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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does this sound aggressive to you?

143 replies

queensonia · 22/04/2024 18:35

I am on friendly terms with a neighbour. A couple of weeks ago her cat went missing and I promised to look out for him. I hadn’t heard from her for a while so I texted her: “Any news of Fluffy??” She replied. “Why do you always use so many question marks??????! Not sure if you’re aware but it comes across as aggressive”.
I apologised for accidentally offending her but WTF? Would anyone else find two question marks aggressive? I know Gen Z get in a twist about misuse of emojis but this woman is 60!

OP posts:
CallMikeBanning · 23/04/2024 00:10

How unbelievably rude of her to send that text!

I would text back, "how rude are you?"

Noseybookworm · 23/04/2024 00:08

I definitely use multiple question marks aggressively 😂 for example if I text DH a question and he doesn't answer (quite a common occurrence!) I sometimes follow up with ??? ten or fifteen minutes later! Then he usually answers 😂

Andr0meda · 23/04/2024 00:03

It shows strong emotions and in this case concern for the cat. How on earth can it be aggressive? There is zero excuse for 2 question marks to irritate someone. All caps or bold can be annoying to the eye, but 2 question marks? I would not send her any other messages and I would not reply to her again until she thinks about her petiness and apologises. Whoever thinks someone sounds 'rude' or 'demanding' in a clear context showing concern over the welfare of an animal is bonkers.

Delphiniumandlupins · 23/04/2024 00:01

Well I would have assumed you had fat thumbs (like me) and accidentally sent an extra question mark. I can see how it might be aggressive in certain contexts "Are you nearly here???????" "Do you even love me????????" but not when you're asking about her cat! How is Fluffy by the way? Why haven't you updated about Fluffy???

MonsteraMama · 23/04/2024 00:01

Honestly how do people function in society if the addition of a single extra question mark is so upsetting to them? I genuinely don't get it.

Bunnyhair · 22/04/2024 23:57

I can’t bear overzealous use of ???? - it does feel very overbearing and dramatic.

I’d have the impression from this text that my neighbour found it annoying / somehow deeply unacceptable that I hadn’t kept them updated about the cat. I wouldn’t say anything though. And I probably wouldn’t feel like that at all if I had an otherwise friendly relationship with the neighbour.

Bunnyhair · 22/04/2024 23:48

PandorasBoxers · 22/04/2024 18:49

I love this! 😂

Show quote history

😂😂 Perfect

(argh, misquoted - I meant that for the ‘yes I did mean that aggressively’ response.)

SabreIsMyFave · 22/04/2024 23:45

loropianalover · 22/04/2024 23:22

OP have you written back? I’d say ‘what do you mean?????’

I don’t see 2 ?’s aggressive but ??? + probably is a bit demanding.

The full stops are worse, my mum is terrible for them. ‘I’m home from Tesco…..’ ‘Ring me….’ ‘Your dad’s not well…..’ (he’s got a sore throat). So ominous!

Oh God I do this sometimes......

I must stop!

poppyslashtulip · 22/04/2024 23:39

lol. I would reply with, I’m really sorry I offended you!!! I hope fluffy is ok……

Banana1979 · 22/04/2024 23:23

I woukd reply “ and so does your reply message “
stuff her

loropianalover · 22/04/2024 23:22

OP have you written back? I’d say ‘what do you mean?????’

I don’t see 2 ?’s aggressive but ??? + probably is a bit demanding.

The full stops are worse, my mum is terrible for them. ‘I’m home from Tesco…..’ ‘Ring me….’ ‘Your dad’s not well…..’ (he’s got a sore throat). So ominous!

SabreIsMyFave · 22/04/2024 23:20

Why isn't anyone talking to me ?????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ???????????????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry. I'll stop now. 😆

SabreIsMyFave · 22/04/2024 23:18

Oooops, was that too many exclamation marks??????

SabreIsMyFave · 22/04/2024 23:17

Mirabai · 22/04/2024 23:11

I think we know why Fluffy fucked off.

You're terrible Muriel! 😆 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mirabai · 22/04/2024 23:11

I think we know why Fluffy fucked off.

ludicrouslycapaciousbags · 22/04/2024 22:51

Has the cat turned up?

PickledMuffin · 22/04/2024 22:40

@Hippomumma2 🤣

Hotmess66 · 22/04/2024 22:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

DeadbeatYoda · 22/04/2024 22:34

Informal written communication can so easily be misconstrued. It's just a misunderstanding. Reassure the neighbour that it wasn't meant like that and ask again about the cat. If you're not flustered by it she'll probably feel bad for snapping at you and all will be well again.

neilyoungismyhero · 22/04/2024 22:30

Tlolljs · 22/04/2024 18:37

Fuck her and her cat. You only asked.

Was going to say the same thing...

Golftennis · 22/04/2024 22:29

So, any news on Fluffy?

See, like that :)

Alicewinn · 22/04/2024 22:28

Yeah aggressive

Ilovelurchers · 22/04/2024 22:19

I think this is one of those situations (of which there are many) in which nobody is in the wrong.

You meant no harm, you were just emphasising curiousity/concern with your use of ??

But I see your neighbour's point - it reads to me as excessively emphatic/demanding.

Nobody is in the wrong. It's just a miscommunication. I see why you might be offended, OP, I would be too, but if you can, try to reply gently, explaining you meant no harm, as that would lead to greater amity in future.....

walnutcoffeecake · 22/04/2024 22:18

I dont mind a ? but not loads.
But the praying hands emoji gives me the fucking rage for some reason.
Its my problem no one elses.
I have told people (family and friends) if you send that stupid emoji you will get bad luck.