your trips might feel underwhelming by comparison? I can understand that, especially if it is the case that your partner is very keen to go away with his sister and very loving towards her, but more cagey with you.

This might be because some men do tend to try to keep a distance to manage expectations before making a more serious commitment (ie marriage), but it can feel hurtful to their romantic partner when they are very keen to demonstrate their affection elsewhere but not with you, even if it isn't romantic.

Says a lot more about you than them.

Quite normal for unmarried siblings to holiday together.

😂That's true. But I still think they're creepy feckers for doing it.

No one needs to take a holiday with anyone though do they. Maybe they just want to go away for a few days once a year.

People can go on holiday with anyone they want to. You don't get a say.

I disagree. It sounds unhealthy to me. Siblings are not lovers and don't need to take holidays together without their partners.

When people of any sex or orientation create a new family, which is what you do when you live with someone, then that family must come first.

My sister loves me and I her, we are each others best friends, but I fully understand that I come second to her husband. I have been in her life twice as long as he has but that doesnt mean I should always come first, what a ludicrous suggestion!

I think some of these posters have been reading too much Sigmund Freud.

To the point, some of you are sexualising a close sibling relationship?

I think you need to grow up and there is some jealousy here op. You have shown that when you mentioned the places they are going.

If you want to go to paris with him then do it. He's allowed a relationship with his sister whether you approve or not.

I wish my brother was here still so I could go on holidays with him. She's cherishing her family. Just because you do differently, doesn't mean they are wrong. 😰

@AnonymousB95 I think that you might be spot on in that she is using him to fill the gap that a lack of a partner has left in her life. The trips in themselves are not the problem, my sister and I go away together without her husband once a year. He has no problem with this.

And he IBU for not at least having the decency to check with you first that the dates are ok. Just announcing it as a done deal suggests that when she says "jump" he asks "how high?" I dont think that he is used to putting anyone but his sister first as that is how his life has always been, which means that you and any kids you have will always come second to her. She doesnt want to accept that he should be putting your first and her behaviour towards you suggests that she doesnt like you "taking him" away from her. She sounds very much like the overbearing MIL who will try ascert her authority over her son in a "I am the first woman in his life" kind of way.

Personally I couldnt live with that, whether you can is up to you but the knowledge that her wants will always trump your and any kids needs would be a deal breaker for me. Can you imagine him saying "No I am not going on that trip with you because OP/the kids want to do something that weekend"?

And if it was his brother? Would that also be odd, unreasonable and creepy?

The problem is not the sibling relationship but the inane jealousy of another woman, even if it's his SISTER.

THAT is odd, unreasonable and creepy.

I think it’s more than just going away together, the talking everyday and the whole situation makes me feel this will be a 3 person relationship. Will he put OP first when it matters especially when they have kids or will his sister always come first?

Frankly I will not want to be in a relationship with a man who feels the need to speak to his sister everyday. There’s being close to your sibling and then there’s this.

I'd find it odd, unreasonable and creepy.

I’m sure it would help if the sister wasn’t standoffish with the OP.

Do you have any inkling why she’s standoffish with you, OP? Is she like this with all other siblings’ partners, or just you?

Agree.

OP has 51 other weeks of the year to plan a trip with her DP.

The places she has mentioned aren’t even far away if OP is in the UK, have plenty of flights and many inexpensive.

I go away for a couple days with my brother every year, it's lovely to spend time together without partners and kids. No partners have ever had an issue with this. You sound jealous and controlling, it's really not odd, I know loads of siblings who holiday together.

The types of trips she chooses, European Cruises, Paris, Italy - in my opinion make me feel uncomfortable.

I am very close to his family. This particular sister has always been standoffish. She chooses to not have a partner and I believe her brother fills that gap, in some respect. There is more to this story in relation to her behaviour towards me that also adds to my feelings!

Honestly OP this is not a healthy attitude to have.
If you do not sort out YOUR issues then this relationship is going to end.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the type of holiday’s they go on - why is Paris or Italy inappropriate but another country wouldn’t be?

The fact that you feel she is using her brother as a replacement partner is weird and gross.

She is his sister.
She was there first and will always come before any new relationship.
If you can’t handle it, then you need to leave.

I am really close to my sister and talk nearly everyday. We do things together without our partners. If my OH told me I shouldn’t be seeing my sister, they would no longer be my partner. Remember they have been siblings all their lives and will share a bond that is different to yours. Stop comparing and go and book a holiday to go with your partner.

Jesus, it's like a parallel universe here sometimes.

I have a brother, also younger than me, we're also very close and always been. Both with partners. I go on holidays with my brother, alone, with my friends, with the whole family without partners, the whole family with partners, or just with partner. It varies. But yea, we go somewhere just my brother and me at least once a year or more, if it's city breaks. And... (whispers) we've been to both Paris AND Italy..

Never in my whole life have I heard anyone saying we probs want to shag each other, it's not normal, covert incest (or whatever the hell), 'emotional affair' or some such shit. We're brother and sister, ffs, how is shagging even entering some peoples minds?

If my partner tried telling me our sibling holidays are abnormal, he'd go in the bin faster than he could utter 'Paris'. I have had plenty of relationships (and might have more in the future), but only one brother.

Exactly. It’s mind boggling how they manage with real life

exactly

The siblings talk daily and the trips started when he left home so they would continue to get some quality time.

It is a couple of days a year…not a huge claim on his time or attentions.

The OP is jealous that she’s missing out on fun trips - cruises, Italy, Paris:

These trips are usually pretty extravagant and I can't help but feel that as my partner we should be experiencing these things together.

They have plenty of time to go on their own holidays too.

It occurred to me that the trips could be a power move but I think on balance they are just a very bonded pair of sibling who lived together well into adulthood and have only fairly recently started living apart. The holidays are a way of making up for the time they’re not spending together at home anymore I think.

So much this.

Or two siblings who enjoy each other’s company could just carry on doing so

Like normal people not MN loons