Partner going on holiday with sister

I think YANBU because if you are involved in the planning you'd think your partner would at least, ONE time at LEAST, ask his sister to invite you. Even if just once. That he doesn't even think to ask that you be invited, only one time, doesn't show him up in a good light. He is thoughtless and he USES you. You're not married so to be honest, I'd throw him back in the sea and walk. Do you want to spend the rest of your life going through this, year in, year out, year after year after year? Seriously, I'd walk now. Before children are involved.

Plan yourself a nice little vacation while you’re husband is away.

I would hazard a guess if the sister had a partner she wouldn't be so keen on the annual brother trip.
Perhaps, perhaps not - others on the thread, with partners, still go on trips with their siblings.

The OP’s partner has been on two trips with his sister, each lasting a few days. I don’t know why the “extravagance” is an issue - people like to travel to nice places. I’d probably think it odder if they were going camping in Skegness or to a youth hostel in Birmingham.

(no particular disrespect intended to those two towns/cities!)

OP has said the trips are extravagant ones and include cruises..

Which she hasn’t been particularly clear on how they are extravagant other than naming places that many go to all the time and it has only been two trips so far with a third planned this year and they are a few days.

A few days out of 365 to do a trip with a sibling is really not that far fetched or would be a definite no if they had a partner and/or children.

This place is on another level sometimes.

I don't think it's the women on here that are creepy and controlling...
OP has said the trips are extravagant ones and include cruises..
I would hazard a guess if the sister had a partner she wouldn't be so keen on the annual brother trip.

Hi the way I'm reading this - you don't come from a close family so this wouldn't be something you'd naturally do with you sibling. So you're not on the same page. Maybe you're a bit envious he has this, especially as they're gong on quite fancy trips. I don't think you can do much about this other than be gracious about it. Lucky him! The other thing that's bothering you is your feeling that these trips are so high on his list of priorities that he doesn't check with you first. So I guess you could work on making sure he prioritises comms with you while being glad for him that he has these treats.

Agree* *@Harara . I think part of the issue stems from this recent concept of "making memories", which nowadays seems more important than just enjoying the moment.

I've been fortunate enough to visit quite a few places multiple times, with different groups of people at different stages in my life. None of the trips were "better" than the others and none stopped me enjoying subsequent ones any less!

Two siblings have daily contact and like to spend a few days together each year.

“Maybe they’re fucking”
”Maybe she’s his mum”

Fruit loops.

Maybe she is his mother?

Maybe the older sister is actually his biological mother and that is where resentment towards his partner is coming from. It is not that unusual a situation.

Says who? I have a partner (and children) and take a short trip with my brother most years. I also periodically take trips with girlfriends, and my DH does the same with his friends on occasion.

OP has said her partner & his sister have take a trip once a year for a few days starting 3 years ago (so they've done this twice so far). This isn't something they're doing for weeks on end or every weekend, and it's perfectly reasonable for partners to take one short trip per year separately.

If she had a partner/ children she wouldn’t be bringing your other half on all these trips.

Bet she would. Having a partner, children, or both doesn’t stop many people from travelling with their parents and siblings alone.

How would you feel if it were a brother instead?

What would your feelings be on two sisters going on these breaks together?

Apart from the dates issue this time, I wouldn't have any problem with this at all. It's great for family to be close and it's only a dew days a year. Xx

FWIW, I think it’s a bit odd. Maybe include u every 2nd or 3rd trip would be more inclusive. She is treating him like her partner. If she had a partner/ children she wouldn’t be bringing your other half on all these trips. Does he ever say ‘no’ to her?

But I would be annoyed if it prevented us from also having a holiday.

It’s not really preventing OP from having a holiday . OP was looking into these dates and her DP wasn’t helping her plan a holiday. OP doesn’t say that her SIL knew this beforehand and if SIL did, she would have found out from her brother.

Her DP is the real issue here but she rather blame his sister.

The holiday thing seems more like it’s not really about the holiday but about his relationship with the women in his family and how it makes OP uncomfortable.

They’ve been together eight years so they likely have gone on holiday at some point and if so, why not? His sister has been only taking him on a trip once a year for three years so wonder what holidays they were going on in the three years before.

I agree with this. I think I’d feel
a little sidelined - especially in the fact that they buy him what he needs.

I think we know the answer is no.

Lots of creepy and controlling women on here.

Just wondering if you would feel the same if it was a brother he was going with?

There is nothing wrong with them going away together
There is nothing wrong with where they are going
Your s/o should help plan your holidays together and communicate about dates

I have a friend who goes away with her brother every year- USA, Canada, Australia, Europe. They are very close and both sort of took longer to find their way in life. Both have developed very full lives and one is a doting parent now - since then the trips seem to have reduced in time to a week b/c of other responsibilities but they still go. They are close to their parents too. Grew up very very poor and had a family tragedy that sadly meant their cousins died young. I think it created a very special bond and a reminder that life isn't guaranteed.

I'd love if my dc did this as adults. Your sibling relationships are typically the longest relationships you will ever have.

Dh goes away every year with BIL. It's fine. It means I don't have to entertain BIL at my house or entertain him and SIL. This year they are taking eldest dd with them and off to France in the summer holidays. It's great, I just like having the option not to go.

But I would be annoyed if it prevented us from also having a holiday. We have plenty of time together and we can go away on holiday if we wanted to (logistics with work, pets, farm, school term make it difficult). But the difficulties are not because he is going away with BIL. In fact, I go on holiday myself without dh too.

@Ohwellithappens “had a bf who had a best friend who did the same”

The same? So a few days per year your boyfriend went away with his best friend?

I’m so creeped out by the idea that if you’re in a couple, your partner should never be creating a single memory that doesn’t involve you.

I completely understand your feeling OP. I had a bf who had a best friend who did the same. It felt as though I was being excluded and that they were off creating memories. In your case it's like your partner is his sister's surrogate plus one. It's not jealousy it's a feeling that this relationship is in a bit of a grey area... ultimately the sister could invite you for some or part of the trip. She has sisters does she go on holidays with just one of them?