Partner going on holiday with sister

Imagine if the post went something like this

My brother and I go away just the two of us, we've seen some great places and it's nice to get away just the two of us. I'm not sure if I should go next time because my husband says me going away with my brother makes him unhappy and I should be going to those places with him not with my brother. What should I do?

Oh course. You're right and an expert.

@Ohwellithappens poor OP????

Nope it's coercive control!

Why on Earth would she invite the OP along? It would be different if the sil had her own partner and they went as two couples.

Poor OP, it's not her stopping her partner, it's her partner going on holiday with his sister who isn't invited by the sister who doesn't seem to like OP. Very unfair to suggest coercive control.
When my parents got together my dad's sister would invite my dad to things leaving out my mother, not even holidays, nights out, dinners. She didn't like my mother. It became difficult for my dad and for my mum who felt excluded. Thirty years or so later my dad's sister writes to my mother asking her to forgive her for being cold and unkind to her. My mother didn't respond, but after my aunt died really established a strong relationship with my cousin's, the aunt's children.
I really think OP has been very unfairly lambasted on here.

Yes, that’s great for you. But the OP is clearly very unhappy about it. And I assume you don’t have OPs weird SIL behaviour or a partner who is mollycoddled by his female relatives.
I think the thread is about OPs discomfort and the weird family set-up, not about the principle of goi g on holiday with siblings.

Exactly. If this was two sisters or two brother, well sisters it would be fine, brothers it would be "they're off to fuck any willing woman" but no one would assume they were spooning in the double bed and reciting Flowers In The Attic whistfully

I think it's jealousy not uncomfortable...

Do you have siblings? Would you honestly never go away with them?? I have two sisters, we never have time or money for a holiday just us but if we did it would be great. But then I also two two weekends a year with friends and I'm away this weekend alone. We don't have a marriage that's reliant on isolating ourselves together

Wow so many posters supporting this weird enmeshed family dynamic of his!

@AnonymousB95 It’s really odd and infantilising to him. No wonder you’re uncomfortable.

I don’t understand your problem at all.

No.

If my friend came and complained her partner goes on holiday with his brother a few days a year and that the brother pays for it and she's jealous, I'd essentially tell her to stop being so controlling and jealous. THAT is what friends are for.

@Ilovecleaning just because op is unhappy doesn't mean she's right!

Can you imagine a man stopping his wife going away and saying you can't go because I'm unhappy, there would be uproar, justifiably.

Coercive control by the OP, using upset as an excuse.

It’s not weird, that’s what op is insinuating, not sure why she’s not stating it, she thinks their relationship is too close/enmeshed and potentially they are treating each other like a surrogate spouse not a sibling relationship. Covert incest doesn’t mean they are having a sexual relationship, it’s often seen between parents and children, often when the parents relationship has broken down.

Just because someone doesn't agree with you it doesn't mean they can't see your point.
You think it's weird
I don't
There's no right and wrong.
It's OK to disagree

I agree. So many indignant, angry and aggressive responses on here who can’t see that it’s weird. Also, what a lot of them are missing is the OPs feelings about it. She is unhappy with it and that’s the point.

Switching it round makes no difference
It's brother and sister whichever way you look at it.
I am female and used to holiday with my dad
Would you have worried about that?

You can be together without being joined at the hip.
That is unhealthy

What is deeply unhealthy is being so controlling that you don't want your partner to experience anything other than with you.

Trying to stop them spending a few days away fr n you, trying to stop them spending time with their family, because you want them 100% to yourself.

I can see why your relationship didn't work, they had a lucky escape.

It's weird, OP.
I'm sorry others can't see it. You marry / live with someone because you want to be together & share experiences. Mind, I once married into a family like this. I couldn't compare with them. Unhealthy.

I am deeply concerned by the number of people here whose minds leap to incest. Please get a grip.

And no, changing the genders doesn't change my response.

So here's what I'd tell OP's partner or the female partner in your scenario: If you're in a relationship and notice that your partner is trying to weaken your ties to your family and stop you spending time with them on your own, run. It's a giant effing red flag.

Well the DP didn't know because it wasn't in the joint calendar.... so I guess not!

I reread and I agree with you! Interesting. I guess Op just wanted someone to agree with her. Isn’t that what friends are for?

As I said upthread, I think this is more about the OP and the SIL not getting on well than him going on these holidays. If the OP liked her SIL, she probably wouldn’t mind the annual holiday.

Did the your DP's sister know you were looking at certain dates for you both to go on holiday? I do sympathise my sister's husband has 4 sisters who think the sun shines out of his backside, one in particular is a nightmare. They have caused no end of problems over the years.