To ask MIL to stop posting photos of DS on social media?

What stood out to me is that your DH asked her not to do this "3 times" and was ignored, which is totally unacceptable - and why does it need to be SM anyway, rather than sending them to friends privately if she must?

As PPs have said, the only answer is to send/allow no more pictures for now, and say why ... though you could also commit to reviewing it if she's sensible for a few months

What are her achievements in life she should post about them.
Probably hasn't got any. It's so dull out there.
Pics of kids, grandkids are boring it's not an achievement at all. It's all normal stuff.

When I see pics and pics and mentions of the family on some people's Facebook I think yes but what have you actually done in life.
Climbed Mount Everest, started a charity, saved someone's life, you get it.

There is a deeply concerning “Mom influencer” who posts lots of her toddler daughter eating “Sausage” or “Pickle” shaped edibles .

She has tons of male followers.

It’s absolutely abusive, making money out of a child’s innocence , and should be banned.

My MIL was told no photos and the reasons why - I'd be more than happy to fall out with her for good if she posted anything. It's literally points scoring by selling out other peoples privacy.

She may not see what she's doing wrong and therefore feel hurt but you are absolutely in the right here and your kids will likely be glad when they are older that this is what you did.

I used to post pics of my older son but have completely stopped now and nothing has ever gone up of DS2. I don't actually have a rule of not allowing family members to post pics but they have taken their cue from us and none of them do.

I agree that sending her that video and a couple of articles about kids' right to control their own digital footprint and the potential abuse of photos could be helpful. If that doesn't make a difference then maybe she is just selfish.

But don't feel uneasy about this OP, you have been quite forbearing actually. Shocking she would post photos YOU took and sent to her to be nice! I would be so upset having family pics online without even the filter of deciding myself what went up. It's really poor behaviour.

YANBU.

Prior to our daughter's birth we were clear with my in-laws (my parents don't use social media) that no photos of her were to be posted. If we decided to post something, they could share it but that was it. My MIL is a gem and completely understood, and tbh wouldn't post a lot anyway. It still didn't stop my FIL posting baby's name on Facebook before I'd even told my own parents as I was still in the immediate aftermath of labour!!!! Needless to say my husband was furious.

As it happens I've only posted twice about my baby - an arrival photo and a birthday one. And tbh I won't be posting more myself. Friends have occasionally (maybe twice) asked to upload a photo to their stories if my daughter has been playing with their kids on a day out etc and I've consented. But that will be the height of it until she decides what she wants to put up herself. We have selected "no" to photos being published by her nursery of her. I happily send photos directly to family and friends who care about her and ask after her.

Ironically my FIL who would have been the only one posting her everywhere in the early days if he had free rein has seen her a handful of times in the last year and it's at the point where they have no relationship and won't have one going forward as we're not having inconsistent people in her life. He has a sister who posts her kids and grandkids everywhere and would just want to show off given half a chance.

Your child, your rules.

Yeah your not making the case for mils who overstep 😂

Completely fine she doesn't need to post her dgc on social media.

Interesting she ignored her son's request and now she's literally ignoring you. She does not like being told what to do.

Sorry but I’m not sure what your DIL has done wrong here ? Surely it’s polite to phone and arrange a mutually convenient time to see your GS rather than just turn up? Thats not being controlling that’s just boundaries - you don’t have an automatic right to see a family member when ever you want ! DIL has a life too!!!

And if parents don’t want photos on SM I really don’t see how that’s controlling !! The moment images are shared online, you loose control of them. Is a few likes from some random friends worth the risk of FB being hacked & the images ending up in goodness knows whose hands ?!? Children deserve a right to privacy & a GP wanting to show off to their mates online doesn’t trump that.

Ageist and very incorrect in my experience.

Eh? Im speaking from lived experience

You need to TELL her to stop it and explain to her about the infant and child porn which appears on unscrupulous websites, she would have a pink fit if it happened to her grandchild.

Has she actually stopped posting pics?
That's what's most important, IMO.

So what if she's upset with you? Let her be upset if she wants to waste energy on something so silly. I say enjoy the silence

She can be upset and ignoring you as much she wants. You and your DH make the rules about your child and if she doesn't follow them then don't send her any pics/videos/updates.

I'm a nan to a 2 and a half year old granddaughter.
I rarely post any pics of her on SM ( have occasionally posted a pic of us where she isn't looking at the camera so you can't see her face ) . I do this for my own reasons . Her mother ( my daughter ) posts occasional pics but less now she's older . Her child , her business .
I still have asked when I've posted a pic ( even though it's pretty impossible to tell who she is ) .
Hope that helps ... I don't think you're being unreasonable at all . After all she's welcome to take pics and show them to individual friends .
Personally , I think as a rule most people like to see a pic to be polite and that's it !! I'm the only Nan in my friendship group so tend not to "Nan " talk too much .
She's a delight of course and a massive part of my life that I don't share with everyone xx

We have no photos anywhere of our DC. They can be used for anything, especially with AI and what the next 20 years of AI development will bring.

I don't even let family send photos in WhatsApp groups with their friends.

"She sounds like a very proud grandma. Maybe a better way would be to help her with her privacy posting."

I'm an incredibly proud granny but I don't post any pics of my grandchildren on social media because I've been asked not to. That's the end of it!

I'm astounded on here sometimes at the behaviour of some grandparents, who don't respect the boundaries set by their grandchildren's parents. It doesn't matter if you don't agree or don't like it. You have to suck it up and be grateful that you're part of your grandchildren's lives. The more supportive and non-judgmental you are, the more you'll be invited to be involved.

As a GP, she is just extremely proud and wants to show off her GC. No-one wants to think of the dangers that are out there and unless you do actually have first hand experience it's hard to conceive that someone could take an innocent photo of a child and do something so horrendous with it. That video cheepcheepcheep posted is pretty hard hitting and explains it all, it's opened my eyes to things you could never imagine. Just show her that but go easy on her, she's not doing it out of malice and try come up with alternatives you are happy with.

YANBU - perfectly reasonable to not have images of your child on SM.

Your MIL obviously has a real issues with boundaries - she completely ignored your DH when he stated this one and is not sulkily ignoring you. She sound very immature. I suspect this pattern of behaviour will be repeated with many simple things over the years.

Sorry @InATizzz It is draining and disappointing to have emotionally immature parents.

She sounds like a very proud grandma. Maybe a better way would be to help her with her privacy posting. This would only allow those people she wanted to view the pictures to see them and prevent the posts being shared

Of course she's excited but that doesn't mean she can go against the parents wishes. The OP and her DP have been very clear that they don't want any photos of their child shared on social media. Changing the privacy settings may reduce how many people see the image, but it doesn't stop the problem of it being posted without their / their child's permission.

Oh trot on with your ageist crap.

This

Regardless of whether or not you decide to post 1 photo or 1,000, you have asked your MIL to stop, as is your right and for her to disregard that request then sulk about it is just wrong. Yes, she loves her GC, yes she's excited but that does not give her the right to ignore your request.

Best of luck going forward xxx

She sounds like a very proud grandma. Maybe a better way would be to help her with her privacy posting. This would only allow those people she wanted to view the pictures to see them and prevent the posts being shared. I do feel for your MIL having been in a similar situation. My DS ex tried to control everything regarding my DGS. It was and is hurtful. I even had to phone every time I wanted to visit to virtually make an appointment to see him. My DS was between a rock and a hard place. Trying to please her and not upset me. I think its lovely how excited your MIL was and is and it seems she is now hurt. Invite her around for dinner and between you your DP and his Mum come to an agreement of which social media platform she uses. Don't be cross with her.

Maybe you could take some very unflattering photos of her and plaster them all over Facebook.