Partner going on holiday with sister

Feel exactly the same, because I'm not some weirdo who thinks family members going on holiday is akin to incest.

I don't think there is anything wrong with siblings going on trips together, especially since they are only a few days a year.

But, I want to ask the MNers to ponder the thread a bit differently.

*MNers--I (M28) need advice! I have had a GF (26) for the last three years and we have moved in together. Everything is great except for one thing.

Every year, she goes on vacation for 4-5 days with her brother (40). He lives at home and has never married. He organizes and pays for everything and they go first class.

They have been on a few cruises and to Paris and Italy. Maybe I am just jealous and envious that I cannot do these things with my GF yet, but am I totally wrong to feel a bit uneasy about this? *

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So, MNers, what would your response be? A cruise? Sharing a stateroom, a hotel room? Have people asked the OP about them sharing a room or separate?
Does any of the above give you any pause at all?

My bad, I hadn't appreciated the trips were a few days. Although that's a bit short for a cruise ?
OP describes the trips as extravagant so I haven't gone behind that.

Imagine if this was the other way around......

People would not be happy with a man trying to stop a close relationship between his female partner and her family!

The DP didn't even know the dates, it wasn't in the joint calendar...... is how I read it.

So don't think the sister knew?

Why is this the sister being out of line?

You’re not the one out of line here. His sister is.

Did his sister know about the dates of your proposed trip? if she did, I think her behaviour is very inappropriate.

That aside, it sounds like his sister is very lonely and is using her brother as a quasi partner/child with arrested development.

I think it’s a red flag if people aren’t close with their family. I don’t like here that OP isn’t close to hers and now wants to impose that on her partner too.

"A normal catch up with a sibling would be a few drinks, a lunch, a dinner, not a full-blown holiday."

According to who? You?
You don't set the bar. You don't even get a say.

Truly...the amount of people, including women, who think their partner is a possession, property, a thing to impose rules on. You work for me now. And I'm not even referring to the OP but the attitudes displayed on this sinister thread. Not even allowed a few days away with a sibling.

Glad I'm not in a relationship with someone like that.

So many red flags. Why aren't you invited for a start? He's clearly the baby of the family and expects to be spoilt by women. I'd leave them to it and leave. He will never change. He doesn't prioritise you or your relationship. However... if you decide to stay then I'd get ahead of the curve... book your holiday for next year way in advance of her booking any holidays and ask if she'd like to join you. Or don't... but either way... get in there first

Reads more like she is insecure and uncomfortable with his family dynamic in general and probably expected once he moved out and with her, he would spend less time with his family and that’s not what happened otherwise why be so uncomfortable with him going on a trip with his sister once a year for a few days. There is no money being lost so it isn’t taking away from OP and her DP going on holiday.

OP is being silly and is also trying to sneakily imply the sister has desires of incest towards her brother.

If OP was smart she’d encourage her partner to get gifts for her on these trips e.g. pretend he really loves expensive Italian handbags and French perfume so sis will indulge him!

Use your jealousy for good OP! lol.

OP, please ignore the replies on here which say you are jealous or things like ‘it’s nice they spend time together’ 🙄. The situation is not normal and YANBU.
A normal catch up with a sibling would be a few drinks, a lunch, a dinner, not a full-blown holiday.
Some MNs are always quick to shout JEALOUS.
Your partner sounds over reliant on his female relatives, his sister seems to regard him as some sort of surrogate partner, he is happy to leave you behind while he goes off on a jolly, his sister is standoffish and sounds as if she likes to get one over you and she blatantly leaves you out.
if I met a ‘couple’ on a cruise and they said they were brother and sister and they did this regularly I’d think ‘weirdos’.
your final sentence is right: it is odd.

There is nothing at all odd about going to Paris or Italy with your sister! In my 20+ year marriage I have often done trips with my birth family without my husband or child. And some with us all. It's lovely and it doesn't mean I don't prioritise my nuclear family, you can have a few priorities. I think this is more about your issues with the sister.

She’s doing the planning for their own trip, not the brother/sister one.

From how the OP talks about the sister it’s clear she doesn’t like her, so beyond grabbing a free holiday I don’t know why she would want to go? As the sister is paying for the whole trip the brother asking for someone else to come is also asking for the sister to pay for it which is a big ask particularly when the person you want to bring doesn’t actually like the host.

If they did get on (which they don’t) I would say the best way to handle it if OP wants to go with them would be to preemptively get in there for next year with a suggestion and invite the sister along. But then they’d have to pay for their share

YABU - it’s wonderful that they have a family tradition to go away together. As a fellow older sister, going away with my baby brother and mum was very special to me but has evolved over time with partners and children.
it would be great if they include you, but don’t give him grief for having a relationship with his family outside of you.
he should be planning the trip with you though. most relationships have one planner and one along for the ride, which can work fine as long as both people are on the same page!

Do you mean these places are out of reach financially. I Think for a few days once a year its not a big problem.Can u see if you could stay with your family,maybe arrange a WE in London ,or go out for Dinner with them .Why not get DH involved in holiday plans?

Hmmm, I read a very sarcastic reply which implied the complete opposite.

Completely agree with this. I think that you’re getting annoyed with the wrong person.

Did you tell him the dates you were looking at for the trip you were planning? If not, that’s on you, not him and definitely not his sister. If you did tell him, then that’s on him, not her. And why are you getting resentful with her because she makes all the arrangements and he just turns up, when you’re also planning a trip where you’re making all the arrangements and he just turns up? How is there any difference? Or do you think that his family should stop doting on him now because you’re here and you should be the only one spoiling him? No wonder the sister isn’t keen on you.

I think you’re resentful of him that he’s not turning down all of these glamorous trips with her so he can contribute equally to doing those trips with you instead of her. But instead of voicing your resentment to him and telling him that you want him to make more of an effort so you can have those experiences together, it’s easier to blame his sister. Why would you want to acknowledge the fact that you’re dating someone who is used to being the centre of attention and having all the women in his life running around him and doing nice things for him? Because if you acknowledge that, and how upset you are that he automatically assumes that you’ll do the same, rather than him revolving around you sometimes, then you’ve got to admit to yourself that you’re on a hiding to nothing. Do you really think you would become the centre of his world if she stopped the trips and offered him an afternoon in Wetherspoons?

What his sister is doing is spoiling her little brother and possibly using his company so she gets to go to all the places that she wants to go, but doesn’t want to go alone. Yes, it’s unusual, but she’s not doing anything wrong. And neither is he by accepting these trips. It is not her responsibility to distance herself from her brother so you don’t feel insecure with him.

Ask yourself what is missing from your relationship and who’s responsible for contributing it. And then ask yourself whether you can ever see him contributing whatever is lacking in the future. If not, you’re wasting your time.

So frighteningly controlling.

I read an extremely snarky and PA last post from her 🤷‍♀️!

Second post was a kind of drip feed, saying there is lots more. But she's not prepared to tell us.

Op actually changed her position based on feedback. At least that’s what I read.

It's a frightening place here sometimes.

Why do people post on a forum asking if there being unreasonable if their not willing to accept the answer? Pretty clear you just wanted validation.