Do you know why you are struggling

The point is that maybe people struggle as they've taken out loans , pay plenty of money for phone contracts and lots on kids hobbies. As the post I replied to shows . And what the hell are people doing to use so much gas/electric and such high food bills.

If people are really struggling then those figures could be cut somewhat

It's keeping my expenses as low as possible that causes me not to struggle

I'm not really sure I take your point? Congratulations on not struggling I guess 🤷‍♀️

Definitely food banks- try and sort that today you poor thing. X

@HaventGotAScoob i honestly hadn’t even considered food banks. I will have a look into it. I do just about get by with my mum helping me with dinners for the kids. I only have to feed them 3 nights a week as their dad has them for some evenings and they eat at childcare 2 nights. They get school lunches which their dad pays for. I’m lucky that my employer pays pretty much all my car bills - insurance is covered through work as is my road tax. All I have to do is put £20 in it a week. I’m going to look into UC again soon as this just can’t continue. I am on my knees with stress and worry x

That's very true.

My youngest son (4) wears 2nd hand school uniform from the school shop. They sell it at £1 per item. It was all immaculate when we bought it.

We could easily afford to buy new, but why waste money?

My two brother-in-laws earn more than me, but complain about being skint. They have newish BMWs on the drive that they swap/upgrade on a regular basis, get expensive Ocado shops every week, all the latest Apple tech, etc.

The only reason they're short of money is because they appear to see spending their take home pay as a monthly target rather than limit.

@NoisySnail I was going to say the same thing. That's the element that differs so much. I know some people who appear to be struggling but it's down to choices they have made. A prime example was a neighbour many years ago. They constantly bitched about having to rent and never being able to save a deposit but they spent money like there was no tomorrow. Takeaways constantly, the latest high tech stuff, designer clothes for themselves and kids etc. I had my kid complaining constantly about what we didn't have and their kid teased mine for being poor. At the time I was buying everything second hand and budgeting every penny. Yet when we moved on to our new house they were begrudging telling us we were lucky and isn't it so easy for some people.

There are people who are terrible at budgeting and spend money on lots of little things and then struggle. But these people have always existed.

Housing is the issue.
Higher food prices affects everyone as does higher utility bills. Childcare bills have always been difficult but it is for relatively few years. Housing is the big change.

Neither I or my DH are paid much. But we are mortgage free. A couple have moved in door with their two children and are renting, and we could not afford the rent they are paying.

It varies for everyone - as does privilege/luck.

We're lucky - we have no rent/mortgage to pay. (However there is a chance in the future we could lose our home and then we'd have nothing.)

Unlucky - DH was made redundant in 2020.

More complicated - He's now essentially trying to work full time hours for a pittance (as in 5-6,000 a year), but it means he can work around the needs of our DS with ASD. We couldn't manage logistically if he worked out of the house or on fixed hours, and he's working to try and cover his bills - car etc. My wage covers all household costs. We are struggling a bit less now we get DLA for DS.

Just in case you really have no idea (sounds a bit 'I'm alright jack' to me!)
Mortgage 850 (. 550,)
Groceries/general shopping 900 ( 240)
Car/fuel 100 ( 400 used to work so counts as expenses . )
4 x mobile phones 100 ( 5 for mine)
Council tax 125 ish. ( 120 with single person discount)
Loan/credit card 150. ( 0)
Gas/electric 250. (55)
Kids hobbies 150 ( 0)
= £2625

So that approx £965. For one person and feeding son when he on uni holidays. My take home is approx £1200 ( varies due to self employment). But I'm not struggling

I agree with this poster - it's death by a thousand cuts. We are actually not struggling, but we know many people that are and I can't see that it's one specific thing.

If I had to pick one specific thing (at a macro level) that has gravely affected my generation (millennial) more than anything else, I think I would choose "housing stock" - but I'm not even sure if that is the correct answer.

I think conversations around these issues are very confused. We have people who work hard, make good decisions and yet due to circumstances beyond their control struggle. This is awful. It’s also very different from people who make poor financial decisions, big house with big mortgage (Beyond means), fancy car (x2) on finance (almost another mortgage), numerous holidays per year. Then say they have no money/are struggling. That is lifestyle choice

Exactly. Of course a lot of people are struggling with high housing costs, childcare etc, but the reality is that a lot of people make expensive choices that cost a lot more than what a true 'basic' amount is.

High rent or mortgage because they will only live in an expensive area.

Private school, tuition. Only a tiny minority choose to pay these costs.

A bedroom for each child, often with a double bed. Whatever happened to children sharing rooms and sleeping in single beds?

Buying brands, above average grocery bills, bought lunches, coffee habits.

Mobile phone bills and subscriptions far higher than they need to be.

They claim to 'not be able to afford anything nice' but in reality they already have a lot of 'nice' and they could free up money for holidays if they hadn't already spent so much money on every day basics.

Aside from the whys and wherefores of who is struggling and why, being accused of being 'out of touch' usually means its just a case of reading the room.

OP works in a GP, so openly discussing with a well-paid Practice Partner about which Maldives island is the best could be seen as out of touch. Likewise saying to other receptionists on similar wages but who can only dream of a caravan in Skegness that you can't decide whether to go to Dubai or Cancun might also be a bit off. "You're out of touch" is usually just a polite way of saying 'please stop bragging'.

If they've got the hump that you mentioned you're going away to Majorca for a week in what is relatively standard small talk for this time of year, well that's on them.

I’m a disabled single parent and cannot work due to my disability/severe chronic pain. I haven’t been on holiday for 6 years and probably will never afford to go on holiday again. My mum recently brought up she’s going on holiday with my siblings and I smiled and was happy for her but in private, I’m very resentful because I cannot afford it. I look at my ex who claims he never has money to pay child maintenance, yet is constantly going on holiday and weekends away. I don’t think you should have to mind what you say so it doesn’t ‘offend’ people though - that’s on them. Just don’t brag or look down on people who can’t do the same.

If you eat properly you can’t really get it much cheaper! I do a bulk order of meat and fish from muscle foods. I also bulk buy rice, pasta, toilet roll, washing powder, shampoo + conditioner and razors from Costco. We still spend £500 a month!

We have lunches like beans/egg on toast about 4 days a week. I make at least two dinners a week with no meat/fish using lentils/beans instead.

I really don’t know what people who spend less are eating!

Any tips would be very welcome as we are looking for ways to cut costs.

We find a lot of the cost comes from household essentials - washing machine / dishwasher tabs, cleaning supplies, shampoo and conditioner, that kind of thing

Are you already using Aldi/Lidl/supermarket own brands?

Your car costs are also something I'd look to avoid.

We paid £9k for a 2nd hand Lexus SUV in 2018. We've serviced it every year and had to replace standard things like tyres, brakes and the 12v battery.

You're spending £4200 a year for your car. Maybe plan for the end of your contract and try to save a few thousand so that you can switch to standard ownership without monthly payments.

People questioning £800 p/month for food - how do you spend less?? We're two adults, two small children and can easily spend this. We eat meat and fish, fresh veg, we have 3 lactose intolerant so have to spend a lot on the right milk, cheese, yoghurt etc (example nearly £2 a day on lactose free milk / oat milk, cant cut this out as have 1 toddler 1 baby and a coffee addict)... We don't do takeaways or alcohol, one or two meals a week will be freezer food / fresh pizza. We find a lot of the cost comes from household essentials - washing machine / dishwasher tabs, cleaning supplies, shampoo and conditioner, that kind of thing. Any tips would be very welcome as we are looking for ways to cut costs.

H is on 65,000 FT and I'm on 12,000 PT. Monthly costs: Childcare 1,000 for 3 days, mortgage 1,000, Car 350, council tax 250, electricity and gas 200 minimum. I realise we are lucky but playing catch up from living in a city where childcare / mortgage / rents were double what we're paying now. Moved as we were struggling month to month.

In our tightest years, we were paying full time childcare and the mortgage while earning just enough that meant we weren't eligible for any benefits help.

Our childcare was subsidised by my work but was still more every month than our mortgage.

Once we aged out of childcare into school the money budget loosened a bit (phew!) but the time budget struggled as I had a busy stressful job and we had no family around who could help.

Debt for car £600.

IMHO this would have been completely avoidable, if you'd bought a sensible 2nd hand car for £2-3k. Why have you entered into such an expensive contract when you say you're struggling?

credit card debt £150

Is this the minimum payment or are you cleaning the debt?

water £90

Do you have a leak? We pay £25 p/m for a family of 4.

I mean, it's not your fault, and it's not your son's fault. But it's so fucking unfair that my parents worked their fingers to the bone, never earning enough to be approved for a mortgage, but not quite little enough for a council house, so have been crippled by private rents their whole lives and now face homelessness in their retirement (but I guess at least then they'll get a council house!)
And DH and I can barely make ends meet despite both having degrees and decent-ish jobs (I'm NHS but still), and still aren't eligible for any help!
Yet other people, by sheer luck of the draw, get a house and a top up of free cash from the government, completely arbitrarily, even though their situation is otherwise identical to ours.
As I said, not your fault, and of course your son should claim whatever he's been deemed entitled to. But it's really, really shit for the rest of us who just get squeezed and squeezed and get nothing back from this shitshow of a government.

£1000 mortgage, £1000 childcare (one child, 3 days a week), £300 council tax... I could go on...

I’m accustomed to seeing extortionate rents unfortunately, but your food and council tax amounts are obscene. How did we get here?

Aw lovely please use the food banks. There are lots around that don't require a referral/require you to be on benefits. You poor soul, life is tough.

I don’t think you were wrong to mention your holiday and I think it was unfair for someone to say you are out of touch. From what you have said you clearly have worked hard to be in the position you are in and have made good and practical financial decisions to allow you to have your holidays now. Enjoy!

I think conversations around these issues are very confused. We have people who work hard, make good decisions and yet due to circumstances beyond their control struggle. This is awful. It’s also very different from people who make poor financial decisions, big house with big mortgage (Beyond means), fancy car (x2) on finance (almost another mortgage), numerous holidays per year. Then say they have no money/are struggling. That is lifestyle choice.

High mortgage in an expensive area but can’t really move as kids settled in school and need to be near their father.

Mortgage rates just gone up.

Also the hobbies they want to do are things like music and drama so cost money - can’t just be football or something comparatively cheap!