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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does this sound aggressive to you?

143 replies

queensonia · 22/04/2024 18:35

I am on friendly terms with a neighbour. A couple of weeks ago her cat went missing and I promised to look out for him. I hadn’t heard from her for a while so I texted her: “Any news of Fluffy??” She replied. “Why do you always use so many question marks??????! Not sure if you’re aware but it comes across as aggressive”.
I apologised for accidentally offending her but WTF? Would anyone else find two question marks aggressive? I know Gen Z get in a twist about misuse of emojis but this woman is 60!

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 22/04/2024 21:11

If someone cared about my lost cat enough to text me, I would think, aah that's nice that people are concerned. I wouldn't be counting the ruddy question marks.
She sounds Batshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

watermelonsugar56 · 22/04/2024 21:07

Any news on her cat* long day sorry!

watermelonsugar56 · 22/04/2024 21:07

Rude woman. You were only asking how her cat was. She should be more concerned about that not having a go, I wouldn’t think twice if someone used two question marks WTF.

tuvamoodyson · 22/04/2024 21:05

‘Is Fluffy still missing 😂😂😂’ see if she likes that any better.

adviceaunt · 22/04/2024 21:04

you only asked, was a bit aggressive of her to reply to rudely, unless you get on really well i guess

adviceaunt · 22/04/2024 21:03

Shinyeyes · 22/04/2024 18:38

At least you didn't write it ALL IN CAPITALS!!!!!!!!!!!😂

im old and i sent an email to my boss and i knew it was in caps but id written it and couldnt be bothered starting again...

i didnt know caps meant i was shouting....

he wasnt impressed

LenaLamont · 22/04/2024 21:00

Wallywobbles · 22/04/2024 19:35

My kids told me if I use punctuation of any type in a text it means I'm angry. Generally the two things are not related.

My kids agree that ending a text with a full stop is angry or pass/agg.

They say there's an exception for me; if I don't use punctuation they will assume I'm very ill or have been abducted.

WingsofRain · 22/04/2024 20:52

I find multiple question marks and exclamation marks aggressive and I’m nearly 60. I don’t think it’s an age issue.

MummaMummaJumma · 22/04/2024 20:44

My lovely Mum always puts two questions marks. She definitely isn’t trying to rush me for an answer, her SPaG isn’t the best so I think she’s just proud she uses any at all 😂.

Did she get back to you about the cat???????????????????????????

SabreIsMyFave · 22/04/2024 20:44

0verandoveragain · 22/04/2024 20:43

Fluffy knew best

Shock😬😆

0verandoveragain · 22/04/2024 20:43

Fluffy knew best

SabreIsMyFave · 22/04/2024 20:34

queensonia · 22/04/2024 18:35

I am on friendly terms with a neighbour. A couple of weeks ago her cat went missing and I promised to look out for him. I hadn’t heard from her for a while so I texted her: “Any news of Fluffy??” She replied. “Why do you always use so many question marks??????! Not sure if you’re aware but it comes across as aggressive”.
I apologised for accidentally offending her but WTF? Would anyone else find two question marks aggressive? I know Gen Z get in a twist about misuse of emojis but this woman is 60!

WOW, I would be avoiding contacting her from now on.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/04/2024 20:33

@CoffeeChocolateWine (I love all three!) either way, the punctuation gives me the heebie jeebies. (Which my phone autocorrected to herby Jeeves!)

hazeydays14 · 22/04/2024 20:26

@Gazelda I ‘xx’ certain (girl) friends and male or female relatives but tend to leave it off male friends but I don’t really know why… I suppose that doesn’t help 😂 I don’t think it says I fancy you though

Somethingsnappy · 22/04/2024 20:18

queensonia · 22/04/2024 19:20

Thanks for all the feedback. It seems like 50% of people would interpret it as me being demanding (which wasn't my intention at all) and the other half wouldn’t give it a second thought. We need some sort of rule book I think so we don’t accidentally start World War 3 with a misplaced semi-colon.

😂This really made me laugh!

I must admit that it sounds demanding to me too. I have family members who use double question marks if I've not answered a question. But if I received your particular message in that context, I'd just assume they implied concern I think. I certainly wouldn't think more than half a second about it (!!).

CoffeeChocolateWine · 22/04/2024 20:15

The double space before your question mark triggers me. As a pedant I find it rude.

This makes no sense. Of course a space is needed before the ? otherwise it would read 'More than one?' as if it was a question which it isn't. The poster is saying 'More than one ? triggers me'. Autocorrect clearly changed triggers to upper case because it couldn't compute the ? being used in that way.

TTPD · 22/04/2024 20:14

My mum does it all the time - "did you have a good day yesterday????" "What made you decide to go there????" The question marks looks like she's sceptical or annoyed in some way. I don't like it.

Original poster
queensonia · 22/04/2024 20:08

Wallywobbles · 22/04/2024 19:35

My kids told me if I use punctuation of any type in a text it means I'm angry. Generally the two things are not related.

We’re all doomed!

OP posts:
JustJoinedRightNow · 22/04/2024 20:04

I know I use too many exclamation marks but I just don't care!
I don't think you were being aggressive OP. Shows you are worried about her cat!

WearyAuldWumman · 22/04/2024 20:04

queensonia · 22/04/2024 18:54

I actually used two question marks to try and show how concerned I was about her lost cat. 🐱

I'd just have assumed that it was a typo, to be honest.

Obeseandashamed · 22/04/2024 20:01

My mum said a similar thing to me as apparently I use too many exclamation marks 😅 maybe it's a generational thing?!

BitOutOfPractice · 22/04/2024 20:00

Amx · 22/04/2024 19:40

More than one ? Triggers me. It's rude.

The double space before your question mark triggers me. As a pedant I find it rude.

ScarlettOBan · 22/04/2024 19:51

I find more than one question mark a bit aggressive and impatient - I would be probably be shorter and less friendly with my reply than I would if it was just one question mark.

I am quite impressed by your neighbor confronting it head on, I wouldn’t have the balls to do it 😂

Original poster
queensonia · 22/04/2024 19:44

Amx · 22/04/2024 19:40

More than one ? Triggers me. It's rude.

Can I ask why you’d think it’s rude if it’s coming from a friend and not in a work context? I’m genuinely trying to understand the nuances here.

OP posts:
andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 22/04/2024 19:40

Did she find the cat? 😆