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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does this sound aggressive to you?

143 replies

queensonia · 22/04/2024 18:35

I am on friendly terms with a neighbour. A couple of weeks ago her cat went missing and I promised to look out for him. I hadn’t heard from her for a while so I texted her: “Any news of Fluffy??” She replied. “Why do you always use so many question marks??????! Not sure if you’re aware but it comes across as aggressive”.
I apologised for accidentally offending her but WTF? Would anyone else find two question marks aggressive? I know Gen Z get in a twist about misuse of emojis but this woman is 60!

OP posts:
GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 22/04/2024 22:17

I always read multiple question marks as the equivalent of someone saying it with an impatient intensity - the more question marks the more demanding and curt the tone.

LightSpeeds · 22/04/2024 22:12

Tlolljs · 22/04/2024 18:37

Fuck her and her cat. You only asked.

^Totally this!

You were showing genuine concern and didn't deserve the rollicking you got!

kittybiscuits · 22/04/2024 22:12

It's not you, it's your neighbour. Hope Fluffy is safely in the cat refuge. I like the thumbs up as a response to crazy messages, like this one

User1979289 · 22/04/2024 22:12

Don't use double question marks - it creates confusion!??!

GingerPirate · 22/04/2024 22:11

😂 60, really? I was gonna say she's a bloody irritating snowflake (sorry to all ❄️ ❄️).
Then she's just trying for an argument over something very silly. Just add more question ❓❓
next time, if there is one.

Sunnyday777 · 22/04/2024 22:10

“Any news on fluffy??” - absolutely fine
”WTF Rita, any news on fluffy??” - OTT
I can’t imagine having a go at someone who was actually enquiring after the welfare of my cat. Fluffy has run for the actual hills to get away from the madness.

LittleMonks11 · 22/04/2024 22:08

I want to know where Fluffy is at.

It comes across to me like concern. She's probably stressed and stringing out.

AmyDudley · 22/04/2024 22:07

You don't really need a rule book, because there is already a rule. A question requires one question mark. More than one is not aggressive, it signifies nothing, it is simply incorrect.

But obviously I'm much more interested in Fluffy's well being. (????????!!!!!!:;;;;;,,,,<<<<<<///)

HcbSS · 22/04/2024 22:04

Ffs some people would win a gold medal at the Offended Olympics.
Maybe the cat is taking a break from all the aggro.

Megirlan123 · 22/04/2024 22:01

Eek I really don’t like when people put more than one ?
I feel it’s rude and demanding 🙈

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 22/04/2024 22:00

I don't like multiple ????? as there's no need for them.

I don't read it as agressive though. I read it as similar to a toddler's version of why.

You know when you tell them they can't go outside because it's rain and it's followed up with why? Why? Why?? WHY???? WHHHHHYYYYYYY?

Left · 22/04/2024 21:59

Giveupnow · 22/04/2024 21:42

Slightly unrelated but can any gen Zers explain to me what’s wrong with a thumbs up emoji?

It’s the 2020s equivalent of using “Kind Regards” as an email sign off.

danitheastrologer · 22/04/2024 21:55

Tlolljs · 22/04/2024 18:37

Fuck her and her cat. You only asked.

lol

ellyeth · 22/04/2024 21:48

I'd ignore it and don't ask her again.

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/04/2024 21:44

Nah she's being overly touchy here.

'Any news of Fluffy??' says 'I actually care about this not just asking to be nice'.

Whereas:

'Any news of Fluffy'

"??"

Is 'answer me now damn you!'

(I answer live chat messages at work. People who send me messages and then follow up with ? or ?? within a minute of sending will find their message ends up answered as close to our 1 hour turn response time as I dare push it!)

Giveupnow · 22/04/2024 21:42

Slightly unrelated but can any gen Zers explain to me what’s wrong with a thumbs up emoji?

stayathomer · 22/04/2024 21:39

Something else such as ‘Did you leave your gate open?????????’ would sound aggressive but you asked about her cat?!?!?!?😉 (definitely can’t ask after someone’s cat aggressively!)

Sealover123 · 22/04/2024 21:39

queensonia · 22/04/2024 18:54

I actually used two question marks to try and show how concerned I was about her lost cat. 🐱

That's how I read it too, OP. Two question marks shows concern in my opinion. I'm in my 30s

asbestosmouth24 · 22/04/2024 21:37

Omg I sometimes use the double question mark for no particular reason other than to express that I haven't got a clue about something so ??. Note to self, stop with the double ?? incase the easily offended snowflakes think I'm being aggressive 🙄ffs. what's that all about??????????

Allthecatseverywhereallatonce · 22/04/2024 21:24

Well I accidentally put 2 kisses on a text to dd's teacher today. I did apologise.
My dd (16) always moans about my punctuation. As I have fat fingers, I often end up accidentally putting 2 full stops at the end of a sentence, apparently that is rude
I wouldn't read much into a couple of question marks, but, maybe that is where I am going wrong. I clearly shouldn't be allowed to text ever again 🤣.

SoupChicken · 22/04/2024 21:24

She was rude, and weirdly aggressive.

Itsdeepitsblue · 22/04/2024 21:21

Fuck her and her cat. You only asked.

😂😂😂😂

Roryhon · 22/04/2024 21:15

I find multiple exclamation or question marks do come across as aggressive. Two wouldn’t bother me that much. So I get her point. But I’d not bring it up while someone was asking for news about my lost cat. Perhaps she’s a bit over sensitive if she’s upset about the cat?

Greywitch2 · 22/04/2024 21:14

LenaLamont · 22/04/2024 21:00

My kids agree that ending a text with a full stop is angry or pass/agg.

They say there's an exception for me; if I don't use punctuation they will assume I'm very ill or have been abducted.

Show quote history

Just seen this, @LenaLamont !

My youngest has told me this. I had no idea, but I'm delighted you used a semi colon, as per my last post. 😂

Greywitch2 · 22/04/2024 21:12

Wallywobbles · 22/04/2024 19:35

My kids told me if I use punctuation of any type in a text it means I'm angry. Generally the two things are not related.

I was told this last week by my teenage son and was taken aback. I am not going to stop punctuating correctly, simply because an 18 year old thinks I shouldn't. My 30 something DDs mock me for the fact that 'Mum is the only person who uses a semi colon in a text'.

I certainly do if the sentence requires one.