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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does this sound aggressive to you?

143 replies

queensonia · 22/04/2024 18:35

I am on friendly terms with a neighbour. A couple of weeks ago her cat went missing and I promised to look out for him. I hadn’t heard from her for a while so I texted her: “Any news of Fluffy??” She replied. “Why do you always use so many question marks??????! Not sure if you’re aware but it comes across as aggressive”.
I apologised for accidentally offending her but WTF? Would anyone else find two question marks aggressive? I know Gen Z get in a twist about misuse of emojis but this woman is 60!

OP posts:
Amx · 22/04/2024 19:40

More than one ? Triggers me. It's rude.

Wallywobbles · 22/04/2024 19:35

My kids told me if I use punctuation of any type in a text it means I'm angry. Generally the two things are not related.

Original poster
queensonia · 22/04/2024 19:32

Gazelda · 22/04/2024 19:27

Showing my ignorance here, but does that mean that when I double x, I'm implying horniness? Is it inappropriate to 'xx' to anyone but my DH?

Oh bloody hell. I never even thought of that. I wonder who else I’ve offended over the years

OP posts:
AliceKyteler · 22/04/2024 19:30

Motnight · 22/04/2024 19:13

Fluffy is in witness protection

Show quote history

😂😂😺
Let's hope so.

TheSnowyOwl · 22/04/2024 19:30

I would read it as you chasing up a response that you had already expected to receive. It doesn’t convey concern to me at all and I’m Gen X.

oui · 22/04/2024 19:28

Sounds like Fluffy has the right idea!

Shootin · 22/04/2024 19:27

I wouldn’t worry.
If I had got a text message with question marks on I would think that the person was concerned about the cat.
IMO I think your neighbour is being petty.
Just act normal next time you see her. But I would keep your distance.

Gazelda · 22/04/2024 19:27

Showing my ignorance here, but does that mean that when I double x, I'm implying horniness? Is it inappropriate to 'xx' to anyone but my DH?

LoobyDop · 22/04/2024 19:22

It does come across as impatient or as though the sender is irritated by being kept waiting for an answer. I wouldn’t have said anything given that you were helping me out, but if nobody had ever told you you’d keep doing it and putting people’s backs up.

Original poster
queensonia · 22/04/2024 19:20

Thanks for all the feedback. It seems like 50% of people would interpret it as me being demanding (which wasn't my intention at all) and the other half wouldn’t give it a second thought. We need some sort of rule book I think so we don’t accidentally start World War 3 with a misplaced semi-colon.

OP posts:
AliceKyteler · 22/04/2024 19:18

She sounds batshit fucking crazy.
I would be so touched if you sent me a text asking me about my cat.
Don't let her issues become yours x

snowlady4 · 22/04/2024 19:17

"Because I want to!!!!!!!!! Only bleedin asking!!!!!"

LynetteScavo · 22/04/2024 19:16

To me, more than one question mark indicates urgency, as though you'd asked already and hadn't received a reply.

Did you you require an update urgently??

Do you also throw in the odd exclamation mark?! Be use that could be considered rude!!!

IncompleteSenten · 22/04/2024 19:16

Texting is almost a whole other language with weird rules and shit.

Punctuation, abbreviations, the lot.
It's a developing form of communication so it's confusing but rules are developing and yes, excessive question marks have different meanings.

A sliding scale.
?= a question
??????? = rude and demanding as fuck

Motnight · 22/04/2024 19:13

platypusweek · 22/04/2024 19:02

But how is fluffy???!

Fluffy is in witness protection

ChedderGorgeous · 22/04/2024 19:12

Also, did you mean to be so rude??

yarnwitch · 22/04/2024 19:04

Maybe she's having a bad day Grin I think your message was fine in that context, but if it's something you 'always' do, as she's said, then yes it can seem a bit impatient/pushy/aggressive.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 22/04/2024 19:03

Hippomumma2 · 22/04/2024 18:46

Maybe the cat left because she was a nut

😆

CoffeeChocolateWine · 22/04/2024 19:03

Yes, I absolutely agree with her and is a pet hate of mine. It comes across as demanding or aggressive or as if it requires an urgent response. It does not come across as if you are showing concern. I hate overuse of question marks or exclamation marks. In the vast majority of cases they are unnecessary and sometimes inappropriate and don't add anything that a singular one doesn't.

platypusweek · 22/04/2024 19:02

But how is fluffy???!

LenaLamont · 22/04/2024 19:01

queensonia · 22/04/2024 18:54

I actually used two question marks to try and show how concerned I was about her lost cat. 🐱

With the double question mark, I read that your intention as "why haven't you updated me on this, damn it" rather than "I am worried on your behalf."

I can understand why your neighbour found that rude/aggressive. However, I doubt I'd have challenged you on it, personally.

Bdaybdilemma · 22/04/2024 18:59

Context is everything. Even if it did come across as.. enthusiastic.. you were clearly being thoughtful and not aggressive. Weird of her to take her stress out on a neighbour

BitOutOfPractice · 22/04/2024 18:59

Wow. There’s someone looking for trouble where there is none.

I’d go with the old - but useful - phrase “don’t trouble trouble till trouble troubles you!”

Motnight · 22/04/2024 18:57

Hippomumma2 · 22/04/2024 18:46

Maybe the cat left because she was a nut

Fluffy has run away from the madness.

ChedderGorgeous · 22/04/2024 18:56

Basically yes, older people often add far too much punctuation on texts/ WhatsApp. Two question marks comes across accusatory/ demanding. Try to just use one next time.