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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About unruly teens and that mum at theatre

143 replies

DougJudysSisterTrudiesDog · 22/04/2024 22:47

Name changed for this.

i took my DC and a friend to the theatre. The play is specifically geared for GCSE students, so basically everyone in the audience is 15/16, and every group must be accompanied by a parent.

The seat next to mine was empty. The next seat, and seats after that, had a group of teens that showed up with buckets of popcorn, pinched each other, playfought, talked and loudly munched non stop.

After 45 minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore. I leaned over the empty seat, gave the boy nearest to me a sharp tap on the shoulder (he was six feet tall so I’m guessing 16), and told him “Can you please stop talking? It’s really annoying”.

During the break, the mother came over to talk to me. I assumed she wanted to apologise. Wrong! She accused me of hitting her child, demanded I apologise, and said it was assault and if I ever did it again she would report me to the police. I said I did not hit her child, I tapped him on the shoulder, and she should have prevented her party from disrupting the performance long before I did so. I also told her it should be her boys apologising to me and others around us for ruining their evening. She kept repeating herself, so after a while, I said I thought the conversation was over.

Other parents also intervened: one dad said the boys hadn’t bothered him, and three other parents told the mother to drop it, that her children were very rude and that even if I hit the boy (I didn’t), that was justified by their behaviour and they would have done the same.

WIBU to tell the boy off? I don’t think I was. I think it’s possible my tap was sharper than I had wished, because he was leaning over the other side to chat to his friends, and I had to lean over the empty seat so it was a bit awkward. But I am 100% sure I did not hurt him, though I think I startled him. If I want to be charitable I would say the mum felt chastised about her parenting so she lashed out at me, and will give her head a wobble later. But as a regular theatre goer, I think I taught the boy a valuable life lesson.

AIBU?

In case this matters, I’ve never hit my DCs and I don’t agree with physical punishment or violence.

OP posts:
Flocke · 23/04/2024 09:10

Marblessolveeverything · 23/04/2024 09:07

@Flocke yes it is how a person felt. A court would be ruling and they balance up the perspectives of the individuals.

I can pretty much guarantee that someone tapping someone else on the shoulder to tell them they've dropped their wallet would never make it to court.

Gettingonmygoat · 23/04/2024 09:09

Alwaysalwayscold · 23/04/2024 09:06

It's not about being "hard". In my walk of life (gypsy) if you'd tapped someone's child on the shoulder you'd be lucky if that's all you got. We are extremely loving and generous people but there are certain lines in life that you don't cross. One of those being giving someone a "sharp tap" on the shoulder.

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As extremely loving and generous people i take it you wouldn't allow your offspring to behave like brats like these ones in the theatre did, i assume you would never allow them to upset other people.

Marblessolveeverything · 23/04/2024 09:07

@Flocke yes it is how a person felt. A court would be ruling and they balance up the perspectives of the individuals.

Alwaysalwayscold · 23/04/2024 09:06

Couldyounot · 23/04/2024 09:01

But if you'd tapped me on the shoulder I'd have punched you in the face, without a doubt.

Ooh, you're 'ard

It's not about being "hard". In my walk of life (gypsy) if you'd tapped someone's child on the shoulder you'd be lucky if that's all you got. We are extremely loving and generous people but there are certain lines in life that you don't cross. One of those being giving someone a "sharp tap" on the shoulder.

Flocke · 23/04/2024 09:03

Marblessolveeverything · 23/04/2024 09:00

@Flocke the law would work on the balance of the individuals. So older person falling, imminent danger, not assault.

But really it is so simple. Keep your hands to yourself. Honestly this is why I despair. The OP tapped, poked, touched a teen she should have used her words, simples.

But if the person the older person grabbed FELT like they were assaulted why were they not? You said it was about how the person felt. The person being tapped isn't being assaulted either. But they might feel like it.
Using words doesn't help if the person is wearing headphones or maybe deaf. Tapping to alert them they dropped their wallet may be appropriate.

Honestly this is why no one stops to help anyone anymore.

dapsnotplimsolls · 23/04/2024 09:03

Marblessolveeverything · 23/04/2024 09:00

@Flocke the law would work on the balance of the individuals. So older person falling, imminent danger, not assault.

But really it is so simple. Keep your hands to yourself. Honestly this is why I despair. The OP tapped, poked, touched a teen she should have used her words, simples.

She tapped him to get his attention without speaking. That's the whole point.

Couldyounot · 23/04/2024 09:01

But if you'd tapped me on the shoulder I'd have punched you in the face, without a doubt.

Ooh, you're 'ard

kalokagathos · 23/04/2024 09:00

You were right 100%

Marblessolveeverything · 23/04/2024 09:00

@Flocke the law would work on the balance of the individuals. So older person falling, imminent danger, not assault.

But really it is so simple. Keep your hands to yourself. Honestly this is why I despair. The OP tapped, poked, touched a teen she should have used her words, simples.

Marine30 · 23/04/2024 08:58

CrikeyMajikey · 22/04/2024 23:20

Something similar happened to my family recently, it was at a secondary school show. During the intermission the noisy and annoying 17/18 year olds in the row behind us headed off but left their sweets behind, so I ate them! I think they were too stunned (or may be thought I was crazy) to argue when they asked who had taken them and I loudly said, “me, me, they’re my favourites, you don’t mind do you?”. Didn’t hear a squeak out of them in the second half.

Brilliant 😂

Alwaysalwayscold · 23/04/2024 08:52

SoEmbarrassed2024 · 23/04/2024 08:20

But if you'd tapped me on the shoulder I'd have punched you in the face, without a doubt.

Anyone laying a hand on my children would be in serious trouble and I mean any and all legal options available to me.

And people like this is why the world is going to shit. What an utterly ridiculous overreaction to a 16 year old being tapped on the shoulder.

I wonder would it be the same if OP tapped him on the shoulder to tell him he'd dropped his wallet?

I disagree. You don't put your hands on someone without expecting them to retaliate.

Flocke · 23/04/2024 08:40

Marblessolveeverything · 23/04/2024 08:24

@Noyesnoyes what makes you think he wasn't? The law is based on the persons own opinion that is the bar.

Really, people are okay with strangers touching them? Yep can see that going well as plenty have said their first reaction may be to strike out. It isn't difficult, keep your hands to yourself and use your words, the three year olds actually get this!

OK say for example an elderly person fell over and they instinctively grabbed someone next to them. If the person that was grabbed told the police they felt threatened do you think the elderly person would be arrested? If it's all based on how the person felt then surely the answer is yes?

Same as the example above. If you tapped someone wearing headphones to tell them they dropped their wallet, if that person rang the police and said they felt threatened because the person touched them would the other person be arrested?

Marblessolveeverything · 23/04/2024 08:24

@Noyesnoyes what makes you think he wasn't? The law is based on the persons own opinion that is the bar.

Really, people are okay with strangers touching them? Yep can see that going well as plenty have said their first reaction may be to strike out. It isn't difficult, keep your hands to yourself and use your words, the three year olds actually get this!

User1979289 · 23/04/2024 08:22

Yep, modern British parenting in action. And you wonder why we have teachers leaving in droves.

Noyesnoyes · 23/04/2024 08:21

@Marblessolveeverything what makes you think the brat was in fear of assault?

SoEmbarrassed2024 · 23/04/2024 08:20

But if you'd tapped me on the shoulder I'd have punched you in the face, without a doubt.

Anyone laying a hand on my children would be in serious trouble and I mean any and all legal options available to me.

And people like this is why the world is going to shit. What an utterly ridiculous overreaction to a 16 year old being tapped on the shoulder.

I wonder would it be the same if OP tapped him on the shoulder to tell him he'd dropped his wallet?

Noyesnoyes · 23/04/2024 08:19

@Marblessolveeverything

About unruly teens and that mum at theatre
Marblessolveeverything · 23/04/2024 08:13

@Gettingonmygoat now you are being factitious. In the case of preventing harm of course acting accordingly is permitted. The op doesn't refer to any impending danger😠🤬

Marblessolveeverything · 23/04/2024 08:10

@Pastryface so you have never met a traumatised child, a sensory processing challenged child, ND. Can grown adults not keep their hands to themselves?

Gettingonmygoat · 23/04/2024 08:08

Marblessolveeverything It's never acceptable to touch anyone ? does that include if your child is just about to step in front of a car, surely you would want someone to pull them back or should they just be allowed to be run over ?

Seymour5 · 23/04/2024 08:08

Pastryface · 23/04/2024 08:02

If a16 year old lad can't cope with a tap on the shoulder and a telling off without running to his mum, I despair.

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I couldn’t agree more!

@Flocke I’m 70+ and know exactly what you mean.

Pastryface · 23/04/2024 08:02

Marblessolveeverything · 23/04/2024 01:38

I don't have unruly brats. It isn't acceptable to touch other people. By all means complain to the person or ask staff to assist but keep your hands to yourself.

It is never accepted to touch anyone, for those at the back claiming it is, the law says differently.

If a16 year old lad can't cope with a tap on the shoulder and a telling off without running to his mum, I despair.

Flocke · 23/04/2024 08:01

It's threads like these that genuinely make me glad I'm the age I am. And actually wish I was older and closer to not being here anymore. The thought of the way the world will be in 30 years is terrifying. When we can't even tap someone on the shoulder without being threatened with being punched or being arrested.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 23/04/2024 08:00

She didn't poke him, she tapped him on the shoulder

Marblessolveeverything · 23/04/2024 07:58

Noyesnoyes · 23/04/2024 04:50

What law prevents people from tapping others to attract their attention?

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"He/She applies force, causing an impact on the body of another person." Poking someone would constitute this.

From the Irish Garda website. You are welcome

And as my old law professor used to say, putting someone in fear of assault is assault.

Anyone laying a hand on my children would be in serious trouble and I mean any and all legal options available to me.

It is not okay to touch another human being without their consent. Seriously we teach toddlers to keep their hands to themselves and use their words!