Partner going on holiday with sister

Seeing as there has already been some crazy replies I'll add my own - OP, are you sure she's his sister and not his bio mum? Could be at 14 years older...

Right?!? I go on holiday with my brothers every year, we've even been to -gasp- Italy.

Best tell my husband I'm having an emotional affair with them lmao.

How would you feel if you had multiple children one day and they spent a few days each year going on holiday? I think it's lovely!

Would you be happy with them going to Skegness Pontins for a few days?

I think you answered your own question. You don’t have the same relationship with your siblings, so you’re probably not going to understand it - why they chose to spend time together. I think it’s lovely they spend a few days a year just the two of them. I’d love if my children did that as adults. My DH goes skiing every year with friends, I love that he takes that time for himself, and we get the opportunity to “miss” each other.

If you want to be included, you need to start making an effort with her, invite her to lunch? Coffee? Once you’ve established a relationship with her. Ask DH if you could book a city break with the two of them, but you have to be wanting to spend time with SIL as well as your DH which doesn’t seem to be the case.

It may be they're spousifying their relationship which is why you feel pushed out and a third wheel. Grey rock. Do fun things for yourself and ask to be the priority. Assess actions of your partner in response. This may need a step back for you, do you have friends you can spend time with?

We're married
I go away without my husband
But we do communicate. I check dates with him.
But as for where I'm going etc no he isn't interested... only that I'll enjoy myself.
Separate finances.
The only issue I'd have in OP situation would be if the holiday with the sister was stopping us from having a holiday together, as in no money or annual leave left.

It's very weird to me. I wouldn't be happy with that either.

I just think he is your partner, not your husband. As long as he isn't using joint money then he isn't doing anything wrong. I guess once you are married you get more of a say?

I can't see any issues apart from you need to coordinate your diaries more. It's a short trip (why you're uncomfortable with those destinations is beyond me), it's not like he's using all his A/L days to go away with her. Just use that time to do something with your own family or friends.

…at a free trip with a sibling he’s very close to! 😂😂 I wouldn’t turn that down either! No idea where you’re getting the idea she dominates him.

Whaaaaattt??? I treat my sister to a break
away every year, I’d be livid with dh and her bf if they threw a jealous strop about it. As it happens they are both more than happy to see the back of us for a bit.
She’s quite a lot younger than me and I have 3dc. Even if you did have dc with this man why would that mean his life would ground to a halt and he’d never again be able to do something for himself? Weird way to look at having children.
I think it’s nice that they’re close.

Out of interest what's eating why Paris and Rome? Big standard European destinations.

Yes, I would resent it. Whats wrong with going out for dinner with your sibling - why an expensive holiday? I’ve been on holiday with my brother and sister but our partners come along - I can’t imagine going on our own. My Oh meets up with his single sister for a meal or walk , but I wouldn’t like him to go off on a cruise with her excluding me, and he wouldn’t consider it. I understand the bit about the single sister treating the brother like a partner substitute too. Maybe best not to think about marrying or having kids with this person if he is so babied by his family.

'Displace family time'? That's nearly as nutty as the poster who was in high dudgeon because her friend invited her to go away with her on a bank holiday weekend. Because she SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that BHs are sacred family time and that it's insulting to imply she might tear herself away from the bosom of her teenagers.

I really hope this post is tongue-in-cheek, if not, it says more about this poster than the brother and sister in question!*

*Particularly creepy post with the Moomins reference in the username.

Wow. I travel to see/with my mother or my sister on a regular basis.

If dh objected he'd be (rightly) called controlling, abusive and more.

Why is this different?

Nonsense.
She suggests somewhere, that’s all. He’s got a tongue in his head.

Is @AnonymousB95 dominating him too, given that she was organising a trip without his input too?

Or did I miss the post that explained that he begged her not to choose Paris because it’s romantic and he wants to experience it for the first time with his girlfriend, then his sister shouted at him and threatened him with no more nice trips until he agreed on Paris?

I have visited Paris and Italy together with my sister, so I really fail to see why those wouldn't be suitable destinations to travel with a family member. It's not unreasonable for you to feel jealous of him travelling with his sister but it would be unreasonable for you to infere or try to prevent it. My partner travels abroad once a year with his friends for 1-2 weeks and I get jealous when they travel to a cool location. However, I've never tried to prevent him from going as I know those trips are important to him and his friends, particularly as they live in different countries these days and only see each other few times a year.

What sort of things do all the women in the family buy him @AnonymousB95 Is he much younger than rest of his siblings?

“I would think it inappropriate, unfair, and rude to exclude my sister in law or my dh from an expensive treat that would displace family time—like a trip to Paris with him which meant he didn’t go with his wife?”

Where has the OP said it displaces from family time?
She said it’s a matter of days each year.
If her boyfriend doesn’t then also go to places with her - that’s a boyfriend problem, not a boyfriend’s sister problem.

The cost is irrelevant - she’s not cajoling him into paying half, leaving him unable to go away with his girlfriend.

Jesus Christ. ‘Covert incest’?!

Only on mumsnet is it completely unreasonable for people to have meaningful relationships with anyone other than their romantic partner. God forbid someone has a close relationship with a parent or a sibling.

To me it is incredibly unhealthy to have the kind of romantic relationship where you can’t spent time with other people without the other one.

She tells him where and when they’re going and he jumps 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ooh, can I nominate this for weirdest post on Mumsnet 2024?

I think posters are very overly sentimental and naive about this brother/sister bond. If she were not a relative I think people would see what is fairly obvious which is that the brother and sister are having an “emotional affair” (in scare quotes because it is a bit shocking to say it I suppose). As between siblings its also called covert incest.

OP sees these trips as a bit too romantic and intimate and sees them as encroaching on her relationship. I don’t think she is wrong. I also think the wealth disparity and the sister treating her brother as thoygh he is singlle is insulting.

I should day thatI am very close to my older brother and would think nothing of treating him or being treated. However I would think it inappropriate, unfair, and rude to exclude my sister in law or my dh from an expensive treat that would displace family time—like a trip to Paris with him which meant he didn’t go with his wife? That is some weird, unhealthy, competitive shit.