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Original poster

To consider a bigger rental flat when DH is unemployed?

88 replies

leftorrightnow · 23/04/2024 11:22

This is a tricky situation and lots of emotions involved, so please be gentle!

  • We live in a two bed flat with two kids, 7 and 9 years old, they share a room, this room is also DH's home office
  • The flat is rental, we love the area and it's near my job and the kids' school which is a great school where we'd like them to stay and they are thriving there
  • The flat, however, has glass doors into the living room from the kids' room, so after they've gone to bed and we have closed those doors, we have to be very quiet in the living room and can't speak in more than hushed tones, can't watch a film etc..
  • DD, who is 9, is begging for her own room consistently and is also introvert and needs her space
  • We had been planning to get a mortgage this after the summer last year but in September, DH lost his job due to a crisis in his industry, which is still ongoing, with high levels of unemployment globally. Currently the outlook for his reemployment is uncertain (he is doing all he can, don't want to overload the post with details on this..)
  • My job situation is stable and my job is well-paid enough that we can with no problems stay in this flat, on my income and his unemployment support, which he is guaranteed for two years (17 months more from now). We can even still have the occasional meal out and are going on holiday this year, and have not touched our savings yet.
  • I am considering looking for another rental in our area with one more room and a rent increase of approx. GBP 200-300 per month. On our current income we can manage that, just would have to cut back a bit on 'fun' spending like new clothes and meals out and holidays, but not to the extent of cutting it all, just being a bit more careful.
  • But is this a bad move, given that A) getting a mortgage would be better in the long run, and we would be able to get that (a bit further out though) once DH is hopefully employed again - but when will this be we don't know B) increasing expenses when one person is unemployed seems irresponsible, isn't it C) the loss of deposit (it always happens, right??) would then be times two, and the other costs associated with moving are also to be considered.
  • BUT: I feel so bad not being able to provide the kids each their room, I'm being driven mad by the lack of privacy for DH and I, and every time someone comes around I feel a bit embarrassed about the small space and the kids sharing a room and with DH's computer in there too (I know this last pint is so superficial, but had to mention it).

What would you all do?

OP posts:
TheFlis · 23/04/2024 14:04

To be honest I think you’re being a bit frivolous going for regular meals out and holidays when he is unemployed and his prospects are not looking good. I would be saving as much as you can until he has a job again, rather than looking to increase your living costs.

Original poster
leftorrightnow · 23/04/2024 13:58

theeyeofdoe · 23/04/2024 13:56

I wouldn't move either.

Ask the landlord if you can put up some curtains over the doors - big heavy ones and then they will block out both the sound and the light from the TV in the evening.

we have a small roll-down curtain block the light but not sound

OP posts:
theeyeofdoe · 23/04/2024 13:56

I wouldn't move either.

Ask the landlord if you can put up some curtains over the doors - big heavy ones and then they will block out both the sound and the light from the TV in the evening.

Original poster
leftorrightnow · 23/04/2024 13:55

siameselife · 23/04/2024 13:42

OP has said that he is better off claiming unemployment benefits for two years.
So it makes more sense for him to study and job hunt.
Although long term it may not be feasible for him to stay in this country if he can't gain fluency because he is always going to find work hard.

I also think he needs to focus on improving his language skills here. But it’s a real struggle to get him to do it as it wasn’t needed at all when he was working as his industry is so international and he was working remotely a lot of the time, so I think he refuses to face having to learn the language. It’s a hard language to learn too. I’m working on convincing him, but her other thing is he’s applying for jobs pretty much every day so keeps thinking it is just that little bit longer, think he is a bit in denial

OP posts:
siameselife · 23/04/2024 13:42

OP has said that he is better off claiming unemployment benefits for two years.
So it makes more sense for him to study and job hunt.
Although long term it may not be feasible for him to stay in this country if he can't gain fluency because he is always going to find work hard.

GingerPirate · 23/04/2024 13:31

I'm sorry, but ...
I know.
How is DH doing "everything he can", if he lost his job in September?
If I was him (I'm a migrant, my English wasn't great at the beginning) I'd be taking any job to bring some money in, especially with a family.

Original poster
leftorrightnow · 23/04/2024 12:19

Jeezitneverends · 23/04/2024 12:03

Can dh put his desk in your bedroom?
I don’t think I’d be making a bigger financial commitment when the employment situation is so shaky

Yes, this is something I am seriously considering too! and then blocking the glass doors somehow, keeping them closed, so the kids get more their own space.
The thing about moving is also, it always gets more expensive than you thought...there you need to get some new stuff, there are extra charges cropping up etc etc...I am just so sick and tired of our living situation.

OP posts:
Whatsitcalled38 · 23/04/2024 12:17

Switch bedrooms with the kids, keep DHs office in that room though. I don't think it's fair to be using your kids room as an office. DD will probably feel more like its a private room when not also sharing the space with her father and his stuff.

Original poster
leftorrightnow · 23/04/2024 12:16

littlemousebigcheese · 23/04/2024 12:06

Did you say you had a playroom? Can one of the children have that as a bedroom?

sorry called it playroom by force of habit, in the beginning when DH were younger, we all slept in the bedroom and that room was the kids' playroom and DH's home office, now it is the kids bedroom/playroom/DH office.

OP posts:
Toooldtocareanymore · 23/04/2024 12:12

i'd move , this doesn't sound pleasant day to day, and you can afford it rent wise from your salary, all you are loosing is the moving cost from your savings, and this is after all your life, it's going to get harder as kids get bigger, and from what you say , with retraining, language fluency, industry problems,etc realistically there will be no real likelihood of change for at least couple of years- a mortgage i'd suspect is unlikely to be approved till your husband has at least a years'' worth of employment. So i'd plan for your life now, not what it will be in 3 years time - what you can afford now and what the payback would be which sounds a lot, i don't think this is irresponsible spending. Maybe while working on language skills he could look for something part time, all he has to bring is a £100 a week and you are better off. I think you all deserve a good night's sleep and some privacy, it seems you can get this with not a lot of extra per month and make everything far more comfortable.

MuscariFan · 23/04/2024 12:11

Kids get room each. You sleep in lounge.

I never get this as a suggestion. Children sharing a room is not child cruelty. They are similar ages and young enough for it not to be a problem. Why on earth should the adults lose all privacy?

Money is not infinite, the husband in this case is out of work. Everyone surely should just suck up the fact that life is not perfect at the moment and crack on?

littlemousebigcheese · 23/04/2024 12:06

Did you say you had a playroom? Can one of the children have that as a bedroom?

Original poster
leftorrightnow · 23/04/2024 12:04

lateatwork · 23/04/2024 11:57

Don't sleep in the living room then - that won't work. Both kids. Same room. But if you have G/B children, your oldest may not be happy sharing with her brother for long.

On the co-working space bit, I'd ask him to look into it and discussed costs etc why? Because dual screen set up takes up a lot of space- and he could maybe rent a desk and leave his gear there? It would also mean he is out of the house every day, improving his language skills and meeting new people for potential opportunities in adjacent fields.

Not having his big desk in a small apartment would make the place feel more spacious

Show quote history

yes I thought the same but turned out renting a co working space with the specifications he needs is around GBP 300!!! he is very worried about finances and quite frugal so think it's better not to, but if we tally it up the you're right that would be less than the cost of increased rent, and also easier to give up again if circumstances change whereas moving and committing to higher rent is much more long term

OP posts:
Jeezitneverends · 23/04/2024 12:03

Can dh put his desk in your bedroom?
I don’t think I’d be making a bigger financial commitment when the employment situation is so shaky

Original poster
leftorrightnow · 23/04/2024 12:01

ChooksnChicks · 23/04/2024 11:57

Do not increase your outgoings voluntarily right now.

Can you sleep with an eye mask and earplugs? Sleep is precious to me and I have a whole palaver with various sleep aids to ensure I get enough sleep.

Rejig your living space to work better for your family. Be a good example of frugal living to children. This will pass.

Hello fellow insomniac! I already cant' sleep AT ALL without eye mask, wax earplugs, special socks, the perfect temperature and prodding DH about en times to make him stop (lightly snoring) lol
so you see why the thought of disrupting my sleep environment isn't appealing to me...

yes I think you are right we need to stay put. DH thinks so too..

OP posts:
lateatwork · 23/04/2024 11:57

leftorrightnow · 23/04/2024 11:51

Yes this is the challenge, he needs dual screens and very high speed internet for his stuff, as well as special programmes on the computer, it is not a laptop situation.

I know my mum suggested that too but the thing is I am a TERRIBLE sleeper. Like terrible suffered severe insomnia for years and still frequently sleep badly. The living room has lots of windows and it would be near impossible to make it dark...I feel I would be giving up my sleep sanctuary which is key to me functioning in daily life...

but the idea of giving the kids the other room may not be bad...the thing is though that it is smaller than the current room, so not sure they'd be happier.

Show quote history

Don't sleep in the living room then - that won't work. Both kids. Same room. But if you have G/B children, your oldest may not be happy sharing with her brother for long.

On the co-working space bit, I'd ask him to look into it and discussed costs etc why? Because dual screen set up takes up a lot of space- and he could maybe rent a desk and leave his gear there? It would also mean he is out of the house every day, improving his language skills and meeting new people for potential opportunities in adjacent fields.

Not having his big desk in a small apartment would make the place feel more spacious

ChooksnChicks · 23/04/2024 11:57

Do not increase your outgoings voluntarily right now.

Can you sleep with an eye mask and earplugs? Sleep is precious to me and I have a whole palaver with various sleep aids to ensure I get enough sleep.

Rejig your living space to work better for your family. Be a good example of frugal living to children. This will pass.

Heronwatcher · 23/04/2024 11:57

Stay put and build up savings to get a mortgage. No doubt. Agreed with switching the rooms so you have the glass doors- I don’t see what difference that would make (I don’t think I’d really mind my room being open during the day as long as you can get it tidy before night time)? And if it doesn’t work then you can change it back. Also if you’re switching the rooms see if you can either put in a partition or get a proper screen or shelving unit to divide the kids’ rooms up a bit more obviously- I suspect a change and a bit more privacy will go a long way. Future financial security will benefit your 9yr old much more, even if she doesn’t quite appreciate it yet.

paintingvenice · 23/04/2024 11:56

Can you hang heavy curtains across the glass doors to absorb a little of the sound from the living room? If you have some storage you could take the glass doors off and hang solid doors as well and just replace the glass doors when you move out?

Or put a small seat and TV in your bedroom? And move into the bedroom when the kids go to sleep?

Original poster
leftorrightnow · 23/04/2024 11:56

...then they wouldn't have each their room still, but they'd have more of their own space, and that way we could maybe get rid of the bunks and they could have each their separate beds and more of a 'divided' room.

We would also ove out the city and then we would have more space for the money (we are in the capital and an expensive area) but the thing is we all love the area, the kids are in a very good school (very hard to get into as well and it is a secondary school too) and I can bike to work, so if we oved out I'd be home so late and have hardly any time with the kids

OP posts:
Original poster
leftorrightnow · 23/04/2024 11:54

user1492757084 · 23/04/2024 11:50

Stay where you are. You are happy and you and your children have the security of home until your husband is reemployed.
Reconfigure the rooms. Have fun doing that.
Consider making your room the one with the glass doors and putting up a divider of some sort in the other room for the kids.

One thing I have thought about is to simply block the glass doors and giving up on the convenience of having them open during the day. Blocking them with some boards to soundproof, and maybe putting the kids bunk bed there...and then maybe moving DH's computer into our bedroom, which means he can't work after I want to go to sleep, but he would have to live with that, given he has all day to do that now, should be able to manage!

OP posts:
Maglian · 23/04/2024 11:52

Parents swap rooms with kids and use parents' room as an extra living space in the day? I'm not suggesting an extra sofa, but maybe a TV or console and lots of cushions on the bed.

Can throwing money at the problem help? Eg a foldaway bed to increase living space, an ottoman bed would improve storage, foldaway desk. I know funds are a bit tight but one offs are easier to manage than committing to increased monthly spends and potentially 2x moving costs.

Original poster
leftorrightnow · 23/04/2024 11:51

lateatwork · 23/04/2024 11:45

Kids get room each. You sleep in lounge. Younger kid gets dad's desk in their room.

Once hubby finds job, look to buy or rent a bigger place.

Hubby could also work for co-working place (which is cheaper than moving....) or library etc Depends if his stuff is portable - IE can do most without dual screens etc

Yes this is the challenge, he needs dual screens and very high speed internet for his stuff, as well as special programmes on the computer, it is not a laptop situation.

I know my mum suggested that too but the thing is I am a TERRIBLE sleeper. Like terrible suffered severe insomnia for years and still frequently sleep badly. The living room has lots of windows and it would be near impossible to make it dark...I feel I would be giving up my sleep sanctuary which is key to me functioning in daily life...

but the idea of giving the kids the other room may not be bad...the thing is though that it is smaller than the current room, so not sure they'd be happier.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 23/04/2024 11:50

Stay where you are. You are happy and you and your children have the security of home until your husband is reemployed.
Reconfigure the rooms. Have fun doing that.
Consider making your room the one with the glass doors and putting up a divider of some sort in the other room for the kids.

MILTOBE · 23/04/2024 11:49

That's a terrible idea, giving your bedroom to one of the children and sleeping in the living room!