Partner going on holiday with sister

It sounds like what you want are things like your first trip to Paris, a jaunt to Rome to be as a romantic couple, that these are great holidays where you two should be off making memories and having adventures together in a way that makes your holiday the special one, not for these great experiences to be had on holidays with the sister.

The holiday with the sister should be to somewhere that you don't want to go with him in a couple. You don't want your holidays together to play second fiddle to their holidays together. So that you don't feel like your experiences together are a weak second to the great adventures he has with his sister.

The problem is you don't have the money to do this.

So there aren't that many options you have to do about this.

Do you deny him these holidays?
Could you veto some locations in advance and ask him to ask his sister not to go to these places and then go together as a couple?
But it seems if someone's rich enough they'll still be able to come up with great places to go where you'd want to be the one to go with him, no matter how many places you put on a no go list.

It's only once a year, could you accept this ongoing?

Imagine if it was his brother not his sister, and they were going away for boys weekends. I'm assuming you'd be ok with that.

Would you still be ok with it if they went to Paris and Italy? Why/why not?

Now, can you tell him this.

He does go on holiday with his partner. OP is arranging a holiday right now.

If this is wrong then so is me and my sister having a weekend away every year - but why?

He has more regard for his sister than op? Because he goes on holiday for one weekend a year, presumably leaving 51 weekends for op? MN is truly nuts sometimes. I don't know anyone in rl who would object to a sibling holiday. I go with my sister. My grown up kids go on holiday together. Perfectly normal except on mn.

As we can see from some of the responses on this thread, some women are threatened by other women, even their partner's sister.

That's not the sister's issue is it?

Don't also assume the sister is at fault.
We know nothing about either of them.

Interesting. In our 20s my boyfriend and then DH went on a lot of major holidays with his brother (girlfriend not invited) & sister (resentfully single). They were often subsided by their parents and indeed sometimes joined by a parent for part of a three week trip.

I was not invited because I was too new/no partners/ couldn't afford it in time or money. They were exactly the sort of holidays I would have loved and thrived on.
DH would come back and obviously not want to budget climb a mountain/trek with goats/scubu dive with me because he'd just bloody done it with his bank rolled family and had limited leave.
Looking back at the pictures I'm really quite scathing about it now. A bit jealous but mostly what was the point. SIL eventually got a boyfriend and dropped her siblings, She was hideous to me throughout her 20s &30s until she matched the wedding and two kids, things have warmed now ish.
Of course 30 years on now, I'm still around but no closer to the family than I was all those years ago.they continuously express surprise I was there when they built the extension/went to a funeral/met someone, etc there are various group chats, which I'm not part of despite historically doing the logistics heavy lifting.
It's all sad, so if you want the bigger picture - warm extended family, wedding, kids - this may not be the family for you. I sometimes wish I'd cut my losses but grass isn't always greener so who knows.

Probably standoffish because op thinks her close sibling relationship and their annual trip away is weird. I imagine the disapproval radiates out of her.

@AnonymousB95 I am not surprised at the response you have had op, I'm more surprised you was expecting anything other then what you got. The reality is (and I really don't know who these other ppl are here) that lots of women would be annoyed. A grown man, with a partner, holidaying with his older sister is absolutely pathetic at their age. She is single, so completely selfish towards you, I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot how these women would feel? Your partner has more regard for his sister then you. Seriously, what stops them inviting you, even once? There is no reason at all to cut you out. I would never dream of imposing on my brother like this year after year with zero regard for his partner. Op, even if you are jealous, they really have given you reason to be. I hate to say this because it's not my place to speak with regards to ending the relationship, that's for you to consider but ask yourself if you want to play 2nd to the sister for the next how ever many years...

No, the OP didn’t elaborate, @pictoosh

I assumed that she mentioned it, because it bothers her somehow. She says that she’s close to the rest of the family.

Whereas you and I don’t care much that we’re not tight with our BIL/SIL. We can’t be arsed!

I love my husband but I'm also perfectly capable and willing to have 'special times' with people other than him.
There are no rules.

That's you isn't it?
We're all different. Some don't mind.

She is his sister.
She was there first and will always come before any new relationship.
If you can’t handle it, then you need to leave.

Now that is really creepy. A sibling should always come before any new relationship.
Does it also extend to parents?
How about no. Putting their siblings and parents before spouses is how so many in laws end up stamping all over people's boundaries.

"He's not her property. He can have 'special times' with other people, including his sister"

He can have special times with anyone he likes, but I for one would feel pretty rotten having so many extravagant special times without my partner being able to enjoy them too.

Come on… your feelings are obviously valid but personally I don’t see an issue with it whatsoever.

If it’s just a few days once a year, I think it’s wonderful and you have the rest of 360 days to plan a holiday with your OH.

TBH I wish my husband would do this with his siblings and I can have a few days to myself albeit with the kids. I think it’s pretty healthy tbh and a lovely thing that he is treated by his sister so extravagantly!

I guess maybe you wished a sibling would do the same for you?!

I think you know you’re being unreasonable.

you can’t experience it together, it’s not an option is it, so no point getting wound up.
it’s a few days holiday with his sibling once a year.

he should be helping plan joint trips with you though

What does 'standoffish' mean in this particular case?
We don't know, do we?

@pictoosh

I suppose I was thinking that as the SIL doesn’t have much in the way of other friends/close relationships, she might resent the OP encroaching on her family? She

I know what you mean about not being arsed with some relatives, though, I feel like that about one of my BIL’s. But I’m not standoffish with him, I just accept that we don’t have much in common. It doesn’t bother me at all when DH goes away with family members, I quite enjoy the peace. 😂

He's not her property. He can have 'special times' with other people, including his sister.

"even if your finances aren't entwined if you can't afford it, he doesn't go either.

This just seems controlling to me. I'd be out of that relationship so fast."

Not controlling as I'd expect it not to even occur to him to go on all these holidays without me. Where's the equality there? He should want to have these special times with his partner!

I have no idea if she's jealous of the OP.
Could be she's just not that arsed for her company. She's not obliged to be.

I'm not arsed for my bil for example. Not my cup of tea.
What of it?

"She is his sister.
She was there first and will always come before any new relationship.
If you can’t handle it, then you need to leave."

Bollocks- his partner, if long term, should come before anyone including his sister. Would you be saying the same if they were married with kids?

I have a son and a brother. I value our relationships and love them both, but totally expect them to put their wives before me.

even if your finances aren't entwined if you can't afford it, he doesn't go either.

This just seems controlling to me. I'd be out of that relationship so fast.

I think you should at least be asked to go on the holiday as well, and if she is paying for him, then she should pay for you as well.

Whether you would actually want to go is another matter.

My dh is very close to his sister but there's no way I would be ok with this. Ok we're married but you've been together 8 years so should have the same level of respect, and if you aren't happy with it for whatever reason, your partner needs to show his sister he puts you first.

Yup after 8 years you want to be enjoying experiences together, and even if your finances aren't entwined if you can't afford it, he doesn't go either.